Sawyer Susie Rocks

the magic forest at opportunity village

2011-12-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

so, living in vegas now, i'm totally excited to start our own holiday traditions, and this for sure is going to be one of them. opportunity village is a charitable organization that assists handicapped adults with employment & being more self-sufficient. at least as far as i understand. totally something i can feel good about supporting. apparently so does the entire las vegas community. companies in the area sponsor & decorate trees in the magical forest and it's so fun to walk around & see all the lights & cute displays.

my sweet boys.

and, bonus, because it's vegas, it's nice & warmish and they have all sorts of carnival rides. so you walk around, see the lights, the gingerbread house displays, ride the rides, play a little put-put and it's a totally fun night for everyone. we can't really plan things, because matt gets home at such random times, but I'm way glad he got home early one day & that we took the chance to go here, it was so much fun. a must for next year for sure!

Sawyer was terrified to go on this ride. we tried resoning & bribing & threatening because we KNEW she'd love it once she got on it. plus we'd paid extra for her to have the unlimited ride pass, so by dang, she was gonna use it! Matt finally got her on it by telling her how there would be butterflies in her tummy. Oddly enough, that did it for her, and the first thing she said to me when she got off, was "Mommy! I felt them! There were butterflies in my tummy & I felt them!!" Then I had to go with her & it was so much fun! We had a riot screaming like idiots & giggling together.

this is how we do

2011-12-22T22:33:00.001-07:00

by the time matt gets home each day, ususally about 6:30 or 7 if we're lucky, the kids are so super sick of me. they're excited to see matt & listen carefully for the front door to open so that the craziness of "ATTACK DADDY" can begin.

Sawyer goes straight for the legs, while Abram is generally too excited to stick to any one thing, so he alternates between riding on Matt's legs and running around the house screaming.

Then the wrestling on the bed portion of the evening begins. And yes, that is a king size mattress & box springs in my front room. You got a problem with that? How else are we supposed to wrestle daddy & sleep under the tree?

Speaking of the tree, this is it. And that concludes the Christmas Decorations 2011 tour. I was not about to sift through any boxes just to decorate a house that I barely care enough about to sweep. Plus, we are in Utah for Christmas, so it's kinda just gonna have to be enough this year. As it turns out, it is. Christmas decor is actually not the life or death situation that pinterest would have you believe it is. For our family it's the music. Oh, and we've got music.

and cookies. They are essential. We've been making cookies about every day it seems like.

and doughnuts.

Doughnuts are kind of my Moby Dick. I will get them one day, I swear it.

Not this day though. See how gooey that big one still is? So I kept making them smaller & smaller, and although they just kept getting cuter & cuter, they did not become less doughy inside. Well, maybe a little bit, but no one seemed to mind. I mean, geez, they're cinnamon buttermilk doughnuts. How mad at them can you be?

These little gingerbread buddies were a total hit. I saw this recipe & had them baking in the oven about ten minutes later. No lie. Plus it uses whole wheat flour and molasses & honey instead of sugar.

or as Meredith puts it, "basically they're just really festive vitamins".

the crap dollar store canned frosting however, not so much. ew i hate using that stuff. but it does help me not eat whatever i let the kids put it on.

see, it's making my kids go retarded. damn two mile long ingredient list.

to distract abram from the cookies we gave him the rice crispie treats we had made the week before. yeah, the week before. i make my kids work for their sugar, yo. it was probably like gnawing on a rock. but he kept at it long enough for sawyer to decorate all the cookies.

'cept this one. I did this one. That's my very special Charlie cookie cutter Grandma Susie got me & I get to decorate my Charlie cookie whenever we do cut out cookies.

these ones are sawyer & abram holding hands. how sweet is that? ohhhhh I love my kids!

my baby turns six.

2011-12-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

Sawyer's birthday was November 9th, she was very excited to turn six, and for some reason that seems like way too many years to me. Five was just a kid, but six seems like a little girl, a young lady, if you will. And she is, she is the best little girl that I have ever known. She's so thoughtful and sympathetic and kind. She's about the best big sister I've seen, too. She shares like a champ and would rather do without something than have Abram be sad. She loves to go get him up from naps & in the morning, she has a whole routine worked out so that if he's having a hard time waking up that it's easier on him, she explained it to me one day & I about died with how thoughtful she is. If Abram is having a fit about something, having to hold still for a diaper change or some other injustice, she knows just how to calm him down & get him laughing again. No wonder he's such a perma-happy boy, his sister sees to it!

annnnnd she's a goof. A total goof. She is in that kindergarten phase where she makes up jokes that are completely stupid, and laughs like a maniac at herself. She's starting to pick up lines from movies that are just sassy, and I can't help but laugh when she tells me things like "well, duhhhhh".

Miller tradition states that the birthday girl/boy is entitled to their very own box of non-generic cereal. No one else is allowed to eat it. But she shared with Abes of course. Also she taught him how to howl like the Cookie Crisp wolf. A good skill to have in this life.

After Daddy got off work we headed to the strip to see what fun there was to have there. Circus Circus is a joke, someone please tear the place down. But Sawyer loved the rides & had a blast with her unlimited ride wristband.

I love this picture. She went on that ride like 5 times & it took me that long to get the metering to even this point. Dingy lighting + fast moving train = crap for pictures.

Every ride Sawyer went on she met a friend. Which was good because Matt & I were too cheap to buy ride passes of our own. Its so fun to see how little kids just automatically are friends if they are near the same age and doing the same things. She & another girl just went from ride to ride to ride for about an hour together, they were so cute, holding hands & all. After she had riden every ride she wanted to a few times, we went to the Excalibur in hopes of seeing a princess, I swear they had roaming knights & ladies there when I was younger. Not so anymore, now they have skanky barely dressed wenches & guys in chain mail/mesh shirts. I don't know what they were supposed to be. But the buffet there was fun. We walked through the Bellagio & looked at the art, the blown glass & this awesome pastry/chocolate shop. She's so artistic she really gets into stuff like that. It was so nice to just have an evening as a family to explore our new city, we loved every second. Happy birthday sweet girl!!! I love you more & more everyday.

Cabin trip with the Willams' & Cellas!

2011-12-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

We were able to go on kind of a last minute trip up to the cabin over Conference Weekend this October with our good buddies the Williams' and the Cellas, some of the people who occupy the majority of my missing now that we've moved to Vegas. Annetta and Angie have been like sisters to me in Layton. You know those kind of friends that you can count on to do just about anything anytime and they'll do it with a smile? Those kind of friends are awesome.

Also awesome is the view from the cabin in the fall. It's totally one of my favorite places to be. Even my parents came up, we had so much fun all together.

Dad & Abes

Sawyer practicing her high fashion, high attitude pose.

They're here! They're here!!! Matt was down in Vegas doing his final interview with Goode Surgical for the first part of this trip.

Abes on his first hike. It was so much fun to have my friends & their sweet kids there.

Max even let Sawyer use his blankie while we were hiking. That's love.

He is such a sweet boy. The sweetest, craziest, you never know what he's going to destroy next boy.

I seriously love these kiddos. sorry about the poor orientation on this'n Davis.

Abram loves him some Jenna!

It's so pretty up there.

Sawyer would probably be a better hiker if her mother dressed her properly.

Two of probably the best people on the planet

there were so many beautiful wildflowers, we couldn't resist picking a few. Then we got down to the base of the trail and there was a ranger who read us the riot act (nicely) about not messing with the delicate ecosystem. ooops. totally busted.

When Matt finally got there he had great news! He got the job in Vegas! It was so cool to come full circle at the cabin. This whole hairbrained idea to change careers & move started on a cabin trip at the Oakley rodeo in July. It wrapped up (kinda) in October at the cabin over conference. Kinda cool the way things work.

Abram discovered the fun that is grandma's lipstick. Sorry mom.

It was Bella's birthday, we all love her so much & it was fun to be able to be with her.

Abram was constantly playing outside, I love that it was still warm enough to leave doors open & breathe in the fresh, mountain air.

watching conference. i love that angie girl. she was working on homework for her masters program all weekend. (masters program! with four kids! she's amazing.)

See Davis right there? One of my favorite kids on the entire planet. Homeboy is the reason Sawyer isn't afraid of boys anymore after being exposed to too many crazy boys at the gym & preschool. He is such a sweetheart.

Well, that's the end of that. It was way fun & I'm so blessed to be able to go to such a beautiful cabin and take my amazing friends with.

San Diego with Kierstin!!

2011-12-20T23:21:00.002-07:00

Meet Kierstin. She's fully awesome. So awesome in fact that she and I took a trip (BY OURSELVES!!!) to San Diego. Yes, it was in September, yes I am just now posting about it. It took me that long to get over the awesomeness that was this trip. We have been friends since junior high. Maybe that's why we still act like we are in junior high. The trip was originally going to be to New York, but there was this whole hurricane thing going on and the subway was supposedly going to be shut down the whole time we were there, so we rerouted. The hurricane wasn't nearly as bad as they anticipated, thank goodness, I can't say I'm sad about the change of plans though. We are both beach girls all the way.

We spent three nights on Coronado Island at the Marriott Resort (beautiful!!) and then two nights across the bay in San Deigo at the Marquis.

On Coronado Island we spent lots of time at the beach, particularly this one at the Hotel del Coronado, where Patrick Swayze was working as a dance instructor. We had a lovely time learning how to do lifts over his head and whatnot.

We also did a few hours of surf camp. It was a complete joke. I suck at surfing. However it will not dissuade me from throwing a lot of money at the problem and going to a week long girls only surf camp in Costa Rica with awesome friends in the near future. Oh, it's happening.

We brought our special friend along with us everywhere. He represented our other Kirsten who couldn't make the trip and we missed her dearly. Homeboy is even worse at surfing than me.

We hired a private surf instructor from Coronado Surfing Academy, he was way cute and fun and I totally recommend them to anyone, it wasn't really even that spendy. But it was cold.

At the Marquis we we on like the 14th floor which was awesome, for me at least. Kierstin could barely step out onto the deck. The view was awesome though. Slightly less awesome was the fact that the hotel was fully occupied by the Narcotics Anonymous Convention. Yup, two little Mormon Utah moms surrounded by recovering Narcaholics and felons. They were kind of awesome though, it was like being surrounded by Born Agains.

Both properties were so stinking beautiful and well kept up.

This view though... not so beautiful. I love Kierstin. She's like a mix between Martha Stewart and Jillian Michaels and a Swedish supermodel, but is the biggest goober you'll ever meet. She was a perfect traveling companion, we rented bikes on Coronado & just biked everywhere. Get up, work out, get ready, bike, bike, bike, shop, beach, beach, beach, shop, eat ammmmaaaazzzing food, sleep. Repeat.

Amazing food like fish tacos.

and cupcakes. yeah, we pounded all of these in like 20 minutes. Don't judge.

They were awesome. You'd have done the same. The food was so awesome that I created an entire album on facebook dedicated to the food from this trip. I look at it fondly quite often.

One super cool place we stumbled upon was called Sinfullicious, or something like that. It was a customize your own bath products bar, such a cool idea. You pick the product,

the scent, the color, everything is totally custom & natural. It was so fun designing a signature scent. Mine was a combo of fig, warm vanilla sugar and hawaiian rain. Delish!

Then they mix it up for you right in front of your eyes. So fun!

And there ya go. So go to San Diego. Leave your kids. Leave the hubs. Find a girlfriend who rocks and listen to her funny stories. Tell her your funny stories. Make up new funny stories together. Then go home and be a better mom because you took time out. If that's not your style, I'm sorry, it was so awesome. Thank you Kierstin!!!!
Now about that New York trip...

an unupdatey update

2011-12-08T00:27:00.000-07:00

oi. it's been a minute, eh? here's a brief synopsis of the recent goings on.

-we like vegas.
-matt's job is good. exhausting & long, but good.
-we need friends. our current neighborhood is considerably less awesome than our old one in Layton. there is missing going on.
-we really want to get this house that we put an offer in on a couple of weeks ago. but it's a short sale, so it's a big long waiting game. it's lovely. please keep your fingers crossed.
-i like my kids. Sawyer & Abram get along so well, I feel very blessed.
-i love, double LOOOOVE my new gym. performax can go suck eggs. Ann Road 24 hour is blowing my mind with awesomeness. for the same price. with a outdoor pool, a sauna, a hot tub, a steam room and all of it clean. with classes (I'm such a Zumba addict right now) that murderize performax's.
-i'm off sugar. and bread. meats & veggies for me right now & it's doing me right. i didn't' realize how much of a sugar addict i've become. which for me is motivation enough to kick it. I don't want to ever be addicted to anything. Ever. So I've channeled all my disdain for smokers into kicking my sugar habit. working like a charm.
-we sold my lexus. well, steven did. matt's brother steve has been such a sweetheart to us lately. don't tell, but he's really not as big an Ahole as he'd like you to think. the lexus wanted to drive around in the snow & I was all "well, i'm not going to be doing that anymore" and she's all "well then sell me, my 4wheel drive is being squandered down here." So I was like "fine! I will! have fun in the snow, you beautiful beautiful automobile you!" and that was the end of that. at the moment I'm driving the avalon, but we are selling that too, it's not to hot of a mom car, and buying probably a Honda Element.

I'm sick of my random thoughts and poor capitalization. I'm sure Stacey is too, if she, or anyone, reads this anymore.
off to bed with me then!

It's tired here

2011-10-28T23:00:00.000-06:00

Tonight (as with most nights) Matt attempted to hang out with me until his exhaustion overcame him.

Looking at houses online must bore him. Its starting to bore me. Actually, bore is the wrong word, frustrate the hell out of me is what it's really starting to do. We have a very specific area we want to buy in and we want a pool. Pretty much we are flexible on everything else, but apparently you have to know someone, the right someone, to get into a house there. The second something is listed, there's an offer on it. It doesn't help that our stupid freaking house hasn't officially closed yet, so we aren't in a position to be slapping down any offers of our own. It should close any day, but I'm getting a wee bit antsy. I'm sick of being in limbo. The kids & Cyd & I ran up to Davis county real quick this week to clean out the last few bits the stupid movers left behind (thanks, guys). It was good to see my friends & some family real quick, but I gotta say, it really didn't feel like "going home". Seeing the Stratosphere looming in the hazy distance felt more like coming home. Probably because my baby was there, but also because apparently I am a warm weather chic. I'm off the meds & more content than have been in a long time. Me likey.

- Posted from my iPhone

waaaaant...

2011-10-20T00:17:00.001-06:00

so there's this house... it's fully awesome. Here's the backyard.
I want it. We snuck in last night & now so does everyone else. It needs work, but the bones & yard & location are all perfection. The kind of work it needs is the exact kind of work I'd WANT to put into a house anyway, to make it ours, you know. I want it bad. But it's a short sale & last night somebody put an offer on it. So. What do we do? Our house should close in the next week or so. Should we put an offer of our own in? I hate that we'd have to wait so long to find out if either of them were accepted. I'm sick to death of waiting for things, of being in limbo. I've felt like this since July. I don't know if I could hack three more months....
In other news, I'm not the only one who loves it here in Vegas. We've been playing outside much more than we did in Layton, the weather is just glorious! These kids of ours are having a great time with the fenced backyard/dirt pile. Sawyer is a fan of having her picture taken. She makes up poses & faces & sets up each shot, tells me where to stand & when to take each picture. She's hilarious. Abram always wants in too.

We have a very friendly cat next door, Abram was being so so very gentle with it, we've really been working on that with him & I was so proud.

Look at those fat little hands! Ohhhh I just wanna gobble them up!
It was a great day despite the burned pumpkin bread, and the missing sewing machine cord. I love my family.

- Posted from my iPhone

sunshine, lollypops & rainbows

2011-10-19T00:21:00.000-06:00

I'm really happy right now.

I don't know if it's the extra sunny sunshine or the drastically decreased amount of "stuff" in my life or maybe it's that my husband is retardedly in love with his job, but I'm having a hard time wiping the smile off my face lately.

Things have changed since my last update, thanks to a huge tender mercy, we aren't having to live in St. George & have Matt commute, we are renting an awesome house in the Centennial Hills area (Northwest LV) from my sister-in-law Jennifer's parents who live down here. They have been so completley welcoming & sweet, it's like having built in family already. Our ward and neighborhood here are also wonderful & very welcoming. Las Vegas is a huge city, but somehow it manages to have a small town attitude. I find the desert extremly peaceful, which is odd considering how un-peaceful the part of Vegas is that most people think of. It's much more than the Strip, and I love it.

There are a huge amount of awesome homes in our price range, but I'm finding myself being really, really picky as I look. Like "I-have-developed-multiple-styes-on-each-eyelid" picky. It just feels like we'll be here for a good long time, and I don't want to find myself in a home I like in an area that I don't. I don't want to put up with a home design/yard/neighborhood/ward that is anything less than awesome. We honestly just left the best ward & neighborhood that I have ever expericned. It was bliss. Sooo hard to leave. It's not even about getting the fanciest house, or a huge house (goodness no, I don't think I'll ever want a huge house, not my style) I'm seriously just trusting in the Lord to help us find the neighborhood that He would have us be in. That's my priority.
Well, that and a house that I can picture our family loving life in.

This post by the always inspiring Sarah of Clover Lane is helping me refocus my intentions right now. Perhaps that is another reason for the lightness of my heart lately.

I've been living in a state of gratitude. I've been ever so conscious of how mindful our Heavenly Father is of us, little us, and it blows my mind. The move to Layton, the people we met there, the children I'm so lucky to have, the timing (and loveliness) of Abram's birth, which ultimately lead to Cydney being with us, even the miscarriages I went through, Matt working at Advanced Title (with Kirsten's husband Dave! a junior high pipe dream come true!), Matt running into Jake & setting us down this path of moving to Vegas, so many other little things that simply didn't happen by accident! All these things have "worked together for our good".

Doctrine & Covenants Section 90 Verse 24 (this reference is inscribed into Matt's wedding ring by the way.)

Search diligently, pray always, and be believing,

and all things shall work together for your good,

if ye walk uprightly and remember

the covenant wherewith

ye have covenanted one with another.

Regardless of the reason for the smiles, I'm certain that staying in that grateful mindset will keep 'em coming, no matter what comes our way in the future.

Sometimes I think I accidentally married Pedro

2011-10-01T13:20:00.001-06:00

like riding on a dragon. Clearly.
We are up at the cabin escaping the last few chaotic bits at our 98% empty house, and the cleaning that is eminent. The last time we were up at the cabin, it was for the 4th if July, where at the Oakley Rodeo, Matt ran into his old college buddy, Jake & we got this hairbrained idea to switch careers & move. The only things we were certain of were 1) that Matt should go to Medical Sales College like Jake had, and 2) that it was time to sell our house so that we could be available to go wherever Matt got a job after he finished school.
Over the course of the past few months, we've done more than our fair share of speculating & impatiently stamping our proverbial feet wondering where in the helk this journey was taking us, and why. And while we don't really know the why just yet, we do know the where! Las Vegas! Yesterday Matt accepted an offer to work for an Arthrex distributorship in Lost Wages (as my pseudo-father Sherwood Pack calls it), selling all sorts of screws & plates & biologics (ask him about it next time you see him, it's so fun to see him excited about his work and throwing around medical terminology. At least it is to me)
I'm so excited for him. It's great to see him passionate about what he's doing & excited to work hard & be successful.
So yeah. Moving to Vegas. I'm excited about the change, there are so many things about it that lead me to believe that it will be a great fit for our little family. And the thing that gives me the most hope is that this move makes even less sense than our move to Layton, and that has turned out to be a huge blessing, full of wonderful friends & lots of opportunities for growth. So by that logic, Vegas should be good. Right?
We are spending the next week with Susie, tying up loose ends with the house & whatnot, then we'll move down to the condo in St George to mooch off of Susie's generosity some more & be closer to Vegas for when Matt starts work on the 10th. Hopefully we'll find a great house (pool!) and be able to move officially & be reunited with all the crap in our storage shed soon.
So that's the updated plan.

- Posted from my iPhone

All is right with the world again

2011-09-17T08:35:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I woke up at four am, got on a plane, took a bus for a hour, rode light rail and walked a mile, all to surprise my amazing-doesn't-even-begin-to-cover-it husband. Cydney got Sawyer off to school, dropped Abes off with Stacey & Ryan and then freaking delivered a wedding cake for me. (the delivery is for sure the hardest, most stressful part, this is a big deal.) There are no words to adequately express my gratitude to her, to JaNae & Kirsten & Stacey (and to my parents for the ride to the airpoirt at an unholy hour) because surprising Matt & being here in Denver for his graduation was a total "movie moment". He had no idea. It was the best.

And I'm so glad I got to meet all his instructors & the guys in his class. Oh my goodness the whole program was awesome, everyone was in tears the whole time, it was really something special. I cannot believe how hard he worked for this. He was in class an hour before it started every day (at six am!) stayed late every night, and if he wasn't in class he was only sleeping or studying. The top three scores in the class were just one point behind each other, Matt came in second, by one point, and was awarded the MVP award which was voted on by the other guys in the class. What an honor. I could tell in just the first few seconds of meeting them that each of those guys were phenomenal human beings, like just really super good guys. His instructor Mark I can tell is someone who will be in our lives as a mentor & friend for a very long time. I can see that being the case with Mark, Joe, Jason & Alex as well.
The whole experience was really pivotal in Matt's life. Since Scott died, he has really been dragging in so many ways. It is so nice to see him excited & passionate about life again.
After graduation and many tearful goodbyes, we went back to Bob & Rennei's, Matt's aunt & uncle who has so kindly hosted him for the last month, said goodbye to her & set out on our way to Vail where I had made a reservation for the night at the Marriott & an 80 minute couples massage! After our massage, which was awesome, we went to Sweet Basil for an unbelievably good linger-and-talky dinner. We walked around Oktoberfest and checked out all the lovely ladies with their plastic surgery faces and furs & Louis Vition bags. Vail is not messing around. Matt woke up early & snuck out and grabbed some takeout from a delicious little creperie. Now we are going to hustle home to our little ones and have a nice relaxing weekend together before the firestorm of find-a-job-move-out-of-our-house-into-Susie's-find-a-new-house-who-knows-where starts. Then there's the training a new primary president, cleaning our house down to the nubs, registering Sawyer & Cyd for new schools, finding a new gym, etc etc etc. Holy cow. But guess what? That's all going to happen just fine. For now? For now I'm just going to sit back, sing off-key to Matt's old man music, read Real Simple and be with my baby for the next six hours. There is no one I'd rather be with, make plans with, dream with, laugh with, wake up with or be stuck in the car with. There is no one I'd rather see succeed. And I know he will. In every aspect of life.

- Posted from my iPhone

new favorite blog

2011-08-30T22:19:00.000-06:00

are you bored? do you need another way to ~~waste time~~ entertain yourself? I found one. Go to here. You don't even have to read the whole thing, just the top part about the job listing. That's my day today. Now goodnight. I'm going to San Diego tomorrow with this chic & I don't have to think about things like that for five more sleeps.
mmmmmwah!

Tuachan Extravaganza

2011-08-23T14:36:00.000-06:00

Earlier in the month, Susie kindly took a bunch of the girls down to St. George to see Grease & The Little Mermaid at Tuachan. They were both awesome, but The Little Mermaid was like extra spectacular. If you have the chance, I would totally recommend it. Sawyer loved both shows, but she really wanted to meet Sandy but not Ariel for some reason. I was a bit annoyed though at the underlying message of both shows. Sitting there next to "my" daughter who is really just on loan to me from our Heavenly Father with the understanding that I will do my darndest to raise her in such a way that she can make it back home to Heaven, I couldn't help but be conscious of how each female lead wasn't happy until she had her man. They both had to change & take some crap to please the people around them. Clearly healthy relationships do not make for interesting story lines, but sheesh! I'm sick of Disney telling my kid that she won't be happy until she nabs a man. Okay, I'm being a tad extreme here, I realize that. I certainly need my man. It's fine. Just don't get me started on Beauty & the Beast. I have some serious issues with that one.
It was great that Cydney was able to come with us too. She stayed with Abram while we went to the shows. It was fun to see Caroline, Cate & Grace follow her around like little puppy dogs & aske her beauty advice & whatnot. I'm so lucky to have her. Anyway, I am so grateful that I have a mother-in-law that I absolutely count as one of my friends. She is so much fun to be around & gives fantastic advice. Even without the fun trips, she is a complete rockstar. Thank you Susie!

Operation Survive Matt's Absence- Day One

2011-08-21T00:04:00.000-06:00

I'm chalking today up as a success. Granted it was only a half day, but whatever. Matt left today at four, after taking us to breakfast at The Original Pancake House in Sugarhouse & then coming home & packing & cleaning & prepping to go. I'm so excited for him. He really is studying like I've never seen him & this whole experience so far is very uniting for us as a family. After he left we picked some take out up from Cafe Zupas & went down to the Wright's neighborhood party. We didn't stay very long because one of my rules of OSMA is to get the kids to bed on time. After I put Abram down, Sawyer, Cyd & I had some banana ice cream & then Sawyer & I read books & played horsey on the trampoline. I really like hanging out with Sawyer. She's really a cool chic. We knelt down for family prayers & she told me that "this cannot be family prayers. Daddy isn't here. It's just girls & Abram prayers." So apparently I need to revise my list of OSMA rules to correct that terminology.
Here they are-

The Rules of Operation Survive Matt's Absence
#1- no late nights. Bedtime is 7:30 for Abram AND Sawyer. She's a big kindergartener after all & starting Monday, we are going to have to get up at like 7:30!!! (I'm not ashamed to admit that most of the summer we have still been in bed at 9 am. Ok, maybe a little ashamed)
#2- Mommy's gym time is sacred. Don't even try to skip or else you'll be all stabby by noon.
#3- Once a week, get a sitter & go out. With Cyd, by yourself, with friends, I don't care. Just do it.
#4- ~~Family~~ Girls & Abram prayers every day. Once a day at the very least.
#5- Personal scripture study & prayers twice a day. Listen to something from the Gospel Library app at some point during the day & sit down & read real live scriptures in the morning before even getting out of bed.
#6- Laugh. Don't take yourself too seriously. Generally it is Matt's responsibility to see that this happens, so I hope that I can do it without him here.
and last but not least
#7- do not be afraid to accept the help that is offered to me.
I seriously have no idea how military wives or single moms do it. GOOOOO them!
and go me. ;)

love note

2011-08-02T14:34:00.000-06:00

Matt sent me this email a few weeks ago. I've reread it nearly every day since. I really had no idea how good a choice I was making when I decided to marry him. Luck, a blessing, destiny? I don't know, but I'm ever so glad he's mine.

big stuff. big stuff.

2011-07-12T01:04:00.000-06:00

hey howdy howdy. still alive. not blogging & not taking any pictures, so I can't really prove it, but it's true. We've been up to some big stuff over here. putting our house, car, children etc up for sale, you know, no bigs. k, not children. we really actually like them a whole heaping lot. our kids kick butt.

but yeah, house. for sale. car. for sale. gonna have a yard sale pretty soon here too, so there'll be a lot more shish for sale as well.

wanna buy anything?

Why, you may ask, are we selling everything? I'll tell you.....
we are going on an adventure. yes, a family adventure. together. we don't know where we will be in 3 months. Here's the deal. Matt has been quite dissatisfied with his job lately. It's been a huge blessing over the years & we lovelovelove everyone he's worked with, but the actual job portion? not a great fit. Anyway, that's what we've been realizing in the last few, and over the 4th of July weekend, we kind of had a few things happen that helped us figure out what to do! I don't believe in coincidences, do you? Things happen how they are supposed to happen. Matt ran into a friend from college at the Oakley rodeo who told him about this medical device sales college that he had gone to & how he was enjoying his new career. Things happened pretty quickly from there, it just felt really right for us. He starts the at home portion (4 weeks long) next Monday, then on August 15th, he starts another 4 weeks in Denver at MSC. So, come (hopefully) the end of September, we'll have a new career on our hands, quite possibly a new place to live. Maybe even a new house, who knows?
I'm feeling really excited though, I think Matt'll be a lot happier, and it's exciting to just feel like we're allowing the Lord to kind of guide our lives a little. His plans are always WAAAYYYY better than mine ever are anyway, so it's cool. ;)
So that's what we're doing. We're gonna be pretty freaking poor for a minute though, while Matt is unemployed for a few weeks, but honestly I'm thinking that'll be kind of an adventure too. I'm finding all sorts of fun free things to do with the kids, and being better about planning meals & buying actually from a list (shockingly easier on the budget than just purchasing everything that looks tasty. amazing!) Passed up a hair appointment (so that's why I look skraggely), a concert and I'm busting out the Happenings book again! It feels really good to feel all united toward a goal as a family/couple. I kind of love it.
Do you see this? It's freaking 1 am. What in the hell am I doing?
see ya later.

waterboarding? that's sissy stuff

2011-06-20T21:50:00.001-06:00

getting a haircut is the new torture. These pictures crack. me. up. I love how he goes from screaming like a banshee to "oh wait. is this a Popsicle? cool."
I'll post pictures of the finished look soon. Matt gave him an unauthorized mohawk. I could not be more in love with it.

oh for the love...

2011-06-12T23:03:00.000-06:00

This lovely little impromptu performance happened at a meet & greet after one of the Origins tour dates. I'm so jealous of the people in the is room that it's just silly. How cute is Daren drumming on the table? I love how obvious it is that these guys (where is Anna btw?) absolutely adore what they do. Makes me want to sit in the grass with my brother Doug & sing with him while he plays Saves the Day songs on his guitar.....

Happy Anniversary, Cyd!

2011-06-01T10:06:00.001-06:00

One year ago my dear sweet niece Cydney moved in with us. I thought we'd celebrate with a special breakfast of Chai pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries.

I saw this recipe on Joythebaker.com (love her!) and had been waiting for jeeeest the right occasion to make them!
I'm so grateful for the chance to have gotten to know Cyd better than I ever would have. I love how she calls me Aunt Lady & is always up for being my little live-in friend, escorting my lame mom-person butt to movies, shopping & concerts. (Oh and speaking of concerts.....eeeeeeek! Airborne is tonight!!!!!)
She has been a complete joy in our house. She gives her honest opinion no matter what. Tells it like it is & makes us laugh every day. The progress that she's making in every aspect of her life is awe-inspiring to me. I'm so excited to see where her life takes her. She's so talented & smart, the sky really is the limit.
I love you girl!

- Posted from my iPhone

typical tuesday

2011-05-30T23:05:00.000-06:00

soooo I know this girl....
She's kinda cool. Lots of other people think she's kinda cool too, and most of them don't even know her, that's how cool she is. Remember when I did this post, and deleted like 90% of the feeds on my reader? Well Rachel's blog is the complete antithesis of the kind of blogs I was trying to avoid. I kinda have a girl-crush on her. Every Tuesday she has someone share their "typical tuesday" on her blog & I get to be that someone this week. I feel kinda cool.

This is important

2011-05-29T22:32:00.000-06:00

Seis-o de Mayo Fiesta

2011-05-13T13:17:00.009-06:00

Ever since we knew Abram's due date, we thought it would be fun to have a Cinco de Mayo party for him. Rent a taco truck, have obnoxious Mexican polka music rockin', and a pinata of course. I'm excited to show you the pictures. This was a lot less work than I thought it would be because I have awesome family who always offer to help & bring food & be my own personal margarita maker (thanks Steve! I love you! (even though blogs are beneath you & you would never read this)) and because the taco truck (which was awesome, thank you Danny for arranging it with your mad Spanish speaking skills) did most of the food.
I made Churro cupcakes & a carrot cake for Abram to smash, which was decidedly the highlight of the night, at least for me.
Here are the pics in no particular order because blogger sucks to load lots of pictures into. (Does anyone have any tips to make this easier? please please please)

Elder Parry! Evan's farewell is this Sunday, I'm so in love with this kid, he is beyond awesome.
miss Elsie Jane, how cute is that outfit, I could just eat her up.
G-Dawg holding Soph while Abram's little cousin-buddy Sully plays in the background
See, when you have a party catered you can actually enjoy it. What a concept.
And there's the number for ya. Olga & her husband were awesome.
Sawyer just played & played with this neighbor girl the whole night.
The kids table. Sawyer was so excited to have a special project to put together & decorate while I was setting up. She is at such a fun stage right now.
My men. Both of them were a little excited to bash George's head in.
Abram actually "got" it. Sawyer at her first birthday? not so much. Apparently boys like to destroy things... who knew?
ah, Cyd. The beauteous Cydney. Even perplexed she is still gorg.
Lucy Loo. Do you like her ever so occasion appropriate little shirt? That's authentic, too.
And here's the cake. I swear that candle was red in the store. The cupcakes have a bit of dulce de leche inside & drizzled on top. Then the cinnamon buttercream & a Costco churro topped them off. They were really good.
Seriously, that smile is gonna get him everywhere in life.
The kids really enjoyed the pinata.
This bottle was full of wishes & wise words for Abram from my friends at his baby shower. My favorite? "Dear Abram- I'm sure you're a good person, but right now we just don't know. -Grace"
No surprise that a Parry knocked the monkey's head off.
I love those little lips! (and do you like the road rash on his arm? yeah, I have no idea where he got that.)
Doesn't that look fun?

Yeah, they for sure are in love. Either that or she just wants his cake.

It was so much fun to have everyone there, besides an unfortunate delivery incident wherein the Parry family did not receive their invitation, it was a roaring success!

Fast Five movie review

2011-05-13T12:01:00.001-06:00

Dear Whoever Had the Idea to put Three of my Favorite Men in One (highly entertaining) Movie-
Thank you Thank you Thank you. But making me wait until the very very end for a Dwayne Johnson smile was mean. Very mean. Also I love Paul Walker's shoes. And Vin Deisel's everything.
With gratitude for a fun birthday date with my VERY favorite man,
Celeste
p.s. Maybe less objectification of women next time though....

- Posted from my iPhone

Ode to Boy

2011-05-05T22:46:00.003-06:00

Dear Abram-
366 days ago, at 6:04 am Matt & I had the inexplicable joy of meeting you for the first time. It feels like 10 minutes ago. We waited for you for a long, long time. I knew during each of those miscarriages, once I made it through the blinding sadness & disappointment, I knew that you were supposed to to come to this earth, to our family at a very particular time for a very particular reason. I want you to know, without a doubt that you were worth it. A thousand times over, you were worth it. I want you to also know that I know that your Heavenly Father loves you & knows you & has a plan for you. I hope we can one day understand that plan, even a little bit. He always manages to come up with the best plans. Let Him guide you. That's why we named you Abram. Abram was Abraham's name before God changed it, before Abram let God into his life & saw what He could make of it. Let your name be a daily reminder to live your life so that you can see what He can make of yours.
You have brought so much happiness to our family. You are stubborn, curious, determined (oh, goodness, so determined), funny, sweet, forgiving and strong. These are just the traits that I can already see. I'm unfathomably excited to see what else comes of you.
Please always be kind to your sister. She loves you so much. She is such an amazing example of kindness & thoughtfulness. (Also she is pretty organized, feel free to follow that example as well.)
Everyone calls you "mini-matt" but I gave you my dimples and just look at that smile-if I give you nothing else in your life, I will have given you enough to get by.
Abram, you have my heart. I don't know how else to say it, but I love you so much it's nearly embarrassing. I hope you'll have patience with me. I will want too many kisses. I will cheer too loudly at your games. (And knowing me, at the incorrect times.) I will probably hate every girl you date. I will get teary at really stupid things. Just roll your eyes at me and give me a hug, heck, I'll even settle for a side-hug. One day you'll tower over me and tell me (if you're anything like your Dad) to stop taking myself so seriously, to relax.

Oh, I pray that you are like your Dad.

I cannot think of a better man to pattern yourself after. Thus the middle name. We debated over your middle name more than anything. Abram was set in stone since I was like 13. But your middle name was tough. In fact it's incorrect on your birth certificate. It was Douglas. After my brother, one of the kindest, most Christ-like guys I know. I hope you two have a chance to become buddies. I hope he'll take you camping & hiking & climbing one day.
There was also some discussion of naming you after your uncle Scott. Uncle Scott passed away last November. He also would have been good for a hike or two. Or an IronMan. One day we'll tell you about him. About how to serve others with no thought for yourself. Almost to a fault.
Another option for the middle name was Steele, after Daddy's mission president's middle name. President Hansen is a huge reason for Daddy being the man that he is. I'll let him tell you about all that though.
Anyway, I wanted to take a minute to tell you that I love you & I'm so grateful for you. You are pure joy. I can't believe a year has passed. Your party tomorrow is going to be rad. Check out the picture I used in the invitation.Taco truck. Pinata. Sombreros. Margaritas. In fact, I need to get back to work.
I love you
Momma (or, as you are currently saying it- MAM! MAM!!)
p.s. thanks for being a really great sleeper.

Pre-K doctor visit

2011-04-27T20:37:00.005-06:00

Last week I took Sawyer for her prekindergarten well child check. It was nice because Susie came up & watched Abram & let us have a little girl time together. Susie wanted me to ask about Sawyer always being on her tiptoes, she worries a lot but I'm super glad she said this because it turns out that this could be a problem. Sawyer's tendons are really tight back there on her ankles & she needs to cut out the tiptoeing. We are also doing stretches every morning & night. It's proving to be tough for Sawyer to break this habit, I think I've reinforced it by complimenting her on her awesome, strong legs all the time. Also apparently she's super knock-kneed. Jeez I wonder where she got that from? I've always hated my knees, and hers are a lot worse than mine, so I'd like to see what we can do. The weird thing is that she's knock-kneed but her toes always turn out instead of being pigeon toed like you'd think. So basically just picture that "a too day tah a too day tah a too day ta ta" song from girl's camp, and you've got an idea of what we're dealing with. hahaha not really, but it seems like it. We have a pediatric orthopedic consult on June 2nd to check out both issues. Kinda nervy about that.
Other than that, she's awesome, great vision & hearing & smart as a whip. She is 47 and a half inches tall & 52 pounds, which puts her in the 97th percentile for height & 92nd for weight.
But the best part about the appointment was the shots. Seriously. I hadn't told her that she'd be getting shots, but that morning in the bath, she was freaking out about me working her knots out of her hair, and I talked to her about how when we have to do something kind of painful, the only thing that makes it better is to relax & think about something else, something that makes you happy & really engages you. She turned it right around! Then at the doctors, after Dr. Strasser left, Sawyer asked if we could go now, and I told her that the nurses would be right in to give her some pokes. We talked about how lots of pioneers died from diseases that the pokes protect us from & how lucky we are to have modern medicine. Then I reminded her of how much it helped her to think of something else this morning in the tub. When the nurse came in she was ready. She was going to think of "books & rainbows" and hold a lego & be just fine. The nurse asked me to hold her arms down & I said I didn't think that would be necessary.
It was not.
I seriously don't think I've ever been more proud of her. She didn't make a peep. Grimaced a little, but didn't even cry while taking one in each thigh. That chic is a freaking rock star. After my experience with hypnobirthing & understanding a little bit of just how powerful our minds are, it was so rad to share this with my little girl & have her see that it really works.
Afterward we went to The Pizza Factory for lunch. Sawyer specifically requested to go there because of the breadtwists. No, not so much the breadtwists as the sticks they come on. She has had it in her head to make a kite & thought that those sticks would be perfect for this project. I love how her brain works. Her memory is soooo freakishly sharp and she's so dang creative. We had a great time together, I love to sit & listen to her stories & ideas & silly 5 year old jokes.

Also, on an unrelated note, you should know that if James Durbin doesn't win American Idol I will eat my shoe. I love his twitchy little faces too.

vroom vroom

2011-04-26T21:59:00.006-06:00

Abram likes cars
I like that Abram likes cars
Abram makes driving noises, deep manly driving noises
I love his driving noises
Abram loves it when I drive cars along his arms & across his head
But I've never made driving noises at himI don't know how he knows that this little toy with wheels is a car and that it should go vrrroomIs there a sound effect gene? One that is stronger in boys than in girls?

Here are some other things Abram loves at nearly one year old (gah!).... waving bye-bye to people and to indicate that he is done eating.... clapping when he's done something he thinks is pretty cool and when he's ready to go to sleep & we start getting him in his pjs.... Sawyer. He ADORES his big sister like no other.... wrestling. Particularly with our whole family in bed in the morning, it's his favorite
.... the miniature playground at Cookie Cutters. We took Sawyer for a haircut today & he spent the entire time stomping up the steps & sliding down the slide....all by his onesie!

I'm shocked sometimes at how much this little guy has me wrapped around his little finger. Maybe I shouldn't be, have you seen his dimples?

Girl's Weekend!!!

2011-04-26T21:32:00.006-06:00

Holy cow, I don't even know where to start. This was a dream come true. My mom planned a weekend for all my sisters & sister-in-law (we missed you sooo much Shannon!) to get together, and you have no idea how big a deal that is.

Me & Kristy, my eldest sister & one of the most beautiful people on the planet. She deserves a post of her very own.

Cydney & Jozet (have I mentioned how awesome Cyd is as a sister-wife? And how nice it is to have Jozet living closer? Even though I don't see her that much more, it's just nice to know that I could be there in an hour.)

Jozet, Carrie & my cute Mom. Some of the classiest ladies you'll ever know.

Mom, Jen & Mandy. Oh for the love! I can't even believe we all were able to get together with no kids for a whole weekend! It was amazing!

We have NEVER done this. Ever. Most of my sisters were able to make it to Mom's on Friday night, we attempted to watch The Holiday together, but it was way super late & I bailed & retreated to Abram & I's room to sleep. Mom got a condo up in Midway, near the Homestead, and the place was great, but we opted to go to my mom's ward's Women's Conference on Saturday instead. Kristy (the baby whisperer) helping Abes get to sleep at Women's Conference

I'm so glad we did, it was completely what I needed, although it was rather, um... challenging with Abram in tow. I was happy to conceed to Matt when he offered to take Abram home while I went about the rest of the weekend. After the conference most people went to the temple, but Abes & I stayed home & had a nap & a lovely chat with my Dad, respectively. Afterward we all met up at Joy Luck for a Chinese food feast. We pretty much had a private room & stayed & laughed our faces off for a few hours, then headed up to Gourmadise (at my insistence) and again stayed & laughed our faces off for a few hours. Then we had to run to the grocery store, but it was after midnight & so we went to the Smith's Marketplace on 400 South, and annoyed people there for a while. By the time we got up to the condo, unpacked & settled in it was like 1 am & that didn't stop us from staying up & laughing our faces off for a while longer. By 3 most people were asleep, but Jozet woke up smelling carbon monoxide & so we called the utility company & they came & banged around on the pipes for an hour or so. Very exciting night. But we all survived. Cyd & I left at 7 am to get home in time for me to nurse Abram & get us all off to church.

I was shocked that all of my sisters were able to make it, but so sad that Shannon wasn't able to. Hopefully this'll become a regular thing though.

1st lose-ed toof

2011-04-26T21:14:00.005-06:00

Last Wednesday I picked Sawyer up from tumbling & found only part of her there. She put the missing piece in her pocket & we were very lucky it stayed in there during class. That night we put it in a baggie under her pillow & hoped for the best. Little Miss Tooth Fairy did not dissapoint. She brought a DVD- Barbie & the Magic of Pegasus! We love a Barbie movie around these parts. (by "we" I mean Sawyer & no one else.)

For some reason this little rite of passage seems very big to me. I may have gotten a bit teary when it started wriggling. We waited 12 months for that tooth to come in & now at the ripe old age of 5 and a half, it has abandoned it's post & turned my baby girl into a kid-type person.

She's riding a bike (with training wheels, don't get all excited)
She's crossing the street unassisted.
She's watching her brother alarmingly well.
She's walking friends to the door when they have to go home, offering their coats & saying "thank you for coming!"
Today she wouldn't hold my hand in the store.
We fought over the length of her shorts just the other day.

What in the world is going on here?

Oh, and I had promised to tell about kicking 3 of Sawyer's friends out of the house, but it's a rather boring tale; it doesn't merit it's own post. The other day Sawyer had two friends over, and then our darling little British accented neighbor boy came over as well. I love these kids all individually, but collectively, and I'm including Sawyer in this, they drive me crazy. Let's just say there was couch-stripping and fort building and then demolition & all together too much noise for an exhausted little 11.75 month old baby boy. But the last straw was when I asked people to help clean up and was met with military coup-like resistance. So people were asked to leave. Not really a big deal.

Spring Break in Saint Geezy- Day Uno

2011-04-26T20:52:00.002-06:00

the following post was written Monday April 4th and is the first installment in an attempt to catch up on my blogging. Please note that although it is entitled "day uno" there will be no "day dos" or anything else for that matter. Consider the matter of St. George Spring Break 2011 closed, and just know that it was a whole lot of fun, and a lot more of this:

wake up, feed babies, dress babies, delight in babies' sweet relationship with each other & their sweet cousins, lay babiest baby down, then run stairs & do the first day of deadly insanity work out program, wish i hadn't. (but not really. I secretly loved every sucky second) cold shower, pack an awesome picnic & take it to the pool, watch Sawyer win about 15 imaginary races across the pool, snuggle with Abram in the perfect temperature hot tub, lay Abes down again & color with my girl, share turkey jerky & spray cheese with crackers, go swimming again this time with Kari & Sydney, go swimming again this time with Max & Davis & Ricky, go to the Pizza Factory, enjoy gigantic breadtwists & veggie pizza, secretly wish to punch undersupervised children in restaurants, go to grocery store & get cupcake experimenting supplies and a bag of animal cookies, eat too many animal cookies, put the boy to bed, suffer through dancing with the stars (man, that show is awful. if i didn't love my MIL so much...), chat with one of my all-time favorite people on the planet, watch part of megamind, walk back to our condo making weird shadows & weirder stories about them with my favorite girl, post a boring post, go to bed early? p.s. did you see this? I just nominated myself the captain of Team Gale.

I am NOT pioneer woman

2011-04-25T23:38:00.001-06:00

In fact I don't even believe in her. I think she's a big fake faker. But I'll tell ya what, those pioneer women, the real ones, they must have been nutso. Also included in this "Nutso" category are women whose husbands are deployed, women who are single moms, women whose husbands are kinda lame, women with special needs kids and women whose husbands are workaholics... among others.
Matt worked 14 hours today. Bless his heart. Sawyer woke up on the wrong side of the bed & STAYED there. Abram has been declining his afternoon nap for the last week and then losing his freaking marbles about 5:15 every night.
Of course that's also about the time that Sawyer is hungry & whiny & I'm irritable & dinner is not anywhere near ready & Abram wants to be held & the house is a freaking wreck & the floor that I have swept 8 times already is stinking to my aching feet. Normally Matt walks in the door about this time & kisses me. Somehow he still smells amazing. Somehow he can still make my heart go all pitter-pattery. Somehow he calms the baby down and gets Sawyer to think that cleaning up her toys is the funnest game on the planet. Somehow the whines & cries are replaced by laughter & songs. Somehow he makes me feel appreciated & sexy, even with my incomplete do-to list & pjs & ponytail. But not tonight, and it really makes me realize a few things.
1) I am a big fat spoiled brat
2) my husband is a-freaking-mazing, and
3) mothering is rather challenging. I'm probably a two-kids-tops kind of a mom.

- Posted from my iPhone

It's an Easter miracle!!!

2011-04-24T10:05:00.000-06:00

No, really it totally is. When we woke up today our sweet little tulips looked like this:

Then, in an act of great faith, I watered them. (yes, watering them would have been a great idea say, yesterday...)
In a matter of an hour or two, this is what they look like:

Yay for the resurrection! I've been thinking about new life, about spring & how all things manifest that there is a God, and that He loves & knows each of us. I pray that I can be more conscious of these facts throughout each day & that my actions will reflect my knowledge that His opinion is the only one that matters.
Speaking of opinions though.... I'd like yours. About high-chairs. See that breakfast in bed table thing behind my tulips? That's what Abram has been eating off of. Only it's usually on the floor, somewhat akin to the way a dog eats. I took his old high chair to Kid to Kid yesterday as I hated it. It was impossible to clean & highly nasty. So, we need a new high chair STAT. You know, so the boy doesn't have to eat like Charlie-style anymore. Do you have a high chair that you love? What is it please?
Thank you & Happy Easter to you.
- Posted from my iPhone

Things I should blog about...

2011-04-20T23:28:00.001-06:00

...but instead I'm watching Happy Endings on hulu. (awesome btw)
- spring break in St. George
- Sawyer's first loose tooth
- kicking 3 of Sawyer's friends out of our house (just for you, Lola)
- the first annual (hopefully) Miller girl's weekend
- the fact the Abram loves cars and somehow figured out the appropriate sound effects to make as he drives them around the house and that it is the single cutest thing on the entire planet
- the 90 day healthy eating challenge I am attempting
- how amazing I am at calling the American Idol winner
- the garden that might be...
- the drama of choosing a school for my kid
One day perhaps...

- Posted from my iPhone

boooo for preschool pet day

2011-04-13T14:41:00.002-06:00

today sawyer had "pet day" at her school. everyone brought their pets & showed them off. the kids asked questions about and got to pet the pets. there were 3 dogs, a cat, a turtle and sawyer's pictures of her fish Goldie and Charlie. I asked her as I picked her up if her friends liked her pets. She said that some kids asked about her fish, but no one asked about Charlie. She said "I sure wish Charlie could have come to pet day with me. In real life, not just a picture."

I'm sure no one wants to hear me whine about this anymore, but when do I get over this? When is it going to not suck the breath out of me to hear her say things like that? It doesn't help that I miss her like crazy too. It doesn't help that I have this core belief that kids, boys in particular, need a partner in crime, a friend that always wants to play, a strong back to lean against and someone to run wild through fields with. It kills me that Abram won't ever know her and that Sawyer is slowly forgetting her.

thunk...thunk....thunk

2011-03-31T20:14:00.004-06:00

I need to do a better job of writing down the silly things my kids do & say. Here's one:
last night I read an article in Parents magazine, listing some of the signs that your kid may be "gifted". Well obviously I have two superior children on my hands, so I just wanted to see if the author knew what they were talking about. I was telling Matt tonight at dinner what these "signs" were, how Sawyer fit them to a T, when we look over at Abes & homeboy is standing under our glass dining room table, banging his fat little monkey paw on the underside of the table trying to grab my cell phone. Through the glass. It was close enough to the edge that he could have just reached up & grabbed it, but clearly, that'd would have been too much effort. Ummmm yeah, he may not be showing signs of a gifted child any time soon. HA! it was so freaking funny. It reminded me of that part of Bee Movie where he keeps trying to fly through a window "this time... this time.... this time!"
Then when I was tucking Sawyer into bed....crap. I forgot. Seriously I think I am getting Alzheimers.
OH! OH! I remembered! We were saying goodnight to her fish & she asked how fishes sleep. I don't know that. I told her that I really didn't think they did. Then she goes "wow, they must get really whiny, it's a good thing that we can't hear them whine..."wha wha wha i'm hungry wha wha"". Oh my gosh I love that girl.
(After some googling, turns out I was right(ish). They rest, but it's not usually like sleep as humans think of it.)

yeah, I know...

2011-03-30T22:13:00.002-06:00

...another post about Airborne. blah, blah, blah. "can't she blog about anything besides this stupid band?" No. No I can't. And take it back. We don't say stupid. At least not when we're talking about Airborne. I defy you to not like this song. For real. If you can listen to the whole thing, aren't a complete 'tard, and say that you do not like it, nay, LOVE it, I will buy you a Red Mango. Or something. Actually no. I take it back. You shouldn't be rewarded for having bad taste in music. Or being dumb.

I'm having these made up as we speak

2011-03-17T10:19:00.001-06:00

as of late...

2011-03-16T10:55:00.007-06:00

I've been trying to write a very thought provoking, deep post about balance, but frankly, I'm failing. I'm trying too hard to write like Laura or Sarah and I am not Laura or Sarah, so as you can imagine, it's difficult. I've got to re-figure out how to write like me. Perhaps I should consult my high school English teacher. She seemed to think I was a decent writer...
anyway, I'd like to at least post some of what we've been up to around these parts. Last Saturday, Cydney, bless her heart, retrieved my big ol' chunky camera from the depths of despair (my freezing cold wreck of an office) and started taking pictures of Abram eating. Sadly I've done the typical second-child thing & kind of ignored the fun little milestones that he's been hitting lately, instead of documenting every second of his life like I did with Sawyer. Homeboy is full on walking now. He took his first steps just before he hit 10 months, and hasn't quit since. He is pretty darn stable now & rarely resorts to crawling. He loves food, I could probably feed him all day long and he'd be happy as long as I didn't try to make him sit still to do it. He is weaning himself quite nicely just because he doesn't have the patience to sit still & stare at my armpit while he nurses. As you can see in these pictures, by the time Cyd had gotten the camera, he was ready to be on to his next adventure. Also the first few pictures she took the flash was on & he did NOT like that. So he's ornery. But it's kinda cute anyway.
look at those chunky legs! i just wanna nibble on 'em!

who's that old woman picking my son up? when did my hands get all veiny & elderly looking?

I kinda love this picture. There's my life. Dishes. Ponytail. Cleaning up a mess. There is nobility in the mundane. At least that's how I'm trying to start looking at it, thanks to this post.
Matt must have taken the camera at some point in the day. He & Sawyer were outside most of the afternoon. I'm sure he was practicing his golf swing while she played in the back of my car with her friends, something they all love doing, don't ask me why.
and then she had to come inside.
Sunday Abram's little cousin-friend Sully was blessed, I missed the actual blessing because Fatniss Everpeen (my new nickname for Abes, please tell me you get my joke) was being a starving little loud-mouth. I hear it was lovely, and of course his amazing momma made his darling blessing outfit. Click over here to die from cuteness.
I've been really trying to make a better effort with meal planning & whatnot. I'm pretty much cooking my way though the Our Best Bites cookbook and loving everything (big surprise there, their website is my favorite). I made this pasta and kind of wanted to make out with it. The thing that makes the biggest difference for me is that lately I'm starting to prep dinner at like 10 am. I get all organized & set things out & chop what veggies I can so that when 5 o'clock rolls around I'm not tempted to stick Sawyer in front of the TV and let Abram destroy my kitchen cupboards while I make breakfast for dinner yet again. Monday night I made probably the most tasty cake on the planet, my new favorite. I cleaned out our spice cupboard & noticed a recipe on the side of the cardamon jar. Since I had some cream that needed using I decided to try it. It's so simple & so amazing. Just look at that crumb, sooo fine!
I think I can even remember the recipe:
Orange Cardamon Pound Cake
2 sticks butter (I used unsalted without a problem)
3 cups sugar
3 cups flour (I used cake flour)
6 eggs
1 1/2 tsp cardamon
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup heavy cream
Cream butter then add other ingredients in order and mix, periodically scrapping down sides of bowl. Pour into greased & floured tube or bundt pan. Bake at 275 for an hour then increase temperature to 350 for 15-20 minutes. Let cool in pan for 5 minutes before taking out of pan.
Over medium heat, combine 1 cup orange juice & 1 cup sugar till sugar is completely dissolved.
Pour over warm cake.
Try to make it last at least a few days.

I'm thinking about starting my garden, but really having a hard time drumming up the motivation. Is it time? I feel like there's at least one more storm coming our way....

my new favorite song and video

2011-03-09T22:44:00.003-07:00

Bran Flax Muffins

2011-03-09T14:31:00.002-07:00

I am soooo not a food blogger, but these are so stinkin' yummy I had to share. And healthy too!
So my hubs almost nevereverever eats breakfast at home in the morning. He is rarely ready to eat right off the bat & would rather pour a bowl of grape nuts at the office. Well, I'm one of those people who express love through food, and if you don't eat my food, that's basically the equivalent of saying that you have come to not so much like me anymore.... It's been hard not to take it personally. So I've been trying to think of something that he could grab on the way out the door, that freezes well, that's healthy & doesn't contain any of the many things he hates.
Imagine my delight when I found a recipe just a-waiting for me on our bag of Bob's Red Mill Flaxseed (which is awesome stuff btw. I add it to my smoothies and oatmeal for a nutty & ever so fiberific flavor.)

1 1/2 cup unbleached white flour
3/4 cup flaxseed meal
3/4 cup old fashioned oats
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 cup shredded carrots
3 medium apples, peeled, cored & shredded
3/4 cup milk
2 eggs beaten
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Mix together flour, flaxseed, oats, brown sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt & cinnamon in a large bowl. Stir in carrots & apples. Combine milk, eggs and vanilla in a separate bowl, then pour over liquid ingredients. Stir until ingredients are moistened. Do not over mix. Fill muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes. Yields 18 regular sized muffins.
These only have 115 calories and 2 grams of fat each. Of course that's before you spread some butter on it. I'm not responsible for your butter spreading tendencies.
I'm excited to see how Matt likes them.

awesome pictures that for some reason haven't yet made it onto the blog

2011-03-06T22:25:00.003-07:00

(don't mind Abram's little peeper)

someone's got to say it

2011-02-28T00:40:00.003-07:00

I've had this post stewing in my head for a long time now. I'm still not sure exactly what I want to say or how to go about saying it, so we'll see how it goes.

porn sucks

i was talking to to friend this weekend who is (for the second time) dealing with a husband who has a pornography problem. her first marriage ended in divorce because of porn & some more severe problems that stemmed from it. Unfortunately, I have a bit of experience with the crapfest of worthlessness that a wife feels when her husband regularly views porn. it isn't fun. I cannot fathom how it must feel to this friend of mine to be dealing with it again in her new marriage. bless her heart. and bless his too, because he really is trying. they are in therapy, group, couples and individual and some of the statistics she shared with me made me want to cry. Pornography is chemically & physically more addictive than crack. Easier to get, too. Apparently an estimated 60% of LDS men have pornography issues. And that's within a church/culture that is quite clear on their stand on the subject.
SHUN.
RUN.
DON'T EVEN GO THERE.
OR EVEN CLOSE TO THERE.
that's the LDS church's stand. it befuddles me that the world at large doesn't believe that porn is even a problem at all. that it's normal & to be expected. (my jaw is permanently on the ground at this thought)
As I listened to my friend I was overcome by gratitude for a husband who is freakishly vigilant about that whole shun/run thing. Seriously. He's had me set the parental controls on our TV so high that you can hardly watch That 70s Show without a password. If I go out of town, I have strict orders to take the laptop with me. My fitness magazines and most catalogues are not welcome in our house. They go straight from the mailbox to my locker at the gym or the outside garbage can (respectively). Probably 2 or 3 nights a week we talk about a situation or picture or video that Matt saw that he wished he hadn't. Most are harmless & unintentional, but he (correctly & thankfully) feels that by checking in with me & being open about it he will be less tempted.
I'm so so so so so grateful for & in awe of the fact that a man this noble & cautious is mine. Talking to my friend, hearing how heartbreaking her struggles are, and knowing all too well how the tip of that iceberg feels, I couldn't help but wonder if this is one of those things, like depression, that we are shooting ourselves in the feet by not talking more openly about. Sure, we talk about how bad it is, but do we talk about how we avoid it? About how we overcome it? How destructive it is on a personal level?
I'm sure that my dinky little blog isn't the ideal place to begin a discussion like this, but I'm interested. At first I kind of thought that Matt was obnoxiously diligent, just his anxiety acting up or something. But after talking in depth with him over the years, I realize how extremely prevalent this is, and how easy it is for these good men of ours to slip up & start sliding down an extremely slippery slope. Are you doing things in your marriage to be proactive in this area? And what about my son? How do I shelter him from the crap that is going to be so in his face from the second he can see past his own toes? Oh gosh. Don't even get me started on that panic attack waiting to happen.
Honestly it makes me want to have a very small family, I simply cannot comprehend how I can be IN my kids lives enough if I have even one more. I want to know every friend, every friend's parents, I want to screen every TV show, every commercial. Of course I know that isn't possible, or even healthy. I've got to teach them right & at some point they will be in a situation where they have to decide for themselves, but oh my goodness, I am petrified about it sometimes.
please tell me I'm not alone.

p.s. after rereading this in the light of day, I feel that I need to clarify that when I said that I had experience being a wife of a dude who likes his porn, I was not in any way referring to Matt. If you didn't know, I was once married to another guy, a not so great one.

2011-02-23T18:52:00.001-07:00

sometimes I think my five year old is actually 14. And hates me. And everything I make, do or say.

- Posted from my iPhone

glorious day

2011-02-18T23:32:00.001-07:00

we did a fair bit of basking today. basking in the sun as well as in the girlfriendship.

and now I'm trying to say my prayer listening to my daughter fart & jabber in her sleep and I'm thinking that probably God is giggling right along with me.

- Posted from my iPhone

you are hereby ordered to watch this video and become as obsessed with this band as i am

2011-02-16T15:00:00.001-07:00

"and that's all I have to say about that."

2011-02-11T14:57:00.001-07:00

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will be standing, because it is a celestial institution formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this."

Neal A. Maxwell

- Posted from my iPhone

pics from el telephono

2011-02-09T22:22:00.001-07:00

(I love it when all the Braverman siblings dance together)
(oh and when Adam accidentally gets high)

I found this pic of Audrey Hepburn somewhere online. Apparently she actually had a fawn for a pet when she was young. Cutest thing ever, right?

Oh, wait. No, this is the cutest picture ever. My boys. Abram has been congested like nobody's business. A hot bath with Daddy every night clears it out nicely. I actually took a picture of all the snot I sucked out of his nose one morning. It was seriously impressive. I'll use some restraint though & not feature it here.

Last Friday we went out with some of my very favorite people on the planet, Angie & Tim Cella, Annetta & Rick Williams, Cyd & Nick and our sweet kiddos, Sawyer & Abram. We went to Tepanyaki & had a great time. I'm so happy that we've been able to have Cyd with us. It's been so much fun to have her. Honestly I was expecting some drama at some point. Still waiting. She's just awesome & I'm so proud of her & the choices she's making. Look at Nick's face here. Have you seen more adoration in your life?

They're so cute together. Nick got his mission call last week. Spanish speaking Columbus Ohio! Leaves May 4th.

Sawyer created a new friend. She stuck a chow mein noodle in her cup of water & named him Wormy. He's been slowly disintegrating on her shelf since then. I'm waiting for the right moment to throw him away.
She was very well behaved all during dinner. So was this guy.

And his cheeks. All 10 pounds of them.

Well that's about all I got. Unless you wanna see the snot pic...
- Posted from my iPhone

now taking donations

2011-02-09T11:19:00.003-07:00

Matt knows a guy (wish I had a nickle for everytime I've said that) that rents a house in Maui every November for all of November. I know, sad for him, right? Anyway, he's a great family friend & he has invited us to come out & stay with them for a week. I know, sad for us, right? He's ever so generously offered to pay for our room & board if we can just get ourselves there. The problem is that 2011 is officially "The Year of Reigning it in" (financially, that is). Spending $1800 on airfare just doesn't really go along with our reigning it in goals. I cannot believe how much I want to make it happen though. Opportunities like that NEVER come along. We'd be fools to not go. I was looking at airfare last night & the thought that we might not be able to go pretty much sunk me into a deep depression. Have you BEEN to Maui? It's uhmazing. I think that the only way it's going to happen though is if I can pay for it with cake money. Or selling platelets. Or something.
So if you know of anyone getting married or having a fiesta of some sort, please give them my number. I've kinda stepped out of the wedding cake bizniz while I have a newish baby, but homeboy is a big boy now, just ask him.
I figure 6 or 8 cakes'd do it. I can totally handle that.
Either give me referrals or give me money, it's your call.
I'll bring you back some caramacs.

it still sucks, thanks for asking

2011-02-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

Today one of the counselors in the bishopric started testimony meeting off by stating how grateful he was for his family, how nice it was after a bad day to have a lovely wife & sweet kids to come home to. Then he went on for a bit about how a dog, though, was probably the best. A dog loves you no matter what, they don't ask for much in return, and they lose their minds with excitement everytime you come home.
He may as well have kicked me in the face.
Oh my gosh.
All the missing just came washing back over me again like no time had passed at all.
I just sat there & quietly lost it, crying gigantic silent tears into my baby's fat little neck.
It sucked.

And for the record, if I read or talk to one more person that complains about their dog, their neighbor's dog, or a dog they used to know.... I might have to slap a ho.

I'm just sayin'.

- Posted from my iPhone

Christmas

2011-02-01T22:37:00.004-07:00

Sawyer sleeping under the tree on Christmas Eve Eve, or Cyd's birthday as it's known around here.
One tradition I'm keeping from my growing up, everyone has to line up, youngest to oldest before you go in to see the tree/loot.
Speaking of loot...
Sawyer was so funny, she wanted to open everything & arrange them around her before she played with anything.
And she likes her pink wii controller. I did not pose her like this in anyway. It was all her doing.
Abes love love loves his little einstein music table.
After all was said & done, Matt gave me an envelope with the most beautifully written love letter. I was bawling as I read it, but then it started talking about "this ring" and I got confused. I look up to ask him & he's holding a ring box with the most beautiful emerald & white gold ring. Emerald is my favorite color, it's also Matt & Abram's birthstone. And Scott's. His letter tied these all together so beautifully & really gave the ring sooo much more meaning than just a pretty little thing. Every time I look at it I think of our fun past, our blessed present & our incredible future. I'm so grateful for a husband who takes the time everyday AND on special occasions to make me feel so special and appreciated & loved. It was a fantastic Christmas.

Thanksgiving?

2011-02-01T22:31:00.002-07:00

Not my favorite year. Scott passed away on the 19th, so we weren't really ready for much celebrating by the time Thanksgiving rolled around. Bless her heart, Susie had such great intentions to throw a feast together, but I'm proud of her for acknowledging that it just was not in the cards this year. We were lucky & got a reservation at a phenomenal place, Franck's. So Susie, Steven & Jen's family & ours went out to dinner. It was amazing food, they had a mushroom & white chocolate soup that was honestly probably the single best thing I've ever eaten. I ate Matt's, Sawyer's & Livy's as well as mine. You think I'm kidding? I kid you not. But it was great to be together & just bask in the resiliency of Matt's family. I love them.

SoCal trip

2011-02-01T22:16:00.003-07:00

Sawyer is lucky because her birthday is right by Veteran's Day, and Matt usually can take a few days off work & we some times go on a trip & tell her it's for her birthday. Really we are just petrified of the imminent winter looming ahead of us & need some more sun before we get into the holidays.
This year Susie accompanied us to LA/San Diego. It was probably the most beautiful I've seen Los Angeles, the day we went to the Getty Museum was incredibly clear & retardedly gorgeous. Plus that museum is freaking cool. Sawyer actually really enjoyed looking at the art. Matt was really smart & had her tell us her favorite painting in each gallery, and she had a blast telling us why she liked each one. We also spent a day at SeaWorld, which was totally fun. While we were there Grandma Susie bought Sawyer a pearl (a "pell" if you listen to Sawyer say it. sooo cute) that they took out of the shell & mounted onto a butterfly necklace. Sawyer has taken such good care of it. She really loves it. It was a good trip because we only had a few things we really wanted to do, so we just did a lot of scenic drives & good eating & talking & laughing.

Sawyer's Birthday!

2011-02-01T22:12:00.003-07:00

We kept Sawyer's actual birthday kinda low key. I wasn't going to do a gigantic party again and then take off the next day for Southern California, so we told her she could take one friend and we'd go to a movie & dinner. Somehow she finagled a trip to Build-A-Bear though. So we took Jaycee (obviously. these two are like air to each other) and went to the "palm tree place" aka In-N-Out Burger, then to see Megamind & built some bears.

I mean 14 days of truth

2011-02-01T21:23:00.005-07:00

yup, 14 days is all ya get. But this time it's not because of a lack of sticktoitiveness on my part. No, it's because the questions started to get super lame. Also, I realized that I probably spew too much truth as it is, so it was kind of a pointless exercise.

I just realized I've not yet blogged about Sawyer's birthday or Christmas. Or a ton of other lovely things we've been up to.

I shall strive to catch up tonight.

yup. more ATE

2011-01-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

i have zero tolerance for any other music these days

I can die now.

2011-01-24T13:23:00.002-07:00

The Airborne show this weekend was the single greatest concert I've ever been to. I can't even sum it up in words. I really liked them before, but I full on adore them now. The talent. Holy crow. Each member of the band can play multiple instruments AND sing. We're talking the violinist grabbing a tambourine then singing, then running over to the piano for a few. The bass guitar being played with a bow. (beautiful btw) Completely accapella harmonizing. It was ridiculous. You could tell that all the symphony musicians were loving it. At one point Mikel hopped up on the contuctor's stand & rocked out with him. There was this one viola player that couldn't get the smile off her face. Me either. My face hurt by intermission. I had goosebumps for like 2 hours straight.

(from our seats before we moved down front & center)
I'm so excited for their new album to come out in April. They played a few songs from it & they are just a vulnerable & raw & beautiful as the first album.

One song starts & ends with Mikel singing accapella and the lyrics are just so...like naked & haunting. Holy crow. To have to fullness of a symphony behind them just made their amazing music just so much bigger....GAH!!

Sorry to gush so much about something no one else but me probably gives a crap about, but I'm in my kitchen dancing my brains out to the live cd I bought & I can't stop thinking about it. Oh and guess what. That cd came with a DVD of a similar show they did at the Disney concert hall with a symphony, traditional Mexican dancers, and Mikel's high school marching band. (I can't wait to watch it) anyway if you bought that DVD you got to stay after the show for a meet & greet with the band! It was great to share in this awesome night with a band that thinks enough of their fans to make time to hug strangers & pose for pictures & sign things for a few hours. Unfortunately my Mrs. Photogenic crown will be revoked after I post these pictures, so don't look at me, like anyone would anyway, these are some beautiful musicians.

(apparently something was hilarious here. But Cyd & her first husband Noah look cute)

(sorry, I have no explanation for this face. I don't know. But isn't Mikel cute?)

(I seriously look like I'm about ready to shove him in my pocket & bolt, huh?)

(Anna. I want to be her when I grow up)
Sadly I got no pictures of the drummer or the pianist/guitarist/token Asian guy. We were getting a little bit claustrophobic & worried about taking the light rail back late at night, so we left. It was unbelievable. I'm so grateful to Matt for making it happen, I had given up hope, I just couldn't figure out how to make it work. I'm so grateful for a husband who, while he may not "get" my obsession with live music or most of my favorite bands, he gets me & he knows how important it is to me to still be me, even though I'm "just a mom" 90% of the time. I'm a lucky gal.

If I could, I'd buy stock in this band. This is the next single.

Day 14

2011-01-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

A hero that has let you down.

Tiger Woods.

Actually just kidding. That's Matt's answer. He may have cried during that whole scandal.

Sheesh, for me though? I don't know. Hero is a strong word. I've got some people I admired that let me down, but apparently I choose my heroes well because they don't let people down. Jesus Christ. King Benjamin. Abigail (1 Samuel chapter 25). My best friend Kirsten. My parents. That husband of mine.
So far so good on the heroes staying on a pedastal.
I have siblings & friends who have made (in my opinion) some dumb choices, but nothing that would dissolve my admiration or love for them.
I am fortunate enough to know some phenomenal people.

This question & its answer are a little on the lame side. Sorry.

In other news-
We are on our way to Denver to see The Airborne Toxic Event concert WITH the Colorado Symphony. It's going to be uhmazing. Matt bought tickets for me for Christmas. He's the GOAT. I know LL Cool J says he is, but he's not. The Greatest of All Time is Matthew Thomas Davis. End of discussion, LL. You are the greatest lip licker of all time, but the All Around goes to my husband.

- Posted from my iPhone

As long as we are talking truth...

2011-01-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

This:

Equals this:

But seriously, check out that score! I THRASHED my mother-in-law's high score & she's like the smartest person I know! But the rest of the house is still in good shape, and, look at it this way, I'm teaching Abram to entertain himself! Right?

Also, please look that game over, if you can see a way to get rid of that Z, please let me know!

- Posted from my iPhone

Day 13

2011-01-18T21:34:00.003-07:00

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times.

Alright, my first instinct here is to say 311, but I think its wrong. Yes, I've seen them in concert like 30 times & have been slightly obsessed with them since I first heard them in Kyle Kerr's truck after early morning swim practice in my sophomore year, but when I think about songs that really helped me out with stuff, it's Alkaline Trio every time.
When I kicked my ex-husband out my brother's best friend came & visited me at work (not an odd thing, we were all buddies back then) and brought me a mix tape. Yes, a tape. Cassette tape. Geez, how much is this aging me? We had CDs, you just couldn't really record on them at the time.

There was this one song on there called Radio. Radio is the single greatest bitter breakup song of all time. It really helped me stay angry through all of Jared's manipulative attempts at reconciliation, and I needed to stay angry. I held on to that anger like it was a life vest. Because it was. I won't share all of the lyrics with you here because they are naughty, but here's a bit of the chorus-

...in case you haven't heard I'm sick & tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you, plugged in & ready to fall...

yup. I wish you would get electrocuted in the tub. That's where I was. I'm so happy to say that I no longer wish such things upon anyone.

The Alkaline Trio also has a few delightful lovey songs, one of which I couldn't stop singing when I first started dating Matt. Clavicle is its name.

...I've been on top of the world since about six months ago, marking the first time I laid eyes on you. I lost all train of thought as I entered the room, saw what looked like really good food, then I saw you & so did you... I've been on top of the world since about one week ago, marking the time when I was drunk enough to talk to you. I lost all train of thought as your eyes met mine. told you I thought you were gorgeous, you gave me your phone number I gave you mine. Before you left I said that you can bet I'd be bothering you soon, you said no bother, please do. I called you twice, it's been a hellish fight not to think about you all the time, sitting around waiting for your call...

I really like them, their lyrics are clever, their music is intense & raw, not all polished & shiny.

Ever so fine print- Please note that this is not Primary President Celeste recommending that we all go out & buy their music, but rather post-personal-apocalypse Celeste saying that they really helped her through some rough times.

Day 12

2011-01-18T00:11:00.000-07:00

Something you never get complimented on.

I can probably count on one hand how many times I've been told I smelled nice. I don't think I stink, I have good hygiene, but I never remember to put on perfume, and so I'm not one of those people who has like a signature scent wafting behind them everywhere they go.

Kinda wish I was.

- Posted from my iPhone

Day 11

2011-01-16T22:51:00.001-07:00

Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

This is also a somewhat lame question. Once upon a time people used to tell me I was pretty, but now all I hear all day is how handsome my son is & what a lovely daughter I have.
And guess what? I don't mind this shift. At. All.

See what I mean?
ewww, did you just almost throw up? Me too.
(actually if I'm being honest Sawyer gets complimented on her legs more often than not. That's what happens when you walk on your toes all the live long day. She's so rad.)

- Posted from my iPhone

Day 10

2011-01-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.

Geez Louise! This one is lame. I'm not doing it. It's my blog, durnit!

But I do need to write. I don't know any other way to say it, and I'm sure it's just because Matt AND Cydney were out of town this weekend, and my kiddos are sick, and therefore I haven't been able to go work out and now I have cabin fever, but I sure feel super crappy lately. Unmotivated & lonely mostly. I had that one really, really good day this week, but other than that its kinda been an emotional suck-fest on my part. bluh.
How do you stay in touch with friends when your lives are so dominated by the needs of small people? And you know what? Sometimes (this just happened to me on Friday) even when the stars all align & I'm able to spend time with friends, I feel weirdly isolated even while I'm with them. Like I'm not all the way there. I hate it. It just makes me want to go back to bed & wake up in a different stage of my life.

Sheesh, Miller, might need to up the dosage!

I've been feeling like this around my in-laws too. Bad. They all live like 2 miles from each other. Actually, it's probably less than that, I'm not even kidding. I just feel really out of it, like living "clear" out here in Layton, I miss out on stuff or something. I say "I" because Matt works in Bountiful & so he can make it to a lot more stuff, people just swing by his office all the time. But it's a really close family & I feel like I'm the obnoxious kid sister trying to jump into conversations & stuff. It's not their fault, they are awesome, every single one, it's just a mix of the distance & the stages my kids are at. Probably exasperated by the fact that Matt rarely remembers to tell me stuff that's going on. It's like he's my lifeline to the outside world & sometimes we are so busy that that lifeline is just not sufficient.
I'm probably dropping the ball on my end and stupidly wondering why I'm out of the loop. Anyway it's been a drag & I just needed to vent. Things will get better.
Stupid fricken January.

Day 9

2011-01-14T23:35:00.001-07:00

Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

This is an easy one- Elizabeth Ann Toller.
We still text occasionally, maybe like once a year we'll see each other, but it's never been the same since I moved out of our apartment right before I married Matt. But I'll tell ya what, that girl was exactly what I needed at that time. Sometimes God puts people in your life, then they move on, must have other lives to bless, I dunno.
I still laugh just thinking about some of the dumb crap we did & stupid stuff we used to say. Ha! We were freaking awesome! I miss you, hobag!

- Posted from my iPhone

must. have. wallpaper.

2011-01-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Could you just die? I want this wallpaper like nobody's business.

- Posted from my iPhone

best day ever.

2011-01-13T22:40:00.004-07:00

I honestly think today was my best mothering day. Like ever. No, really. And do you want to know how I define such a wonder?
- no snapping Sawyer's head off when she dawdles, loves her brother a tad to enthusiastically, or just acts like a 5 year old.
- no half-hearted responses to her (many) requests for validation that she is, in fact, the silliest 5 year old to have ever walked the planet.
- played (and actually enjoyed doing so) with each of my children, individually and together without being distracted by things I needed to do, my phone or shiny things.
- helped Cydney with a cute little project without screwing it up.
- made a birthday cake without hiring a certain big screen television as a babysitter. In fact, guess what? Haven't turned the tv on all day. like at all. I know, right?
- in the afternoon I had a great, uplifting conversation with a great, uplifting friend of mine. Thereby renewing my ability to continue said awesome day in the same manner that I started it in.
- actually studied, not just read, scriptures. and loved it. go read Alma 26. Those guys are awesome.
- got up early and went to the gym with Cydney. While we were there I read a great article about happiness in Women's Health magazine. In fact, that article is probably largely responsible for this great day. It really hit me when it said that "what we pay attention to plays a huge role in how happy" you'll be. I have wasted a lot of energy lately paying attention to how futile a lot of the stuff I do on a day-to-day basis is.
That perfectly clean floor is just going to be covered in crumbs as soon as Abram is done eating.
The laundry baskets are always half full again by the time I finish putting away the clean clothes.
If no one can bother to rinse out the sink after they brush their teeth, maybe I should just quit cleaning the bathrooms all together? (shudder)
You know the drill.
But am I cleaning a house? Is that my main goal in life? To keep a house clean? NO! that's pathetic! I'm raising a beautiful, sweet, talented daughter of God. I'm investing in an eternal relationship with the love of my life. I'm nurturing and nourishing a baby who is simply radiant with pure love!! That's what I need to be paying attention to!
"and all other things are simply appendages to it"
I feel like I finally got that today.

Here's hoping that I get it again tomorrow.

Day 8

2011-01-13T22:01:00.001-07:00

Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like {poo}

Well I don't think I've ever really gone into the details of the crap that went in in my first marriage, and that is because I am not a victim. I played a role in the crap that went on. But that part of my life was rather hellacious, and the first thing that came to my mind, so here we go.
Jared and I had a very unhealthy, manipulative and just plain icky relationship.

hmmmm.

I'm not quite sure I want to or should write this post.
I certainly don't know how to go about doing it.
Details or no?

Okay, I'll just say how it has & sometimes still affects my life.

- I have only recently been able to have my throat touched without it throwing me into a full-blown-I-think-I'm-going-to-die panic attack.

- It's taken years & years of a really, really sweet, patient husband to undo the effects of a...how you say?....somewhat less than loving love life.

- I have finally stopped waiting for my "perfect" husband to display some of the horrible traits that my ex, by his actions and his words, assured me were to be expected of men. Boys will be boys type stuff, you know?

- I have finally stopped holding Matt responsible for the junk of "previous cats". That sentence probably made no sense. We don't have any cats, nor will we ever. I was quoting a song. What I mean is... well, here's an example:
let's say that I've got a nice dinner on the table at 6. Matt knows this. Yet, it is 6:08 and he isn't home. The first thought in my head is "oh my gosh he is so freaking rude! I can't believe he doesn't care about all the work I've done around here today. There is nothing worse than eating a cold dinner! He knows I hate that! What in the heck could have been so important that he isn't here? He said he'd be here!"

Whoa! Chill out. Because guess what? He stopped to buy some nice flowers for the table. Now don't you feel like a turd? Why yes. Yes I do. But that's how it goes, I get all defensive and apparently my defense is anger. wheee! What fun it must be to be married to me!

Anyway, I finally don't do that (as much) anymore.

So, yes, Jared treated me like poo. Made my life Hell. This is true. But guess what?

I let him. Well, for a while at least. Then I kicked him out & warshed my hands of him.
Bless his heart.

Day 7

2011-01-12T16:43:00.000-07:00

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Life is worth living on it's own, but it wouldn't be near as fun without these little smudges.

For the record, this is kind of a lame question. Who isn't going to say their kids, their husband or the Savior?
You got a different answer?

- Posted from my iPhone

Day 6

2011-01-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

something you hope you never have to do in this life

duh, be a reality tv contestant.

no, just kidding. Bury a child. But that's a little too somber a thought on it's own. Could you imagine me on a tv show? HA! I would want to be the bachelorette for sure.

- Posted from my iPhone

Day 5

2011-01-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

something you hope to do in your life

One day I want to go to a girls only surf camp for ten days in Costa Rica with a big group of girlfriends.
You know those ones they always act like you have time & money for in magazines & movies?
I want to do that SO BAD.
Who will join me?

- Posted from my iPhone

Day 4

2011-01-09T11:37:00.003-07:00

something you have to forgive someone else for

this is going to sound so incredibly petty. i'm rarely embarrassed and kind of an open book (obviously) but i'm really hesitant to post this because it's so stinking materialistic & immature. but it's 30 days of truth & this is the first thing that came to my mind, so i think that is an indication that it is the truth so (deep breath) here we go-

when matt & i were getting married i was really picky about the invitations for some reason. i ordered them on this really nice thick creamy yummy classy heavy weight paper. the font was entirely yummy. i had slaved over how to word everything properly. i had serious insecurities about being the "used goods" divorcee marrying the beautiful perfect amazing Matt Davis. another thing that made my insecurities worse was the fact that we weren't able to get sealed in the temple right away because of my previous sealing to my ex husband. also Matt & I come from shall we say.... different financial backgrounds. because i was all insecure, it mattered to me that this wedding not be tainted at all by the fact that i had been married before. i didn't want to feel like i had to do it smaller or change it in anyway, because after all, it was Matt's first wedding!

unbeknownst (what a stupid word) to me, my mom (dear sweet woman) had taken a regular black pen & written (in her lovely, perfect script) "no gifts, please" at the bottom of all of the invitations that were going to people who had been invited to my wedding to Jared.

i think mostly it hurt my pride & the illusion that i was trying to create that this was just like any regular "first" wedding.

i was so mad.

like super mad.

and now, 8 years later, i can say that i know that logically, etiquette-lly she was right to want to add that little addendum, but i cannot think about it and still not get a little steamed. i guess i just wish she had talked to me about it. i think it would have been better to have had it printed on at the printer. but even that probably would have been a stretch for me, because that would be like admitting that i had been through all this before & that i already posessed a few housekeeping items. i don't know.

i don't think i'm really mad at her anymore, it's not like it affects our relationship, and i don't ever think about it, but when i do, i get super annoyed still.

isn't that stupid?

let's take a vote

2011-01-09T11:34:00.002-07:00

please take a second to click over from your reader & look at my header. on my computer it looks fine, but on others it gets cut off on the right side, thus cutting abram's delicious face out. that of course is not okay. can you see the boy's yummy profile? give me a yes or no in the comments please. (and then if you know how to fix it, you could let me know that too.)

oh and by the way

2011-01-09T11:29:00.002-07:00

this is just what i needed to hear lately. sarah is awesome & if you haven't already, you should add her to the blogs you read. and then spend an entire Sunday afternoon reading all her previous posts because nearly every other one is a gem that will help you prioritize your life better. sometimes i think that i must (stupidly mistakenly) think that only utah mormon moms really get what is important, because i'm always shocked to see it out there in the "real world" obviously, i could not be wronger.

Day 3

2011-01-08T09:16:00.001-07:00

Name something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is an easy one. I need to forgive myself for ever going on a second date with my ex-husband. The first date was a preview of things to come & I've got no one to blame but myself for how out of hand I let it get by just going on that second date.
He smoked.
He took me to an R rated movie.
He talked to his friend more than me.
He talked like a sailor.
But then he bought me a popsicle....
I had just had my tonsils out & I thought it was rather thoughtful. But really, how completely stupid do you have to be?
I've pretty much gotten over the rest of crap that went on during the messed up relationship that ensued, but I can't stop kicking myself for allowing there to even be a relationship at all. I should have nipped it in the bud, cut 'em off at the pass, insert clever phrase here.

It should have been a non-issue.

My bad.

- Posted from my iPhone

Day 2

2011-01-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

Something you love about yourself.

Believe it or not, I have come up with a lot of options for this one, but I have narrowed it down to the one that I think is the most important. The one that affects all the others and pretty much everything I do. I don't know that I can claim much credit for it, it's just kind of always been there, probably thanks in part to my parents & the way I was raised.

I love that I have always known that I have a Heavenly Father who is mindful of me & loves me. I know that I matter.

I can't imagine going through some of the things that I have without this assurance. Matt & I have been talking today about how to deal with hard times & challenges by keeping proper perspective. It is very easy for me to make sense of an unfair world by falling back on this knowledge. I believe that God allows us to go through very difficult things in this life because He wants us to turn to Him. In our joys & failures. Drawing closer to my Father in Heaven is the only way that I know to give meaning to the unfair, awful, impossible things that happen in this life. I know He is there even when He doesn't swoop in & save me or answer all my prayers just how I think He should.
Especially then.
I'm so grateful for this. I love this about me.

Das es dine list

2011-01-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

Laura was kind enough to post the 30 days of truth list, so if you want to play along, here's what you're getting yourself into.

(by the by, I'm not around a computer this weekend, and I can't figure out how to add a link on my phone, but Laura's blog, in case you haven't heard me rave about her enough, is at thelolaletters.com)

Want to play along?
Here is the list.
If you decide to do this on your blog,
I'd love to come visit.
Leave a link in the comments sections so we can follow along!

Day 1: Something you dislike about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like {poo}.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Join us. It'll be fun.

- Posted from my iPhone

30 days of truth

2011-01-07T01:10:00.001-07:00

So in keeping with my desire to not have anything to do with blogs that only show sunshine & rainbows & puppies who don't poop, I like the idea of stealing an idea from my good buddy Laura & whoever she stole it from. The idea is this: 30 days of truth. Everyday I will share a truth, pretty or not. Feel free to play along either in the comments or on your own blog.

Today's is "share something you don't like about yourself."

Well I think I did a fine job of that a few posts ago. But guess what? There's more!
(wow, is this ever not conducive to my "be nice to me" resolution!)

I don't love that I'm SUPER worried about inconveniencing other people. Strangers particularly. I worry about taking up too much space. I worry about my kids being too loud. I worry about asking for help. I worry about chewing my gum too loud. Or talking too loud. Or walking too loud. Or being late. There's got to be a happy medium between being inconsiderate and being (or attempting to be) invisible.

An example? Sure, I've got one fresh in my mind. Just flew into Vegas. With an 8 month old. Its pretty inevitable that there will be a bit of crying, right? Well Abram was awesome, but for a few minutes at the last he was just tired & done & he cried. For like 30 seconds. Matt was wanting to try & help him calm down & I kind of flipped out.

Must. Make. Baby. Shut. Up.

I happen to have on my person the only "binkie" that he will take, so I was all snarky with Matt until he gave him to me.
Tell me, is that normal? To be paranoid that I might be inconveniencing complete strangers? Paranoid to the point of nearly ripping my son out of my sweet husband's arms who was trying so hard to let me relax? Let me know.

What's yours? Let me know that too.

Let's increase the "realness" in the blogging world.

- Posted from my iPhone

YAPPY HUE NEAR!!!

2011-01-02T22:54:00.003-07:00

is it just me, or is new year's eve totally over-rated? sometimes i think that if i was a drinker person, maybe it would be a thrill-a-minute, but then i remember that drinking has zero appeal to me what so ever. like not even a little bit. never has. so i guess i just need to enjoy the quiet little friend & family gatherings that make up the new year's eves of my life.
this year we spent the night with our good friends, the Williams' and Cella's. we had a feast of Chinese food, egg nog cheesecake & cupcakes from the cocoa bean. the adults snuck into rick & annetta's bedroom to watch the other guys (funny buddy cop movie) while the kids played the wii, tormented the dogs and devoured the better part of a costco sized barrel of cheeto balls.
a good time was had by all.
until about 11:05 when Abram woke up & let us know that he was completely over not being in his own bed. buddy had had it up to here.
so we went home & were all in bed before the ball dropped.
and i am fine with it.

last year matt & i each set some goals & they have been up on the fridge for the entirety of 2010.
i feel pretty good about my performance resolution-wise. here they are:
- have a healthy baby.... check! (ten bonus points for the fact that he is remarkably amazing and entirely too yummy)
- be a better mom (patience) .... obviously this is always a work in progress, but i think i consistently progressed throughout the year
- more consistent scriptures & prayers.... um, did pretty good there while i was preggers, but since giving birth to Abram, it's kinda gone in the toilet.
- keep my car clean... i do try. i empty the garbage areas quite frequently... it's on my radar.
- plant & take care of a good garden.... this one may not have been entirely fair for me to expect of myself. i had a baby in May for goodness sakes. but it grew & we got some stuff out of it.
- back down to driver's license weight by end of year.... well the last time i stood on a scale, i was 2.5 pounds above this goal, so i say that's alright. (keep in mind that this was before this weekend's cupcake debacle)
- no more lunches out.... there was a time there for a while that sawyer & i were doing lunch quite a bit. no more. easier on our budget & my girlish figure. and my daughter's sense of entitlement.

not too shabby
but what great things will 2011 teach me?
like i mentioned earlier, i hope to quit comparing my(worst)self to others (best) quite so much.
and while we are on the subject, that last post, you know, the one about how i don't do a very good job of focusing on my strengths.... yeah i hope that no one took that like i was fishing for compliments. it was soooo not that. i almost wish i had disabled comments on it because, although it always nice to hear people say that they think you are super swell, it was not what i was getting at. i just really want to start being a bit kinder to myself.
so for 2011, let's do that!
resolution #1- be kind to me
resolution #2- scriptures & prayers
resolution #3- assume the best of others

i think i'm going to keep it simple this year. those 3 kind of cover everything though, don't they?
what are you going to work on in 2011?

i'm kinda screaming inside

2010-12-29T22:42:00.001-07:00

from excitement that is.

my husband is freaking amazing.

- Posted from my iPhone

it feels like i'm in high school again (and it's my fault)

2010-12-27T14:41:00.006-07:00

i just unsubscribed from a whole ton of blogs that i had in my google reader. it feels ever so good. lately i have found myself feeling completely un-okay. like i will never be good enough, crafty enough, pretty enough, thin enough, well dressed, or organized, well-read or eloquent. i spend way too much time reading all these blogs, written by a bunch of different people who all have different skill sets, and then i combine all their skills into a single super-person that i hold myself up to for comparasion. obviously i come up short every time.
i am sick to death of it.
i don't knit.
i don't decorate my home flawlessly.
i don't clean my home flawlessly.
i don't clip coupons.
i don't upcycle the trash into darling craft projects for my kids.
i don't have much of a sense of style.
i don't plan parties.
i don't do my daughter's hair very well.
i don't have 2000 hits per day on my blog.
i don't write very well.
i don't make people laugh easily.
i don't inspire people.
i don't have very many original ideas.

i could make this list very, very long
but i won't, it's not very fun.

to sum this up, i'm not that girl. half the time i feel like i'm just treading water. some days i just write down things on my to do list after i've done them, just to make myself feel like i've actually accomplished something. it ususally goes like this:
get up. check
keep kids alive. check
feed kids. check
keep house from burning down. check
think about doing dishes. check
play on facebook. check
play bookworm. check
think about taking a shower. check

but guess what? i am really good at a few things too.
i am the girl who works out (hard) 5 days a week. (usually) and loves it.
i am the girl who has created a home & family that makes my kids feel secure & loved.
i am the girl who does her darndest to be a good primary president & make sure those sweet kids know that their Heavenly Father loves them.
i am the girl who has a great relationship with her husband because we work at it.
i am the girl who folds clothes like a champ.
i am the girl who is a really good friend to a few people. not too many. quality over quantity.
i am the girl who feels like a competent cook and a phenomenal baker.
i am the girl who is learning to keep a garden (to the complete shock of her father)
i am the girl who is learning to ask for help & delegate.
i am the girl who doesn't hold a grudge. (and not just because my memory sucks)
i am the girl who is quick to apologize to her kids & admit that she was way out of line.
i am a girl who keeps trying.

i guess my new year's resolution is to quit comparing myself to others.
but do you want to know what i'm keeping in my blogroll? (besides my friends & family blogs?)

among them are:
housewife on fire
the lola letters
sofia's primary ideas
rabidrunner
bird on the lawn
catch a fire
nienie
clover lane
our best bites
single dad laughing
color me katie

p.s. i don't understand why these links aren't working. i've tried fixing it like seven times. i'm sure you can figure it out.
these ones make me smile. they help me do the important, essential things better. it's time to cut out the crap, celeste. and it feels good.

I love me a good impulse buy

2010-12-23T10:34:00.006-07:00

so, a few months ago I woke up & started my daily ritual of laying in bed reading scriptures, checking email & stalking blogs (not necessarily in that order. although that's what I aim for). when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a screaming deal on a silhouette digital cutter machine thing-a-gigger. I never knew they existed before this day, nor did I think I needed something like that prior, but it just looked too cool to pass up, and I had a bunch of cake money just sitting in my bank account. so i bought it. before i even got out of bed that day I had spent over $200. not too shabby.

and i have zero buyer's remorse. the thing is fully awwwesome (you have to say this like Rhino on Bolt).

last night i cut out a bunch of cute little cards to go with our neighbor gifts, little chubs of raw cookie dough for people to bake once the holiday junk food rush has subsided. they turned out so cute! I did four to a page, and how cool was it that instead of cutting them all out, I just had the silhouette perforate them so that I could just tear them apart?

Answer- super freaking cool.it's a bad picture, but I like how they turned out. another thing I did last night at 1 am was make a little vinyl reminder of my new dietary guidelines. I read this in a Women's Health article. It was all technical and scientific & written by a bunch of fancy nutritionists, but the last sentence was what I'm taking from it. This guy said "I think the best nutritional advice I've ever given was just seven words: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly Plants." I love it, so that's what went up on my wall. It's kinda cheeky and the vinyl is slightly crooked, but whatever.

The next thing I want to do with it is something with this cute saying from this darling cake plate I saw a Hip & Humble yesterday. (I swear you could not go into that store & spit without hitting something I want.)

anyway, it's been fun having a new toy. I need to try cutting out fabric with it. If it works, making those cute little applique onsies will become ridiculously easy.

oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree

2010-12-23T00:58:00.004-07:00

once upon a time I swore I would never have a fake tree. then came the pine needles and my anal retentive need to wrap the lights around each. and. every. limb. a prelit tree is much more betterer for my brain. so now I just buy the evergreen room spray from bath & body works, and everything is awesome. I love our tree. the other night Abram was gazing ever so lovingly at it, and I thought I’d try my hand at the impossibility of getting a decent picture of the tree & the boy. I am horrible at using my amazing Nikon’s manual settings, despite the fact that I have taken 3 photography classes & am great friends with some great photographers. Technically I understand the concept of f-stop, aperture, shutter speed & all that, but in real life I lack the ability to actually use that knowledge. Anyway, I love how these turned out, because at the shutter speed that I had to have it set at to get the glowy tree look, there was no way Abram was not going to turn out fuzzy, the dude does not hold still. it was very fitting for how his life has been so far. with sawyer I was constantly reading up on the next step in her development & anxiously waiting for her to achieve it. she couldn’t grow fast enough for me.

lame.

with abes I’m kind of freaking out over how quickly he is growing. He seems dead set on turning into a big gigantic man-person by the time he’s two. it’s like the Clifford the Big Red Dog book, the one where Emily Elizabeth first gets Clifford… each morning when he wakes up they are all shocked by how much he’s grown over night. that’s me every morning.

FAIL

2010-12-16T21:23:00.005-07:00

since like August I've been scheming to redo Sawyer's bathroom. It was quite blah before, but now, after months of procrastinating & half-a**ing, it's a complete nightmare! I am so annoyed. I was trying to copy the marvelous girl's bathroom at House of Smiths, since our bathrooms are exactly the same I thought it would be a walk in the park. I forgot to factor in the fact that Cason & Shelley have clearly done a fair bit more DIYing that Matt & I. What a big freaking joke. Although I am a fan of the framed mirror. See their tutorial here. It was super easy, besides the 45 degree cuts, I did it all myself. Please forgive the disgusting state of the bathroom. I'd say it's not usually like this, but it is.
k, then I tried to do this, and ended up with this: My wrists still hurt from holding the trim up while the liquid nails dried. I was planning to make a cute design on my Silhouette machine to put inside those little rectangles, but is it even worth the trouble? I'm not a fan of the "botany beige" that I used because it's what I had gallons upon gallons of. The green really pops next to white. Beige... not so much. But I don't want to repaint everything.
It turns out that the wall in question is kinda bowed. Gooooo Ivory Homes! And then my dear sweet husband came along & tried to help & we got stuck with this: Bless his heart, but I surely didn't marry him for his mad handyman skills. Anyway, I'm frustrated. That crack was the last straw for me & now I'm not sure how to proceed. I just kinda cleaned it up & put away the caulk & putty & paint. I had made these darling ruffled towels, but it turns out that the towels I bought suck & every time I dry my hands on them my wedding ring pulls a six inch snag out of the towel. lovely. See? But the ruffles are cute, right? The only thing about the bathroom that I'm actually liking is the darling super soft bathrobe I made for Sawyer. Yes I made it. I am a sewer....I mean seamstress.
Basically I wish that some masked man would come in & take it all out & put up this wallpaper & these hooks (how darling would it be to put in a pic of Sawyer & one of Abes? maybe just their bums....hehehe) & this cabinet & countertop. (for the mere price of $1900 it can be yours! Gee, thanks Pottery Barn!) ok. well I'm sick of talking about this.
But seriously, what should I do? Is it as bad as I think it is? Anyone know a good dude who would love to come & mock me to scorn as he fixes up the crap I've done?

scott

2010-11-28T23:09:00.003-07:00

okay, so i've been gone. gone to california and busy with my brother in law's funeral. yup. last friday afternoon, november 19th, matt's big brother had an accident while packing up some guns to take on a scouting trip. we are all still befuddled and shocked and very very sad. scott was a kind, generous, Christ-like man that sadly i wish i had known better. he left behind a wonderful wife and 3 lovely children. (read his obituary here ) seeing kim's grace in the last week has been completely overwhelming. she comforts people. she forgives people. she makes it easy for people to awkwardly attempt to comfort & serve her. grace i tell ya. that's the only word for the amazing way she is handling this. it is a gift to witness. i'm so impressed with matt's family, they just circle the wagons & support & serve & love each other with a pure compassion that i've not had the opportunity to observe before. i am so blessed to have a) escaped certain tragedy in my previous marriage and b) these wonderful people, amazing souls that they each are as my family. oh and my husband. he's not too bad either. he's grown into a whole new level of man in the last 10 days; and he was awesome before. i'm so proud to know him, let alone be married to him. he is a gift.
scott's funeral was remarkable. a celebration of a life well lived. there was as much laughter as there were tears. their stake president may have called my mother-in-law "king of the crazies". from the podium. it was for sure a highlight. of my life.
i really meant to continue with the gratidude thing for the whole month, but just haven't been feeling it. not not feeling gratitude, not feeling blogging. i've been overwhelmed by gratitude, but it's more the kind that i write in my real journal, not trite little entries on a fluffy little blog. speaking of journals, i've been reading my grandma Attella's. my dad's mom. i never knew any of my grandparents, really, and it's been awesome to get a feel for the woman who raised my dad. quite a woman, that one.
i need to post about sawyer's birthday, our cali trip, thomas' mission call, thanksgiving, abes' newest accomplishments & decorating for Christmas. it might be a minute before i get around to it. or i may never. blogging isn't really high on my priority list at the moment.
time for bed.

November 9th

2010-11-10T00:37:00.001-07:00

Today was Sawyer's 5th birthday and we were too busy partying it up and now I'm too tired to do the kind of post that my gigantic gratitude for her deserves, so I'll just leave it at that and do a bonus post tomorrow. But I think I know what my gratitude post will be about tomorrow, and it might have something to do with this:

Oh no! Now I've gone & spoiled the surprise! See ya, suckers!

- Posted from my iPhone

November 8th

2010-11-08T23:09:00.002-07:00

tonight I'm grateful for clean sheets, freshly shaved legs & a hot bath.
oh! and bleach! I'm in love with the way my sheets smell after they've been washed with the good stuff.

November 7th

2010-11-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

My one & only brother turned 33 (I think) today. Sometimes I think we were actually meant to be twins because I have a rather strong, sometimes irrational sibling love for him. We haven't been able to spend much time together during this particular stage in our lives, and bless our hearts, we both kinda suck at staying in touch by phone, but I hope he knows that I adore him & would do anything for him. After I got divorced I really relied on him to help me figure out what was next for me. We hung out a fair bit together at that time & I have great memories of talks we had. There was one odd birthday, I think I was 22, I had just broken up with a guy & was feeling like a loser, my awesome roommate Liz pulled a few of our friends together kinda last minute to take me out to dinner (cuz I had planned on boyfriend taking me out...) and Doug came along. So it was me, Liz, Lindy, some guy Liz was dating at the time, my old high school boyfriend whom I had recently re-friended and Doug. I remember looking around our strange little group & thinking that each of these people have come into my life for a reason ('cept maybe Liz's date, I can't even remember his name) and I'm so grateful for the role they've played. I don't really talk to any of the others anymore, but my big brother has always, and I'd venture to say, will always be there for me. He is such a great example of loyalty, patience, kindness & humility. I love love LOVE his laugh! It is seriously awesome. He is an amazing husband too. I guess that's what you get when you are raised with six sisters, each nuttier than the next, you kinda come to understand these hormonal weirdos known as women. Shannon is a lucky gal. (and he's pretty lucky to have her, too).
I love you Doug!
Happy Birthday!

- Posted from my iPhone

November 6th

2010-11-06T13:57:00.000-06:00

Today is Abram's 1/2 birthday so I think it's fitting that he be the subject of my adoration today. Well, he's that everyday, but, you know.

We kinda had to work to get this kid here. Two miscarriages in a row along with lengthy periods of "trying" in between was not what I was expecting. The thing that sucks is that an estimated 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I wish someone had told me that earlier. I could have avoided a shiload of thinking it was my fault. Anyway, he was totally worth every minute.

I firmly believe that the importance of the timing of his coming into our family is going to one day become evident & it will be awesome. He's such a strong little guy in so many ways. I'm so glad I was able to deliver him the way I did & the marvelous experience Matt & I had together.

Abram belongs with us beyond a shadow of a doubt. I love the way he is super alert & aware of everyone around him. I love how I could set a clock by his sweet little self. Right now he's up for two hours, nap for two hours, up for two hours, nap for two hours. By 8pm he's begging to be put to bed. Buddy likes his sleep. And his bath. And his sister.

Oh boy, does he like his sister. He absolutely lights up when he sees her. He turns immediately toward her voice. He giggles like a maniac at everything she does. He loves to play airplane, to suck his thumb through a sheet of my hair, his little monkey lovey and his little duplo farm.

This dude is predictable & easy to please. I lovelovelove how he goes to sleep. If I catch him at just the right time I'll lay him down, hand him his monkey & he just tucks it under his arm, rolls toward the wall & sticks his thumb in his mouth. "Peace out, Mom."

The dude is awesome. I'm super pumped to see his life unfold. I'm super grateful to be his momma.
- Posted from my iPhone

I'm thinking about doing THIS

2010-11-06T13:15:00.000-06:00

to my hair. Gorge, right? Think I could pull it off?
I'm taking color, but obviously that style is amazing too.

- Posted from my iPhone

November 5th

2010-11-05T10:09:00.001-06:00

whatever the generic of Wellbutrin XL is. That. I'm thankful for that. I think I used exercise as my antidepressant for a looooong time, it wasn't until after Sawyer was born & I was left with icky postpartum ickiness that I decided to supplement with a low dose of a lil somfin-somfin. Prozac worked but left me a cold-hearted, joyless, unaffectionate wench, so we messed around until we found what worked best.
This last week though, I accidentally let my prescription lapse. I just couldn't get in to pick the dang thing up, which is weird cuz I'm usually at Target at least every 36 hours, if not more frequently. At first I was thinking, "huh, maybe I can lay off the sauce, I'm doing ok". Not so much. $4 a month is totally worth it to not have self-defeating obsessive thoughts, to not want to lock my children in the bathroom, and to not randomly have fantasies of getting in a car accident and seeing my own brains splattered across the asphalt. I'd say that's the bargain of the decade, actually. One of my sisters manages great with an herbal supplement cocktail she has come up with, but for now I'm cool with, and extremely grateful for, popping a pill before bed every night.

GOOOOO SCIENCE!!! (double pump finger shake)

- Posted from my iPhone

November 4th

2010-11-04T23:44:00.001-06:00

for fall leaves (and benedryl)

I consider myself more of a summer girl, but I cannot get over how beautiful it is around here this time of year! Today I met my sisters-in-law & Susie for lunch at a park & it was a gorgeous day. Beyond gorgeous Glorious.

Sawyer & Henry

had a lovely time piling up leaves to jump in,

making "leaf-angels",

trying to catch them as they fell,

and having icky allergic reactions to them.

And then we ditched this guy

(who is rather fond of his tractor) with his daddy while the girlies went to see So You Think You Can Dance!

Even this awkwardly smiling gal!

She loved every minute! But mental note to me: floor seats at an event like this are NOT where it's at.
Such a fun day!

- Posted from my iPhone

November 3rd

2010-11-03T21:44:00.001-06:00

Once upon a time I (well we really) had the single greatest dog known to man. I'm still in love with her. I could be a fantastic actress because I can force a for real cry just by thinking about not having her anymore. I'm just grateful that we ever got to have her at all, but you can be sure that God & I are gonna have a sit-down about this BS known as allergies. Really? What is the point?
I think we have about six framed portraits of Charlie up on our walls thanks in part to the amazing Mrs Ashley Thalman.
We were so lucky to be the recipients of bruised shins from her freakishly muscular tail-wags; super blessed to have been able to sweep up insane amounts of hair on a daily basis. Things I once cursed I now find myself missing like mad. And I don't even want to think about Abes trying to learn to feed himself without her to clean my floors for me. (groan)
Sorry to mention her yet again, but no one reads this anyway, so so there!

- Posted from my iPhone

November 2nd

2010-11-02T17:08:00.001-06:00

for a husband who always thinks of others first. Any others. Our family. His siblings & mom. My parents. His nieces & nephews. My siblings. Their kids. His friends & their families. People he works with. Our ward & neighborhood friends.... then maybe himself. Maybe.
Sometimes I get really mad because a lot (a LA-HA-HA-HAHOT) of the time people (myself included) don't fully appreciate and/or reciprocate. This guy would give you the shirt off his back & then carry you home.
There has never been a time that I have not been proud to be his wife, but there have been many times that I've wondered how I got so lucky or what I did to deserve him. Actually that's what I spend the better part of my day doing; wondering why he puts up with me.
Matt is also super, freakishly creative. His brother just had a baby, (well, Stacey was really the one doing the work...) and I wanted to make them some cute onesies, but couldn't think of what to make. Within ten minutes Matt had about six designs, this'n is my favorite.

And here is Mr. Sullivan Monroe Davis modeling the rocketship.

He also got a guitar

& an "I heart bluegrass" shirt.

So, do you see what I mean about the creativity? It's crazy. He's so much fun to be married to. Just for the FHEs alone...
Also he's hot.
I am a lucky gal indeed.

But about those onesies....you think anyone'd buy them if I set up an etsy shop or got them in some boutiques? What pricepoint would be good? What designs would you like fer yer kiddos?

- Posted from my iPhone

November gratitude

2010-11-01T23:08:00.001-06:00

November 1st

That I don't have to wash my laundry by hand.

("plunge and scrub. Plunge and scrub." Name the movie.)

- Posted from my iPhone

i'm sorry, but, really?

2010-11-01T17:42:00.001-06:00

How is it possible that Abram is this fetching cute?

Seriously?

He is entirely too edible.

I've got to do a proper Halloween post, but I cannot stop looking at his gorgeous face.
It's normal to want to swallow your children whole, right?

- Posted from my iPhone

niiiice

2010-10-24T11:48:00.001-06:00

Sawyer is coloring in a coloring book during sacrament meeting. I looked over & noticed that Matt had added a few captions. I'm guessing he did it during one of our hypnobirthing classes.

If you can't read it, Smee is saying "cmon doc, induce that ho!". The big guy is saying "here comes your epidural Wendy", and the rather menacing guy with his hand over her mouth is saying "hold still! Western medicine will prevail!"
I love him.
- Posted from my iPhone

bwahhahaha!

2010-10-15T22:50:00.002-06:00

I'm not incredibly into holiday decorating. Every holiday I look at blogs, darling darling blogs with their darling darling homegrown or thrifted or vintage but always copious decorations and for a few minutes I get all jealous & want to get my hiney to the nearest Target/DI/Taipan and go nuts. But then I think the one thought that brings me to my senses...."where in the heck do these people store all this crap 99% of the year?" I'm not a fan of storing crap. The artificial Christmas tree taking up half my overhead garage storage about puts me over the edge. But I do like an appropriate wreath for each season. I have a fall-ish one that I creep out for Halloween and then decreepify for thanksgiving, but this year my new across the street neighbor busted out the exact same wreath!!! The audacity!! So when I saw this idea I knew I had to snake it. I'm kinda stoked on how it turned out. And that it cost me a whopping $3 to make.

I already had the glittery trick or treat sign, I got that a few years ago post Halloween at Hip & Humble for like a buck or something stupid. The spiderweb stuff I already had, as well as the little plastic spiders. The straw wreath base was $3.99 at Hobby Lobby, then 50% off today, and the black tulle was a dollar. I wrapped an old copy of Happy Gilmore on VHS around the straw wreath, tied some tulle around part of it, strung the web across it & threw on the spiders. Done.

Oh. And Sawyer made this'n.

Cute, huh?

I am a lucky gal

2010-10-12T21:17:00.000-06:00

I love the way Matt reads bedtime stories to Sawyer. Depending on the story, he picks an appropriate accent, Russian, Swedish, Aussie, British, Irish.... I love it! I think the Russian is my favorite.

- Posted from my iPhone

what has two thumbs & is what I'm grateful for today?

2010-10-10T00:30:00.000-06:00

This guy right here!

Our newest nephew & soon to be the best friend/cousin of this guy right here

Now if we could just get the poor little dude off his IV & oxygen & come safely home so we can meet him.
We love you Sully!

- Posted from my iPhone

i was grateful yesterday for....

2010-10-09T19:01:00.003-06:00

...my friend annetta.

everyone should have a friend like her. she's phenomenal. if i could choose my sisters, the very next person I would choose, after my actual sisters, would be her. I honestly think we were led to live in Layton so that we could meet her & her family.

Last week we found out Sawyer had broncitis, and so when Abes started wheezing & coughing I kinda freaked out. made a doctor appointment for him & spent the next few hours feeling like a crappy excuse for a mom. I've got 3, maybe 4 people on this planet that I'm responsible for & when half of them are sick, isn't that an indicator that I suck? that's what it felt like.
so when amazing annetta came by to pick up Sawyer for preschool (she does this three days a week so that I don't have to get Abram up, load him in the car, truck him in to the school while I walk Sawyer in... she's a lifesaver.) I mentioned that I'd be going to the doctor & was sure I'd be done in time to pick the kids up, the appointment was a whole hour & a half before I'd have to pick them up....
annetta said "nope, you won't. I'll pick up & take Sawyer to my house until you're done". See, she's a mom of 7... or sometimes 10, so she knows these things. And sure enough I wasn't done in time. not at all. we waited for an hour & ten minutes before the doctor showed his face for roughly three and half minutes. that's how long it took to figure out that abram had double ear infections. moms? is there anything worse than having a sick kid? i cannot imagine how awful it would be to have a kid in the hospital for an extended period of time. (shudder)

I feel like this is not making any sense at all

to summarize-
i felt like crap
i love annetta
i hate that i feel like crap for a mom sometimes
i hate that my yummy kids are sick
when i grow up i want to be like annetta. somehow she manages to be both the most spiritual person AND the most funny & down-to-earth person i've ever known. everytime i get to spend time with her i feel like i'm getting away with something, she's got so many people who love & need her that to even have lunch with her seems like such a blessing.

i'm so thankful to have supportive awesome people in my life.

tonights gratitude post is brought to you by sleep

2010-10-07T23:33:00.000-06:00

and now I'ma go get some.

g'night.
(and here's a picture, Abram having a laundry basket bath because he's pretty much too big for his baby tub, but seems to have no interest in sitting by himself. Just because it's cute.)

- Posted from my iPhone

Mosiah is my favorite

2010-10-06T23:05:00.001-06:00

Tonight I'm grateful for King Benjamin. Besides third Nephi chapter eleven, his address is my very, very most favoritest part of the Book of Mormon.

(I hope you can read that, it wouldn't let me copy & paste, but I can highlight & screen capture!)
If that's not the most humbling/encouraging thing ever, I don't know what is. I can almost hear him say it, and I love him for his logic & down-to-earthiness. Go re-read Mosiah, it's good stuff.

- Posted from my iPhone