1st REAL Hair Cut

The Before

The After

Sawyer's hair has been really scraggly lately, so today after we went to the little birthday party/playdate my high school friends threw for me & Jill, we went to Great Clips or something like that. She was really, really good and the stylist was really cute with her.

At long last.... Alaska

There are waaaay too many pictures to choose from, we took 887. Literally. I wish blogger would come up with an easier way to upload photos. How do I do those slideshow things with captions? Anyway, here is a visual summary of our lovely Alaskan Cruise. (thanks Susie, you rock!)When the trip starts out with Ryan letting Matt draw a pencil mustache on him ... with a Sharpie, you know it's gonna be good.
The group, minus Scott & Kim.
Raspberries at Pike's Place Market. Always unbelievable.
This guy's hair. Also unbelievable. What's funny is that Matt & I both took pictures of this guy for each other at separate times.
I love this picture. Stacey is cute as a button, Ryan is insane and Susie is trying not to laugh. Pretty typical.
Seriously, how hot is my husband? I love his hat, no idea where he got it, but it's soo cute!
Ryan doing candle shots. At. every. single. dinner.
This is my best picture of a whale. I really wanted to see one do a full breach, but it just wasn't happening.
It almost looks tropical doesn't it? Well, minus the huge amount of pine trees. We were really lucky and had awesome weather 90% of the time. I think the most impressive thing about Alaska was the sheer immensity of it. There we are, surrounded by huge mountains and just vast amounts of space, and then you look at a map of where we were going and it's like 2% of the land mass of Alaska. It was unbelievable.
We took a helicopter excursion out over Taku & Norris glaciers. I stupidly expected them to be all pristine & stuff, but they are very dirty on the surface. I guess that's what happens when you push your way slowly across miles & miles of forest. Standing on the glacier though, I totally felt like I was on Mars or something; it's just totally alien. Very cool.We were so lucky that our helicopter ride just happened to be later in the day & we were able to see the sunset as we cruised around. It feels like you are a hummingbird, I loved it!In Skagway we took a train ride up the Yukon Pass, it was really my favorite thing we did for a few reasons: 1) it was crazy pretty, 2) I was able to read & read & read Breaking Dawn (LOVED it!) and 3) Ryan was on an absolute tear! You would not believe how funny this guy is. There were people 3 rows in front & in back of us just wiping tears from their eyes laughing so hard. I can't even remember what he was talking about, but for like a half hour he had everyone in our car in stitches. For the first little bit, they were trying to pretend that they weren't eavesdropping, but it was just too good. Love him!
Just look at that face. He is hilarious.
Matt looks like a movie star. Yes, he's doing something funny with his mouth, but dang, he's hot!
I think this is Mendenhall glacier, not sure. But Glacier Bay was amazing. Just so still & quiet & ancient. Actually it isn't ancient at all, it's constantly changing. Crazy.It was cold but not so cold that you couldn't come up on the deck drenched in sweat and not die. I am proud to say that I did work out every single day. (well except the Sundays of course.) That doesn't mean that I didn't not gain weight. Just not as much as I would have if I hadn't exercised.
And this is our black bear. I guess they're kind of pests in Ketchikan, like raccoons or something. I wish we could have gotten closer, I'm totally abusing my zoom here, but it turned out okay.

And here we are. I had so much fun with Matt on this cruise. It was nice to just have a break from the real world. I love that we can take time away from each other and not have to entertain each other constantly. He let me read & work out & go to the spa & sleep and I let him play insane amounts of cribbage with Ryan & Becky. Then we have even more fun when we are together. I am such a lucky girl. Greatest husband who came with the greatest in-laws. I am still afraid that someone upstairs is going to realize that there was an error in my favor that must be rectified.

Too many pies, not enough fingers

I promise, I'm trying to get my life organized so that I have time to blog about it and post all the fantastic pictures I took on my new fancy camera! But, I got trapped into hanging out with my sisters for a few days when I went up to pick up Sawyer.... totally unwillingly. ;) It was so fun to talk to Jozet, Mandy & Kristy, and to see Sawyer and how much her cousins and aunts & uncles love her! They are some special ladies those sisters of mine. I always leave them feeling a funny mix of inadequacy & inspiration.
While we were gone our fridge kinda crapped out on us. We were stuck with a bunch of smelly food and thought we would have to buy a whole new fridge, but the repairman just left and we are all set with a new compressor! Yeah for warrantees! And yeah for the To Do list burning a whole in my cranium. There just is not enough time in the day.... I want to finish so many projects. So instead I find myself just working on little bits of everything and not actually accomplishing ANYTHING!!!! :) For my birthday I want a clone. I think together we might be able to get something done around here. At the very least I could get a nap while she piddled around with her fingers in too many pies. I had a dream that my parents came home for exactly 12 minutes before they left on another mission. It was no good. But I do have lots of homegrown tomatoes, Dad. I think I'll post a picture of them to tempt you. These DO NOT taste like cardboard. I guess I just really miss those parents of mine lately.

p.s.

I guess that was kinda ambiguous, but my birthday is actually Friday. The comments on my last entry make feel incredibly loved, but you'll all have to wish me happy birthday again in a few days. Just got home from picking Sawyer up in Idaho, from my AMAZING sisters who smothered her with love while we were on our Alaskan cruise. Which was also amazing, but I will post about after I get some sleep.

HAPPY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

So Tuesday night I went up to girls camp at Bear Lake, and stayed until midnight Wednesday. A few of the girls up there had been getting this really quick, yet extremely crappy flu. It only lasted about 12 hours, but was pretty intense during that time. So, guess what I've been doing today? Yep, wanting to die. I could feel it coming on last night & so I started chugging Emergen-C, but to no avail. This morning was the worst, I literally was crawling around the house, trying to feed my daughter, because when I stood up, I felt like simultaneously throwing up and passing out. I had visions of myself passing out and hitting my head on something and laying there in my own blood & throw up with my poor daughter looking on, wishing I would get up and butter her waffles. Anyway, it was pretty miserable. But, I just had a bath & a lortab & things are looking up. It is amazing how much we take our health for granted, isn't it? Anyway, when Matt got home from work, he made my day in a few different ways:
1) just being Matt. I love him. He is wonderful.
2) doing the dishes.
3) feeding Sawyer, poor girl with the half dead mom.
4) playing with Sawyer, as opposed to plunking her down in front of the TV like her half dead mom did all day.
5) GIVING ME AN EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!!!!! THE NIKON D80!!!!!! I am so intimidated by this camera, I can't even tell you. It is amazing. I'm so excited to learn how to use it & take pictures in Alaska! I have all sorts of lenses I don't know what to do with and buttons that I have no idea what they do. I have no idea how to use this thing. But I'm SOOOOO excited to learn. Help me, 911 Jessica!!! I will post more about girls camp later; I'm trying to switch over from using my half-dead laptop to the Apple G5 that Susie gave us; just one more thing that I have no idea how to use. If anyone knows an easy way to transfer all my music, docs & pictures over from a PC to a Mac, let me know.

The cake that almost wasn't

This one will NOT be posted on my Tiers of Joy blog, but it was too funny to not post here. I have taken August off from cakes, with the intention of painting and decorating Sawyer's new "big-girl" room as well as a whole schload of other house projects and a few vacations. But our friends Natalie & Sid needed a quick little 2nd birthday cake for their adorable little Heather, so I decided to let one little tiny cake slide into August. The cake we decided to do was one that came out of a cookbook I have, the one that I stole my favorite buttercream recipe from, but they have two buttercream recipes; the good one and then one that I've never tried. But it did say that If you want to tint it with bright, true colors, then you should use the one with part shortening (yuk) instead of all butter, so I thought, heck, whatever, I'll try the colorful one. BAD IDEA!!! As I was putting the finishing touches on the decorating, I noticed that things were starting to go schlump a bit, so I kept putting it back into the fridge for a while in between working on it. However, on the drive there, with my car's delightful air conditioner cranked all the way to like 60 degrees, it just kept schlumping more and more until it ended up like this.It was a complete joke. I couldn't believe someone who actually has a fantastic cookbook, would include this recipe. Craziness. Needless to say I just went to Smith's & bought a crappy grocery store cake because the party was supposedly in a hour. Got to the house & no one is home. Called their cells & no one answers. Left the cake at a neighbors with a very apologetic note and an offer for a free cake if they would give me another shot. On my way home, Natalie called & said that their niece had decided on Wednesday that she was getting married on Saturday, so they had to run up to Tremonton for the wedding and were postponing the party until Sunday! So, yeah! And after much scraping and making of new, good buttercream, this is what we ended up with. I'm just so glad I tried out that recipe with my friend's cake instead of a bride's. And that, my friends, is why I always leave like a half day of leeway before I have to deliver any wedding cake. (and yes, this cake is supposed to be tilted, it's one of those mad-hatter cakes. These pictures don't really look like it though, they just look kind of wierd.)

the rant I've been holding in

Amen to this article. Please make it stop.

Good Times Had By All

sorry, the picture is out of focus. New camera, please. (my birthday is in 24 days)

A few weeks ago we went to see John Mayer with Kirsten & Dave. Kirsten's adorable cousin Brooke and her husband were a few rows behind us, which was fantastic. And so was John. Matt & I saw him last July at Red Rocks in Colorado, which was great, but we were very annoyed at the opening band, Ben Folds Five who liked one particular "F" word most of all. Colbie Callet was a much better choice as an opening act if for no other reason than she did not once use that particular word. But John was, is and will always be great. It is such a turn-on to me to see someone who is THAT good at what they do, doing what they do. Technically John Mayer is not an overly attractive man, but I am fascinated by his love life in the tabloids because it seems like every woman that he has ever been with is still in love with him on some level. He's very charismatic, I'll give him that. And pretty funny, but the problem is, he knows it, and was a bit arrogant about it. Just a bit.

oh, blessed blog fodder raining down on me like manna from heaven.

There was just no end to it this weekend. We went two hours north to Lava Hot Springs for my family reunion. Do you see where the problems arise already? We have two problems with that last sentence, don't we? One, any driving in a northern direction over an hour will put us in Idaho; and two, family reunion. So yeah, it was an.... let's just say....interesting weekend. My darling sister Kristy was wonderful enough to take time out from having nine, count 'em, NINE kids as well as being a 4.0 student at BYU Idaho, to plan our family reunion. It was really fun to see everyone and she did a great job picking the place & activities, but I made the mistake of thinking that given the option of camping or staying in a motel, my family would probably enjoy the motel more. Under normal circumstances, that would probably be true, and I hope I don't offend Kristy here, but this motel was the single most loathsome place that I have ever, EVER been, let alone slept in, in my entire life.

Let me interrupt myself here and remind you that I am a complete spoiled brat. The epitome of the "youngest" of the family and I was really not at my best this weekend, bratty-wise.

Bless my poor husband's heart for putting up with me. The Ranch Inn Motel & Campground is one of those places that doesn't have an Internet presence. For a reason. I have thought about making a website for them, one that would provide unsuspecting travelers with more information to make their Lava lodging decisions. I will have to preface this website with a warning that the following information does not apply to the campsites, which looked to be just fine, as far as camping goes. But the motel portion of the property was absolutely laughable. Which is what we did when we first pulled up and entered our room. It was the stuff of movies; just as disgusting and tasteless as a motel room can be. All of the "linens" were either saved from the 1970s or purchased at DI, and there was not a matching set to be had in the joint. (There were joints to be had in the joint, but that's a post for another day.)

I seriously regret that I didn't take detailed pictures of our rooms for examples because it was pretty unbelievable that someone would have the gall to charge people to stay in this ramshackle place. Literally everything that could have been was homemade or old as the hills and patched up. Our only shelving in the bathroom- made out of two by fours and screwed into the cinder block wall. The towel rack in the bathroom- two coat hooks with a cut off broomstick laid across them. My sister's room had a second room off the back, that was completely made of MDF and all the wiring was just tucked into the cracks between the ceiling and the wall. Oh, and all the window coverings were old towels just hung on curtain rods. Freaking rad. But they did have DishNetwork, so that's at least better than I would have expected by the looks of the place. That and VCRS, so we were all set.

But you know what? As fun as it is to bag on the motel, the weekend was really about getting together with my family and that part got an A+. The pools there are awesome, Sawyer had such a great time with her cousins, completely snubbing me in favor of Marianne, Shari, Lizzy, Rachel, or the ever-enteratining Robert & Spencer. I do regret letting myself get so bratty about the room that I didn't spend as much time enjoying my family as I should have. Pretty embarrassed about that part. I just got so anxious to get out of there that I wasn't really living in the moment. It was totally my fault and just shows me how much I have to work on. My sisters are all so stinking humble and kind and they just go with the flow and are so much less self-involved than I am, so I think sometimes when I'm with them it becomes glaringly apparent that I am the brat/baby/youngest. I'd like to break out of that role. In the meantime I'll enjoy the pleasures of the Marriott, thank you very much. At anyrate, here are some pics. It is scary to me how gorgeous this girl is going to be.
Sawyer enjoying her lolly outside our deluxe suite at the Ranch Inn Motel. (Note the sweet window air conditioning unit that not only made a racket, but also froze over and dripped all over the carpet.)
duh duh duh duh.
Sawyer preferred sleeping on Charlie's dog bed to the sketchy bed. She said the bed made her think of Ocean's 13 where the hotel reviewer checks the bed sheets for mites and..... um, other things. Oh, wait that was me.

I'm taggin myself, dangit!

This tag was on my sister-in-laws blog & I liked it, so even though she didn't tag me, (thanks for thinking of me, Schmath) I'm doing it. If that is some sort of blogging faux-pas, I apologize. And again, it's a long post. Sorry.

46 Different Questions Answered
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My middle name is my pseudo-aunt's, which I really like, because she is great. The first name refers to the celestial nature of my celestial nature.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Um.... the last few weeks have been kind of a hormonal deluge, but it has been a good week & a half, so I'm doing pretty good.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
When I focus on it, its pretty darn cool, but other than that it's a mess. It's my signature that I find most disturbing, actually.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Jenni-O Brown Sugar Turkey Breast that Albertson's has stopped carrying for some reason. booooo.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes, Charlie, our first-born is a gorgeous Great Dane Springer Spaniel mix and Sawyer, the heir to the throne is a sassy Amazonian 2 and a half year old princess.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yeah, but I'd probably think I was stuck up at first, because I struggle being friendly right off the bat.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Only when fighting with my husband and I know I'm wrong, but I just have to dig in and stick with it. Which is so super stupid it's not even funny.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No sirree bob.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Maybe on vacation. Don't ask me why that makes any difference.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Kashi or Honey Bunches of Oats. Or Reese's Puffs, but then the roof of my mouth hurts for like five days.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Yes, just ask my trainer. I kick butt.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
pretty much anything, but homemade usually is best, especially cinnamon blackberry.
14. WHAT DO YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
whether they look like nice people or not.
15. RED OR PINK?
Blue?
16.WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?
I need to stop making snap judgements about people based on dumb stuff. And being ornery to Matt & just expecting him to pick up the slack.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
The Gilmore Girls. Seriously.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Sure, if you mean to post their own on their blog, yes, I think it's fun to read.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Black pants and grey & fuchsia shoes (workout gear)
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
a very delicious peach.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
My bathwater running.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
If you were a dumb question that says absolutely nothing about your personality, what question would you be? Oh, that's right, this one.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Matt's lingering cologne in the morning after he goes to work, cilantro, pink baby lotion, lilacs and stargazer lilies.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Lindsay Wilding, about young women's tonight.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yes, but she didn't technically send it to me, I stole it. I do wish I knew her better though.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Golf is the least intrusive & most peaceful. Plus I dig David Ferhty's accent.
27. HAIR COLOR?
Naturally, brown, but I strive for a shiny Charlie-esq black.
28. EYE COLOR?
Brown
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
crab or good ice cream or nutella & strawberry crepes.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings. I can't even watch a trailer for a scary movie.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Bits of Die Hard alternated with Seven Brides for Seven Brothers during commercials on TV in our hotel in SF, a surprising, yet satisfying mix.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Light blue.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
good kisses
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
ice cream or pie, or even better, both.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I dunno, whoever wants to.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
This one I do know. Whoever DOESN'T want to.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Trying to finish Atonement, but I'm halfway through & still not into it at all.... should I give it up or finish it for the sake of finishing it? Also reading The Peacegiver, I have to only read a chapter at a time and then think about it for like a week, there's just so much there.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Red.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Last Wednesday's So You Think You Can Dance.
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Live music, John Mayer was lovely. Sawyer's giggles are also up there.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Stones.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
France.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I make a mean wedding cake.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Bountiful.

You know the drill. Take it & run with it if you're so inclined, because no amount of tagging will make you if you aren't.

the San Francisco Treat!

(fyi- this is a long and annoying post. the pictures are cute, but don't feel bad if you don't make it to the end. I wish I knew how to summarize a little better tonight)

Last Wednesday was a little bit crazy. I had 300 cupcakes that needed to be decorated and delivered to Lehi. I had to pack all of our stuff for our trip. I had to make a pineapple upside down cake for the Young Women's activity that night & take it to Jenni's. I had to work out because I think it's pathetic that I gained 10 pounds with a pregnancy that didn't even yield a heartbeat. I had to meet Matt after I delivered the cake & bust hump to the airport so that we didn't miss our flight. So of course I slept poorly on Tuesday night worrying about how on earth I was going to get all that done, and woke up at 6 am which was fine, I could go work out and at least get that done. Check. Then, as soon as I got started on frosting the cupcakes, our air conditioner went kaput. So I moved everything to the much cooler basement & carried on, only the precious little violas that were going on the top of each cupcake, they really liked the refrigerator better, and let me know by curling their edges up.... lovely. I turned my car on while I finished the frosting & let it get to be like 60 degrees in there. (I love my car). And that is how we drove to Lehi; I place that I have vowed to never return to. I got so stinking lost. Who just takes a street sign down? It was a complete joke. Oh, wait, no, that's wrong. Delta airlines is a complete joke. On the way down to Lehi, I got a lovely little call saying that our 7:30 flight would now be an 11:30 flight. That would have been great if I hadn't already worked my a#$ off trying to get everything together!!!!! grrrrrrrr. So after delivering the lovely cuppies, Sawyer & I just went back to Susie's and napped until it was time to go. On the way to the airport, I called to check & make sure I had the right time for our flight, and they hadn't updated the system yet and told me that my flight left at 7:30. Okay, people, my husband has anxiety, and apparently it's contagious, because I just about had a panic attack myself. It was no bueno. But all was well. We made the flight and actually got bumped to first class which was a dream. Matt officially mandated that all flights over 2 hours will now be in first class. Okay with me.

Anyway, our trip was a blast. Just what we needed. Wednesday night, in our sleep deprived state, we picked up an identical suitcase from baggage claim that was definatley not ours. We didn't discover this until we tried to get Sawyer ready for bed, and saw that we had no pullups, pajamas or toothbrushes for her. So we called the number on the bag, woke a bunch of people up and had to arrange to get this poor girl her suitcase, while trying to locate ours at the airport. again, grrrrrr.

On Thursday we just went down to Fisherman's wharf & toured the Boudin Bakery, which was awesome, then we went back to the hotel & all had lovely long naps. We woke up & walked to Union Square and shopped a bit & had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory on the roof of Macy's overlooking the whole square. Sawyer has no fear of heights and wanted to look out over the edge the entire time & play I Spy while Daddy had to go inside & try not to puke. Dinner was awesome, and then we took the cable cars back to the hotel & crashed. I think my favorite part of the whole trip (and this is patheic & will surely reveal how deeply my superficiality goes) was the freaking adorable designer looking jeans we got Sawyer at H&M (my new favorite place on the planet) for $12.90!!!! I just have to laugh everytime I see her in them because they are JUST THAT CUTE!!!! Also, there is an place called the Chocolate Store on the Embarcadero that has the very best ice cream I have ever, EVER had. Ever. And this awesome painting that I tried to buy. I will paint it myself then dang it. It is perfect for me because I have always had this sinking feeling that I am faking my whole life & one day someone will realize it & take it away from me. (don't laugh, it's a real thing, it's called "imposter syndrome" and I have it.) Anyway, I thought that this painting was perfect for me, especially with the cake, just one more area that I feel like I'm faking.

On Friday we took a little bus tour out over the Golden Gate Bridge to Muir Woods and Sausalito. It was very fun, nice to get out and we especally loved the walking & talking we did through the giant redwoods in Muir Woods. Then after another great nap, we took Sawyer to the Aquarium of the Bay and she loved it. Then, let's see, I think we went back to Union Square & ate somewhere.... oh, yeah, this cool little Mexican place....oh, that was yummy. Then for dessert we had gelato & crepes in the food court. Divine. They don't seem to have very many franchise places there. Even in the food court, it was all very yummy, well made food, not fast food crap. Loved that about it. When we tried to take the trolley back home, it was a bit too busy for us, so we just started walking & walked all the way home. Sawyer fell asleep & it was a nice night & we had good talks and loved every minute of it.

Saturday morning we took a little cruise around the bay, it was really well done and we went under the Golden Gate Bridge & learned a lot about how they built it & the history of the bay & Alkatraz & stuff. Pretty interesting. Sawyer loved riding the bus & subway & cable cars. We took the bus to Golden Gate park & stopped off in Haight & Ashbury on the way. Yeah, pretty much hated that part. It's not as cool when you have a toddler with you & you see people shooting heroin on the sidewalk. Awesome. Once we got to the park it was nice though, the Conservatory of Flowers there had a butterfly exhibit that was pretty great & Sawyer loved that. We went straight to the Giant's game after that. We only stayed for an hour or so, Sawyer had kinda had it with that day, and we needed to get packed up anyway. So we booked it home and put the girl to bed.

On Sunday we packed, walked up to Ghiardelli Square & had breakfast & then went to church. As soon as we left though, I broke my shoe and walked the entire way back with no shoes on. We swung by Lombard Street though and that was pretty fun. And then we came home. It is good to be home. I am excited to get back to normal & have a nice break from cakes for August. I just have to do one for a lady in my ward on Wednesday & then I will be free & clear for a month. I am planning on getting lots and lots of stuff done around the house, so we'll see how that goes. Oh, and we're going on an Alaskan Cruise. And having a family reunion. And going to Raspberry Days. And losing ten. So.... we'll see how much house crap I actually get done.

what do you think?

okay so matt is just catching up on his golf watching, I'm cleaning off the camera after a long weekend in San Francisco, when we see a commerical that sparked an interesting conversation. It shows the fountain of youth & had all these old people walking into it & coming out young children. Matt thought that it would be so great to be really young & have all the knowledge that you have now. I completely disagree. That would take all the fun out of being young. All the mistakes I made, I would have been too afraid to make them now, and would have missed out on some really fun things and some very valuable learning experiences. Obviously I wish I hadn't have married Jared, but I have a sneaking suspicion that going through that kind of prepared me for Matt & made me able to really appreciate what a wonderful man he is. Anyway, it's interesting to think about. So, what do you think? If you knew then what you know now, how would things be different? Would all the fun be gone? Do you have things that you regret that much? Things you regret NOT doing? It's hard to say.

Pictures by Sawyer

As I was cleaning our camera off today I noticed that like 90% of the pictures were taken by our budding photographer. I let her play with the camera occasionally, but I guess I didn't realize how much she loves it! She takes pictures of every one of her toys and everything that she does. Granted, only about 40% of them are in focus, but some of them are actually kinda nice. I especially love the ones of Matt & I. I hope that's how she sees us, smiley & nice, not impatient & mean.

this too shall pass. (just wish I could fast forward)

How can I miss someone so bad that I never got a chance to meet? How could so much anticipation and love have been all tied up in something the size of a raspberry? Today was one of the most disappointing days of my life, and I never want to go through this again. I am so grateful to my dear, sweet mother-in-law, who was completely there for me. An unlikely source for just exactly the "girl" I needed. Sometimes you just need a girl, you know? And she is my girl. Sawyer is also my girl and her presence today was literally a God-send. Caring for her not only takes my mind of my big empty cave of a uterus, but also makes me realize that yes, this pain is worth it. Today she summed it all up when I told her that the baby in momma's tummy wasn't there anymore. She was a bit sad for a minute & kinda hung her head until a big smile came across her face & she said brightly "get another one!" Okay girl, we will, but give me a minute.
Melissa's comment reminded me that I never got to post any of the miriad of these pictures I took the day we found out. I tried to keep this on the DL for a while. We bought the David Bowie shirt in Seattle for the kid when it was just a hope that I might be pregnant. One day David will have a little body to be worn by. One day.

weirdo-beardo-banana-fanna-fierdo

I'm sick of looking at my garden here at the top of my blog. So I will make a new post that is less depressing. This weekend has been really fun, but I haven't really gotten anything done that I meant to. Because, for real, my house needs some love, my yard needs some love, my dog needs some love and I think that probably my husband needs some love. Friday night was my 10 year high school reunion, which I probably wouldn't have gone to if Kirsten hadn't been in charge of it and adamantly insisted that I go. But I am so glad I did, it was a blast & really great to see the great people that I went to school with. Kinda surreal though. I swear I'm not that old. Most people were pretty much the same, but with less of that insecure high school kattiness. I wish I hadn't have had a boyfriend all through high school, I think I missed out on some great friendships with my guy friends because I was so wrapped up in Jared. Pretty silly. The only person I really wished had been there that wasn't was Paul Lawrence. I've known him since 3rd grade, and we were on and off best-ish friends, and then after my divorce, we kissed and then it got weird. (p.s. we kissed way, way after my divorce was finalized, contrary to anything you'll hear from my ex-husband.) Anyway, the last thing I heard from him was that he was going to marry some Tahitian chic that he knew from his mission, and then we kinda dropped out of each other's lives. Well, turns out that the gorgeous girl I sat next to at dinner actually is the one who married him! She moved to Viewmont in our Junior year and I didn't know her very well at all, but as we talked, she kept referring to her husband Paul & it finally clicked, so that was really, really weird. I hope that she wasn't annoyed by my asking about him, I really do have such a soft spot in my heart for him. I guess I would be a bit suspicious of a girl Matt had made out with if she started asking about him a lot. Anyway, she was very nice and it was awesome to see pictures of his adorable little boy and know that they are doing well. Time flies. Actually the one who freaked me out the most was Mike Steed. I just wanted to say "Mike Steed's gots kids?" like from Hook; "Peter Pan's gots kids?" After the reunion, Rossi & I went to see Iron Man which was awesome, I loved it and was sad that Matt wasn't there. But I am exhausted now and I cannot believe I am still online. DUMB. g'night.

My Pathetic Garden

When we built this house I had big plans for the yard. They included a big beautiful wild rose garden on the south side, lots of room to play, and of course, a fruitful garden. I have never done much gardening, and I had no idea how to go about doing it. I still don't. This spring I planted a ton of seeds to start indoors, and the spring was so weird & long, with snow in April, that I completely killed off an entire batch of seedlings just by leaving them inside for too long. Anyway, once I did get some seedlings to stick around, and transplanted them to the great outdoors, I think I forgot to turn on the garden part of our sprinkling system, and killed them off again. Our water turns on at like 2 in the morning so it was easy to forget about. Well, I am happy to say that the watermelon and one single corn stalk are still going strong. And my Costco tomato plants are freaking rockstars. Look how huge they are! And yesterday I picked my very first ever homegrown tomato! How cute is that? Too cute to eat, I'll tell you that much.