We are adjusting to life with a dog again. It's not the same. What was I thinking? Don't get me wrong, Sylvie is a sweet little girl & I have certainly had moments where I just love her, but she simply doesn't have the same presence that Charlie did. Lots less personality. In fact, she's kinda like a cat. She seems like she could take us or leave us. I don't know, maybe she's depressed that she's the only dog here. She loves to be outside, and frankly we aren't really outside people at this time of year. Shoveling the driveway with Matt is pretty much the highlight of her day. Today, unbeknownst to me, she followed me out into the garage, and was probably out there for an hour before I realized that she was missing. When I found her she was just sleeping next to the garage door, soaking up all the cold air. It's funny, she doesn't act like she's hot while she's in the house, but she would just sit in the snow all day if I'd let her. I used to never feel alone when Charlie was around, Sylvie just doesn't have that comforting companionship vibe going on. I can't really talk to her, she doesn't act like she cares or is listening. That sounds stupid, but Charlie so did. I really hope we come to know each other better. I probably just need to quit comparing the two of them. That's not fair is it?
I'll give her this; she is really cute. And sweet. And soft. And fun to play with in the snow. - Posted from my iPhone
Sawyer is in her room screaming "you not very nice to me," and "bad Momma.". This just started today. I guess I'll take comfort in the fact that today earlier today she told me that I was her favorite, nicest Momma. What a fickle little chic.
I'm being a huge procrastinator today. My cute nephew is getting married this weekend & they're having 2 receptions, so I'm doing 1.25 cakes for them. I say 1.25 because the top 3 tiers are going to be dummies, and I'll just have to do a new bottom tier for each reception. I could have done the top three months ago. Did I? No, no I did not. Now I've got all of it to do this week as well as all the extraneous Christmas crap, working out, not ignoring my child or husband, feeding them, and fighting off the mental & physical exhaustion that growing a fetus requires. Anyway, it makes me wonder if I really even want to keep doing cakes, as they are a huge pain in the booty. Also the fact that I don't charge near enough to make it worth my while doesn't help much. An opportunity came up this weekend to be one of two authorized cake vendors at the Castle recption center here in Layton. Should I persue it? They want me to bring in a sample cd this week for them to show their clients. Yet another thing I should be doing instead of blogging. I'm sure I could start charging more, but then I'd be afraid I'd not live up to expectations. I still feel like I'm faking it, ten years later. I dunno. Plus we're having a new baby join us come spring, and I'm pretty much in survival mode for the first six months. I love the feeling of accomplishment once I'm done with a cake, how much I learn with each one... Also I never want to be "just" a mom, I want to have an identity, interests & talents outside of just popping babies out. Sheesh, I don't know.
Sawyer turned four on November 9th. Yeah, I know that's almost a month ago. I woke her up with the Miller tradition of breakfast in bed, and I was go glad to see that she got the memo about how the birthday girl has to look totally hung over in the breakfast in bed picture. Later we had a gi-gunga party at Kangaroo Zoo. The guest list got a little out of control, but we all had a blast pretending to be circus clowns cramming into our tiny party room. Sawyer had a blast playing on all the bouncy toys with her cousins & friends. And then this random kid came around & made a nuisance of himself. Notice the look of pain on Sawyer's face as his butt runs over her hair, surely ripping it out of the follicles. Not only was he annoying, but he hurt the birthday girl & didn't even bring a gift. We were unable to find any sort of parental figure, but saw him leaving later with a man who had been on his laptop the ENTIRE time, completely ignoring his son & not noticing at all what a pain in the ass he was being to everyone else. I wonder how much attention he gets at home... Oh, then he also kept accidentally hurting all the other kids in our party. At least I think it was accidental. This is Sawyer with her friend Megan Wood. (On a side note: The other day after Megan went home from a play date, I asked Sawyer if she & Megan had fun playing together. Sawyer said, "oh, she's kind of my weird friend." I stifled a laugh & asked "oh yeah? Why is Megan weird?" because I think she's awesome, one of my favorite of Sawyer's friends to have over. To which Sawyer replied, "she likes Yo Gabba Gabba." See, I've trained her well!)She really loved her cake, and I did too. Notice the cool pattern on the skirt. Yeah, I did that. I'm the shish. Of course her most favorite part was opening presents, and frankly, she made quite a haul. I was really good this time & had her help me write out thank you notes the next day! Yay, me! However, I just noticed that they are all in the bottom of my purse, waiting for postage. Good work, mom.I love this picture of Sawyer & her little buddy Max hugging. They are so cute together. This picture makes me miss hanging out with Danny & Jessica, I hate how busy everyone is right now. I guess that's why I'm posting this nearly a month after the fact.
These are the nights when I miss Charlie the most. Matt went to play basketball with some friends, Sawyer is asleep, I have about 200 things I should be doing, but backache + zero energy = me sitting on my butt watching TV with no one to pet or talk to. In fact I might even attempt to get up & do something if I had her to talk to as I worked. I tried to email the family that has her a few weeks ago, it came back undeliverable. That was the only contact information I had for them. It sucks. I've never missed anyone this bad in my life. I'm sure my whining about this is getting tedious, but it appears as though no one reads my blog anymore so whatever.