the secret ain't no big secret

Dear ol' Oprah. Bless her heart. This whole whoopla about "The Secret" has really blown up since she had it on her show. Greg tried to let me in on it a LONG time ago, I think, but I just didn't take the time to order the DVD or whatever; but it is pretty powerful. The thing is though, it's just really living the gospel. As we strive to become more like Christ, our thoughts naturally will become more positive and less judgemental of ourselves as well as others. It is kind of putting the cart before the horse though, because until we have a true change of heart these won't be lasting changes. I guess you do kind of have to "fake it till you make it" though. I am subscribed to this digital scrapbooking newsletter that is amazing. The owner of the company, ScrapGirls.com writes a little "muse" everyday, basically a blog entry, and it is amazing how much you can connect with someone you've never met. Anyway, she talked about the secret today as well, and I decided to try it out, because it's worked for me in the past I realized. When I realized that I weighed 13 pounds LESS than before I got pregnant, I felt like such a rock star, my thoughts were full of gratitude for a strong body, I was proud every time I went to BodyPump and added weight. I felt so hot, and it just kind of fed off itself. I felt healthy, so I always ate healthy. I was really nourishing my body and it was reciprocating with becoming more and more healthy, and I didn't have to really even work at it. It wasn't until I decided to do the pageant that I started to feel like I needed to lose weight again, and things started sucking again. I was focusing on weight and I started to attract weight. Then I felt badly about myself and I started to treat Matt badly because somewhere inside I didn't feel like I deserved him, and I wanted to push him away!!! How messed up is that?? I even started to see it affect my realationship with Sawyer, I didn't feel like I was "playing my A game" with eating, and that spread out to my ability to be patient with Sawyer and I would find myself being fed up with her for the stupidest things! What a big freaking joke. It is a vicious cycle. Now, granted I would love to lose ten before I have to be in a swimsuit in front of 2000 people, but I am not going to think about that, I am rather going to be grateful that I am so fit, that I am 6 feet tall, that I have such a great gym to go to, that I have a supportive amazing husband, and that I have such an abundance of great healthy food available to me. I am so stinking blessed. I'm excited.

((((Home Show))))

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the St. George Parade of Homes! We took a couple of years off because it was getting kinda old going every single year, and I'm way glad. There are new cool things again. My favorite today wasn't really anything special technically, I guess, but it was just decorated so perfectly, not to froofy, or trying to hard. I would love to have just bought it exactly like it was furnishings and all. It was really open and had amazing views with tons of floor to ceiling windows everywhere. The master suite was divine, good textures and just really peaceful. All the cabinetry was stunning, dark woods with light walls and carpets, it was beautiful. There was also a Frank Lloyd Wright-ish one, totally symetrical with tons of art glass windows and craftsman woodwork. That one was cool, but it was surrounded by this UGLY cinderblock wall. I couldn't get over how stupid the person who decided that would be okay was. eww! I think it's pretty clear that Matt & I want to have a place down here one day. He loves the Entrada area with it's snow canyon views and all the red rocks. It is really so incredibly beautiful. Plus, St. George is just such an active place, everyone is always out jogging, biking, rollerblading or golfing. It's 70 degrees today, and it's February and we're going swimming. It is perfect. We could stay down here from like October to April and then live in Bountiful or Layton for the rest of the year. Yeah, that would be ideal. Maybe when our kids are grown. Of course, we wouldn't be the first to do that. There are so many freaking old people down here. It's a little insane. Well I think I am going to have a nap while Sawyer does. I got up early today & went to Golds, so it's about time.

hello again.

Man, I really let things slide there for a while. Well, I'm back. It has just been insane with pageant crap, I cannot believe how generous people are. With lots of help from Matt, we've been able to raise quite a bit of money. I will still sell ad space until they are due in April, but I think I'll be able to do this pageant without spending any of our own money, which was the goal. It is amazing to me that so many people are willing to support what I am doing. My favorite though, I've got to admit is the money my parents gave me. They said that they wanted to buy a little good luck ad for me, and my dad said that he was thinking about a business card sized one, but when he learned that I only get half of the money from ads, he decided he'd better just sponsor me directly. So they talked it over and next time I saw him, he had a check. I expected him to only give me like $50 because that's what the ad would have cost him, so imagine my surprise, when the check was for $200! Now, that may not sound like much to some people, but from my parents, it is huge. They have done such a good job of teaching me to be independent, and if I want something I know I have to work for it, so for them to just give me 1/4 of my entry fee was really amazing to me. They are so supportive and kind in every way. It really meant a lot to me. Let's see, what else? Oh, Valentine's Day was really fun. Matt bribed me into going to the Jazz game; we were playing the Cavs, so I got to look at LeBron all night which was great for me. I actually have really been enjoying watching basketball with Matt lately though. I think it's coaching the Young Women's team, it's made me have to learn a few things, and Matt is very good to teach me what he can in those rare moments when I try to give a crap about sports. Plus Memot Okur is so clutch, the game was pretty exciting. So now we are in St. George again (I love my life) courting one of Matt's clients until Tuesday. The home show is on this week, and I love going to that, so it should be really fun. Then when we go home, Sawyer and I are heading up to Idaho to help Jozet do some finish work on her house, and watch Jared in the State Wrestling Championship. That kid is so freaking cool. I wish I could raise my kids to be like the Richardsons, honestly. Even McKaye, who has every reason to be a brat (only girl, beautiful, talented) is so NOT a brat. I have the coolest nieces and nephews. It makes me think twice about having only 3 kids. I really think that part of the reason they are such neat kids is that they have had to learn a lot of patience and that they aren't the center of the universe because they all have so many siblings. I dunno, I'm sure that there are advantages both ways. We'll see. Last Saturday was seriously one of my favorite days of all time. It was really pretty normal, but we just felt like a real live family, it was so nice. We got up and went to a BodyPump class together at the gym, then went to Mimi's for breakfast, which I've wanted to do ever since we moved to Layton. Then Sawyer had her nap while Matt & I organized the garage, powerwashed all the yard tools, the front porch and the garage floor. We washed the cars and cleaned them out, and vacuumed the house and dusted. We took down the Christmas lights from our house & our neighbors, and it was so much fun! I sound like a nerd, but I just love how well Matt & I work together, we are the best team. When Sawyer woke up we had cheese toast and soup for lunch and took her to the park. Anyway, it was a really nice day. I love my family. And how cute is Sawyer at the park, seriously? Lots of fun.

gaining control, slowly but surely

Hola! I'm back. I've missed blogging lately, just been too busy worrying about this pageant stuff as well as babysitting for Matt's sister all last weekend. I got my first sponsorship yesterday from Dan & Shellie George @ Community Chiropractic. I'm doing what Matt said, making at least five contacts a day, and things are starting to come around. I just have to make sure I don't get discouraged and overwhelmed. Anyway, I miss Kirsten, they went to San Diego and she hasn't been updating her blog, so that sucks. Honestly, I don't have much to say today, I am pretty beat from the gym this morning, and my brain is not really working either, but it's a beautiful day and I am going to go get some pageant money! Talk to you later.