the secret ain't no big secret

Dear ol' Oprah. Bless her heart. This whole whoopla about "The Secret" has really blown up since she had it on her show. Greg tried to let me in on it a LONG time ago, I think, but I just didn't take the time to order the DVD or whatever; but it is pretty powerful. The thing is though, it's just really living the gospel. As we strive to become more like Christ, our thoughts naturally will become more positive and less judgemental of ourselves as well as others. It is kind of putting the cart before the horse though, because until we have a true change of heart these won't be lasting changes. I guess you do kind of have to "fake it till you make it" though. I am subscribed to this digital scrapbooking newsletter that is amazing. The owner of the company, ScrapGirls.com writes a little "muse" everyday, basically a blog entry, and it is amazing how much you can connect with someone you've never met. Anyway, she talked about the secret today as well, and I decided to try it out, because it's worked for me in the past I realized. When I realized that I weighed 13 pounds LESS than before I got pregnant, I felt like such a rock star, my thoughts were full of gratitude for a strong body, I was proud every time I went to BodyPump and added weight. I felt so hot, and it just kind of fed off itself. I felt healthy, so I always ate healthy. I was really nourishing my body and it was reciprocating with becoming more and more healthy, and I didn't have to really even work at it. It wasn't until I decided to do the pageant that I started to feel like I needed to lose weight again, and things started sucking again. I was focusing on weight and I started to attract weight. Then I felt badly about myself and I started to treat Matt badly because somewhere inside I didn't feel like I deserved him, and I wanted to push him away!!! How messed up is that?? I even started to see it affect my realationship with Sawyer, I didn't feel like I was "playing my A game" with eating, and that spread out to my ability to be patient with Sawyer and I would find myself being fed up with her for the stupidest things! What a big freaking joke. It is a vicious cycle. Now, granted I would love to lose ten before I have to be in a swimsuit in front of 2000 people, but I am not going to think about that, I am rather going to be grateful that I am so fit, that I am 6 feet tall, that I have such a great gym to go to, that I have a supportive amazing husband, and that I have such an abundance of great healthy food available to me. I am so stinking blessed. I'm excited.