i'm kinda screaming inside

from excitement that is.


my husband is freaking amazing.

- Posted from my iPhone

it feels like i'm in high school again (and it's my fault)

i just unsubscribed from a whole ton of blogs that i had in my google reader. it feels ever so good. lately i have found myself feeling completely un-okay. like i will never be good enough, crafty enough, pretty enough, thin enough, well dressed, or organized, well-read or eloquent. i spend way too much time reading all these blogs, written by a bunch of different people who all have different skill sets, and then i combine all their skills into a single super-person that i hold myself up to for comparasion. obviously i come up short every time.
i am sick to death of it.
i don't knit.
i don't decorate my home flawlessly.
i don't clean my home flawlessly.
i don't clip coupons.
i don't upcycle the trash into darling craft projects for my kids.
i don't have much of a sense of style.
i don't plan parties.
i don't do my daughter's hair very well.
i don't have 2000 hits per day on my blog.
i don't write very well.
i don't make people laugh easily.
i don't inspire people.
i don't have very many original ideas.

i could make this list very, very long
but i won't, it's not very fun.

to sum this up, i'm not that girl. half the time i feel like i'm just treading water. some days i just write down things on my to do list after i've done them, just to make myself feel like i've actually accomplished something. it ususally goes like this:
get up. check
keep kids alive. check
feed kids. check
keep house from burning down. check
think about doing dishes. check
play on facebook. check
play bookworm. check
think about taking a shower. check

but guess what? i am really good at a few things too.
i am the girl who works out (hard) 5 days a week. (usually) and loves it.
i am the girl who has created a home & family that makes my kids feel secure & loved.
i am the girl who does her darndest to be a good primary president & make sure those sweet kids know that their Heavenly Father loves them.
i am the girl who has a great relationship with her husband because we work at it.
i am the girl who folds clothes like a champ.
i am the girl who is a really good friend to a few people. not too many. quality over quantity.
i am the girl who feels like a competent cook and a phenomenal baker.
i am the girl who is learning to keep a garden (to the complete shock of her father)
i am the girl who is learning to ask for help & delegate.
i am the girl who doesn't hold a grudge. (and not just because my memory sucks)
i am the girl who is quick to apologize to her kids & admit that she was way out of line.
i am a girl who keeps trying.

i guess my new year's resolution is to quit comparing myself to others.
but do you want to know what i'm keeping in my blogroll? (besides my friends & family blogs?)

among them are:
housewife on fire
the lola letters
sofia's primary ideas
rabidrunner
bird on the lawn
catch a fire
nienie
clover lane
our best bites
single dad laughing
color me katie

p.s. i don't understand why these links aren't working. i've tried fixing it like seven times. i'm sure you can figure it out.
these ones make me smile. they help me do the important, essential things better. it's time to cut out the crap, celeste. and it feels good.

I love me a good impulse buy

so, a few months ago I woke up & started my daily ritual of laying in bed reading scriptures, checking email & stalking blogs (not necessarily in that order. although that's what I aim for). when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a screaming deal on a silhouette digital cutter machine thing-a-gigger. I never knew they existed before this day, nor did I think I needed something like that prior, but it just looked too cool to pass up, and I had a bunch of cake money just sitting in my bank account. so i bought it. before i even got out of bed that day I had spent over $200. not too shabby.

and i have zero buyer's remorse. the thing is fully awwwesome (you have to say this like Rhino on Bolt).

last night i cut out a bunch of cute little cards to go with our neighbor gifts, little chubs of raw cookie dough for people to bake once the holiday junk food rush has subsided. they turned out so cute! I did four to a page, and how cool was it that instead of cutting them all out, I just had the silhouette perforate them so that I could just tear them apart?

Answer- super freaking cool.it's a bad picture, but I like how they turned out. another thing I did last night at 1 am was make a little vinyl reminder of my new dietary guidelines. I read this in a Women's Health article. It was all technical and scientific & written by a bunch of fancy nutritionists, but the last sentence was what I'm taking from it. This guy said "I think the best nutritional advice I've ever given was just seven words: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly Plants." I love it, so that's what went up on my wall. It's kinda cheeky and the vinyl is slightly crooked, but whatever.

The next thing I want to do with it is something with this cute saying from this darling cake plate I saw a Hip & Humble yesterday. (I swear you could not go into that store & spit without hitting something I want.)

anyway, it's been fun having a new toy. I need to try cutting out fabric with it. If it works, making those cute little applique onsies will become ridiculously easy.

oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree

once upon a time I swore I would never have a fake tree. then came the pine needles and my anal retentive need to wrap the lights around each. and. every. limb. a prelit tree is much more betterer for my brain. so now I just buy the evergreen room spray from bath & body works, and everything is awesome. I love our tree. the other night Abram was gazing ever so lovingly at it, and I thought I’d try my hand at the impossibility of getting a decent picture of the tree & the boy. I am horrible at using my amazing Nikon’s manual settings, despite the fact that I have taken 3 photography classes & am great friends with some great photographers. Technically I understand the concept of f-stop, aperture, shutter speed & all that, but in real life I lack the ability to actually use that knowledge. Anyway, I love how these turned out, because at the shutter speed that I had to have it set at to get the glowy tree look, there was no way Abram was not going to turn out fuzzy, the dude does not hold still. it was very fitting for how his life has been so far. with sawyer I was constantly reading up on the next step in her development & anxiously waiting for her to achieve it. she couldn’t grow fast enough for me.

lame.

with abes I’m kind of freaking out over how quickly he is growing. He seems dead set on turning into a big gigantic man-person by the time he’s two. it’s like the Clifford the Big Red Dog book, the one where Emily Elizabeth first gets Clifford… each morning when he wakes up they are all shocked by how much he’s grown over night. that’s me every morning.

FAIL

since like August I've been scheming to redo Sawyer's bathroom. It was quite blah before, but now, after months of procrastinating & half-a**ing, it's a complete nightmare! I am so annoyed. I was trying to copy the marvelous girl's bathroom at House of Smiths, since our bathrooms are exactly the same I thought it would be a walk in the park. I forgot to factor in the fact that Cason & Shelley have clearly done a fair bit more DIYing that Matt & I. What a big freaking joke. Although I am a fan of the framed mirror. See their tutorial here. It was super easy, besides the 45 degree cuts, I did it all myself. Please forgive the disgusting state of the bathroom. I'd say it's not usually like this, but it is.
k, then I tried to do this, and ended up with this: My wrists still hurt from holding the trim up while the liquid nails dried. I was planning to make a cute design on my Silhouette machine to put inside those little rectangles, but is it even worth the trouble? I'm not a fan of the "botany beige" that I used because it's what I had gallons upon gallons of. The green really pops next to white. Beige... not so much. But I don't want to repaint everything.
It turns out that the wall in question is kinda bowed. Gooooo Ivory Homes! And then my dear sweet husband came along & tried to help & we got stuck with this: Bless his heart, but I surely didn't marry him for his mad handyman skills. Anyway, I'm frustrated. That crack was the last straw for me & now I'm not sure how to proceed. I just kinda cleaned it up & put away the caulk & putty & paint. I had made these darling ruffled towels, but it turns out that the towels I bought suck & every time I dry my hands on them my wedding ring pulls a six inch snag out of the towel. lovely. See? But the ruffles are cute, right? The only thing about the bathroom that I'm actually liking is the darling super soft bathrobe I made for Sawyer. Yes I made it. I am a sewer....I mean seamstress.
Basically I wish that some masked man would come in & take it all out & put up this wallpaper & these hooks (how darling would it be to put in a pic of Sawyer & one of Abes? maybe just their bums....hehehe) & this cabinet & countertop. (for the mere price of $1900 it can be yours! Gee, thanks Pottery Barn!) ok. well I'm sick of talking about this.
But seriously, what should I do? Is it as bad as I think it is? Anyone know a good dude who would love to come & mock me to scorn as he fixes up the crap I've done?