Monday, December 27, 2010

it feels like i'm in high school again (and it's my fault)

i just unsubscribed from a whole ton of blogs that i had in my google reader. it feels ever so good. lately i have found myself feeling completely un-okay. like i will never be good enough, crafty enough, pretty enough, thin enough, well dressed, or organized, well-read or eloquent. i spend way too much time reading all these blogs, written by a bunch of different people who all have different skill sets, and then i combine all their skills into a single super-person that i hold myself up to for comparasion. obviously i come up short every time.
i am sick to death of it.
i don't knit.
i don't decorate my home flawlessly.
i don't clean my home flawlessly.
i don't clip coupons.
i don't upcycle the trash into darling craft projects for my kids.
i don't have much of a sense of style.
i don't plan parties.
i don't do my daughter's hair very well.
i don't have 2000 hits per day on my blog.
i don't write very well.
i don't make people laugh easily.
i don't inspire people.
i don't have very many original ideas.

i could make this list very, very long
but i won't, it's not very fun.

to sum this up, i'm not that girl. half the time i feel like i'm just treading water. some days i just write down things on my to do list after i've done them, just to make myself feel like i've actually accomplished something. it ususally goes like this:
get up. check
keep kids alive. check
feed kids. check
keep house from burning down. check
think about doing dishes. check
play on facebook. check
play bookworm. check
think about taking a shower. check

but guess what? i am really good at a few things too.
i am the girl who works out (hard) 5 days a week. (usually) and loves it.
i am the girl who has created a home & family that makes my kids feel secure & loved.
i am the girl who does her darndest to be a good primary president & make sure those sweet kids know that their Heavenly Father loves them.
i am the girl who has a great relationship with her husband because we work at it.
i am the girl who folds clothes like a champ.
i am the girl who is a really good friend to a few people. not too many. quality over quantity.
i am the girl who feels like a competent cook and a phenomenal baker.
i am the girl who is learning to keep a garden (to the complete shock of her father)
i am the girl who is learning to ask for help & delegate.
i am the girl who doesn't hold a grudge. (and not just because my memory sucks)
i am the girl who is quick to apologize to her kids & admit that she was way out of line.
i am a girl who keeps trying.

i guess my new year's resolution is to quit comparing myself to others.
but do you want to know what i'm keeping in my blogroll? (besides my friends & family blogs?)

among them are:
housewife on fire
the lola letters
sofia's primary ideas
bird on the lawn
catch a fire
clover lane
our best bites
single dad laughing
color me katie

p.s. i don't understand why these links aren't working. i've tried fixing it like seven times. i'm sure you can figure it out.
these ones make me smile. they help me do the important, essential things better. it's time to cut out the crap, celeste. and it feels good.


Jen and Daz said...

Can I just say that I think you are fabulous!?!?! Thank you for being you and keeping things real. I love that you know and recognize your gifs, talents and abilities. And that you share those with all who know you, in person or in blog world. I love your blog, you make me smile and laugh out loud each time I read just by being you. Hugs from Australia.

Melissa said...

I like this post.
It's funny how we view ourselves I think.
We're always so tough on ourselves.
I'm glad you eliminated all those blogs.
I know one of them CAN'T OF BEEN mine cause the list you put at the top....................yeah the majority of that is me as well, so there's no way you'll feel bad about my blog right?!?
I think you're awesome Celeste.
There's plenty of things I'd like to do as well as you.
One thing at a time right?

Lynette said...

Um, yes. I am with you all the way.

Lynette said...

And thanks for sharing the blogs you like, I checked them all out and added some to my reader. Those are definitely better than the junk blogs I normally read (by junk I mean, do not make me feel very good about myself and my abilities!) so thank you.

Kierstin said...

Clover lane is a daily must for me. She's amazing.. And so are you (crafty or not, I love ya)

Ashley Thalman said...

Oh Celeste. I feel like you are my soul sister...too bad you live so far north.

Really though. Really.

tanalicious said...

yes. yes. yes.

i'm so glad you posted that, because i think we all feel that way. so much to live up to and no way to ever attain it. its a recipe for disaster.

and i love that you are so honest. none of us are superwomen. i gave a talk in church on that very topic and i've saved it so i can re-read it when i'm feeling inadequate..

and showering IS HARD! my husband doesnt understand.

(ps. i feel flattered i'm still on the list! mostly because i think i'm lame and so is my blog... yay!)

Stefanie said...

Just by way of quick information Celeste, there are many days that you inspire me. And we haven't even talked probably since 4th grade. - So see, you do inspire people.

the Lola Letters said...

{Oh, and NOT just because my blogs made the cut - but thank you for that too.}

A few corrections though:
i don't write very well. FALSE
i don't make people laugh easily. SUUUPER FALSE.
i don't inspire people. EVEN FALSER.
i don't have very many original ideas. KAY TECHNICALLY, I CAN'T SAY IF THIS IS TRUE OR FALSE, but I CAN say that almost no one has any original ideas anymore...we are at the end of the world rather than the beginning, so sadly, for us, it's all about reinvention {which I am sure you do flawlessly ;)

I am SO linking this from Housewife on Fire. Could not be a more perfect way of saying a lot of what I want to say.

And I love you.

Like, to a point that could possibly be borderline creepy...perhaps, but I am not even sorry. Just can't be.

Jen Nelson said...

oh my gosh! I was soooo feeling this exact same way last week!!

'woe is me and my undecorated house and my lack of homemade bread and canning skills. Why can't I sew like a pro or be totally cute all the time'

I ate a lot of chocolate and took a nap! ha!

It's a great reminder that we can't do it all and shouldn't except ourselves to do it all!

Jana said...

True.that. I've been wanting to do the same thing for weeks now. Months??? For reals I think you're amazing and I'm not just saying that.

P.s. I have questions about hypnobirthing if you have the time??

Kiera said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. All too well. I hate how we as women feel the need to do so much comparing.
I dont know you YET, but I really want to because

1. you are real!
2. this post made me laugh out loud so you obviously have a sense of humor
3. I cant be friends with seemingly perfect people. imperfect people are so much more relatable.

Lets be friends...shall we?

Sarah said... about stumbling onto a post. Not sure if you will get this comment on such an old post, but your words hit home with me tonight! I too have been comparing myself to other bloggers in blogland and I don't even have a Anyways, rock on, I am sure you are much more normal than most of them anyways!