Wednesday, January 14, 2009

does anyone else...

..ever just want to be left alone for like a week?
..feel evil that they don't want to share all of their food with their 3 year old? (who refuses to eat her own lunch, but squawks like a bird until I feed her some of mine.)
..wonder if they even could mentally handle the second child that they've been trying for for a year?
..feel evil for thinking these things because their child actually is an unbelievably good girl?
..occasionally think that motherhood is not all it's cracked up to be in the satisfaction department?
..get retardedly sick of doing the same housekeeping, child-rearing tasks over and over and over day after day?
..think that blogging, bless it's heart, has made it all that much easier for them to compare their own worst selves to everyone else's best selves?
..feel like such a peice of crap for a mom somedays?
I'M SOOOO SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS!!!!!
Am I just some insecure, selfish, stupid woman? Sometimes I just want to run away to the beach & sell churros.

There it is.
On my blog.
For all the world to see.


13 comments:

Melissa said...

Ooooooo I love the beach!!
Seriously though being a stay at home mum is tougher than people think. Especially being a stay at home mum and a member of the church and all that means.
Clean house, clean you, good healthy food 3 times a day, activities to stimulate your child/ren, scripture study, reading a good book for your brain and intellect, discipline second to none so your child turns out, relationships with mates and family that are healthy, your calling done well.............should I go on?
You're allowed to feel things Celeste, it's normal and your just being honest, it's why I like your blog, I like honest people, even though you and I are so different and never see each other I can appreciate that fact that your honest. I like it in people, no fake.
You and Matt will do great with a second child. If Dru and I can do it so far with our 'free range method' then you and Matt will do wonders with your second child as well as continuing to do wonders with Sawyer.
I think my kids so far are so good, and that's DISPITE me for the most part.
I wrestle daily with my parenting and how bad it is and try to do better, sometimes I get down on myself.
I don't think that's what Heavenly Father wants.
It's a struggle though.
Good luck and know that these blogs you're reading that has the mum making herself out to be perfect are 'fake, fake, fake, fake' and they have problems just with that in and of itself.
Alright so am I up to 1000 words yet with this comment?

schmath said...

I've only been at it for two weeks, and it already sucks.

WowsRose said...

"..feel like such a peice of crap for a mom somedays?"

Welcome to my club! How would you like your name to read on your complimentary members jacket?

Deep breath. Focus on what matters and remember, all mom's feel this way at some point, some are just really good at faking being Mrs. Perfect. haha I typed that without reading the comment from Melissa up there first, so I swear I'm totally not copying her!

I cannot believe you don't wake up every morning excited to tackle the daily crap!

BTW, the photos of you from the previous post: AMAZING.

the Lola Letters said...

Hello! I totally understand. I look like I have multiple personality disorder on my blog! That's just the nature of the beast.
Here's me:
happy
happy
happy
I HATE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING IN IT!
happy
happy
happy
life is beautiful
I am so grateful
LIFE SUCKS! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A FREAKIN BABY!!!!????
I'm okay with not having another baby.
I am willingly accepting whatever life (aka God) has in store for me.
happy
happy
happy
my child is beautifuland smart
and funny
and raising him is so fulfilling
I can be totally happy with just one child...
WHY CAN'T I HAVE ANOTHER DANG BABY???!!!!!
And, seriously, it really doesn't help when you're "trying" because every time you have a bad day or bad thought, your abusive little brain says "See! That's why you're not getting pregnant! You're a bad person and you're not properly mothering the sweet little child that you already have, so why should you get another one? You big fat loser."

and then you say:
"You know what, abusive little brain, you're right. I'm going to go get back in bed with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and we're gonna try this again tomorrow."

Works for me.
Love you.
(I thought I said we were doing a
5k and now I'm sad that I didn't! You should run it anyway. I've only run twice. It's going to be a trainwreck. Pretty funny.

And NO I haven't seen your April a.t. photoshoot pics! Where might I find these pics!???

Natalie Murray said...

I agree with you & the previous comments!!! AMEN! Especially to the part about comparing ourselves to everyone else!!! I swear that is the worst part about it, but ifwe turn it around we can really praise & learn from everyone elses best selves!

Lisa said...

Yes, yes and YES! I even had a little breakdown two days ago, pouring out all this same stuff to Rick. The poor guy just looked at me like he was really confused and maybe a little scared...

the Lola Letters said...

Found the a.t. photoshoot! brilliant! so fun.
Can't wait to see you this weekend!

Doug said...

Pick anyone elses life you might covet and I will bet a million bucks that they feel the same way from time to time about their own "miserable" existance. Love you.

Kierstin said...

No. Never. I love everything about everyone all of the time never ending... especially my PERFECT children, husband and dog.

I do love churros though, how much?

i love, love, love your honesty, candor and sense of humor in the every-day life that we live. It'll be ok because the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun, just thinkin' about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow... TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I'LL LOVE YA TOMORROW, YOU'RE ONLY A DAY A WAY.....TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I'LL LOVE YA TOMORROW, YOU'RE ONLY A DAAAAAAY, AAAAAAA, WAAAAAAAAAAY!!! (nope, tomorrow will be just the same as today, sorry)

Anonymous said...

I just believe that you are one dang strong person - to be having these feeling (which are entirely normal), and not to do something drastic that could have a negative affect on your family's mental health. You seem like a strong person for even posting something like this in a open blog.

I have been following your blog for about a year now and I enjoy reading the "real-life" you speak of.

Thanks for writing.

Daniela V.

I forgot to add my name to your photo shoot blog comment.

Kirsten said...

THAT'S WHY WE'RE FRIENDS!!! I AM POSTING BOTH YOU AND LAURA'S COMMENTS ON MY BLOG, AND THEN I AM GOING TO ADD TO IT!!! THE WHOLE PHONE THING...I WISH I COULD THROW MINE OVER THE MOUNTAIN AND BE LEFT ALONE FOR A YEAR! CALL ME!

E/S MILLER said...

Celeste, A resounding "yes" to all you mentioned. However, see these feelings for what they really are -- the "lemons" of our mortality -- designed for us to make lemonade out of the whole bunch. Considering who we really are, and what we expect to receive in the end, I think the effort to make the lemonade is going to be worth it!!! Mom

Chris and Amy Jackson said...

Yes....all the time.