endure to the end?? HA!!

I know I suck at regularly posting, in fact I've also been meaning to really improve my writing on this thing. Most of the time it's just a boring play-by-play of what we've been doing with no character at all, and I really need to do better. Reading Kirsten & Kierstin's blogs makes me smile & laugh and feel part of something bigger than myself, like I'm a part of some vast, enormous Mommy-Army marching on to victory. I really can do a better job with my writing, I used to be quite a good writer in high school. So anyway, I shall do better both with my quanity of posts and quality.

I have felt so stinking close to Matt lately. We recently went through what we have decided was our hardest struggle so far in our marriage (5 years at the end of the year, baby!) and I'm so glad that we were able to come through it stronger and more solid than before. If we can keep that trend up, by the time we die, we'll probably be fused together or something. Maybe that's what this whole thing is all about. I used to think that once you got through adolescence and got married in the temple, that life would magically get easier, that Satan would let up on you and you could just start enduring to the end. I know that's stupid, but I really have been surprised at how challenging marriage is and how hard we have to work at staying close and not letting stupid little crappy distractions get embedded in your marital makeup.

I've never been very disciplined at all. If I want to do something I tend to endulge myself and look at it as being true to myself or my feelings. Now that might work for some small decisions, but when you're married and starting a family, the concequences begin to affect more than just yourself. (I know that this probably doesn't strike anyone else as an epifany.) I am only now begining to really be able to discipline myself. Like last night. There was something that I could have chosen to do, probably wouldn't have been a huge deal, but could have lead to some serious backtracking in progress that I have made, and I am a little proud of myself for chosing to get as far away from that temptation as possible. And now today, I don't have to deal with the feeling that I shouldn't have done that. Today I don't have to start working my way back to good again, and it feels FANTASTIC!!! So yeah, me! Of course now I guess I have to start being less prideful, huh? :)

Sawyer just has been turning two more and more each day. Yesterday she was a bit "violent" at the gym daycare. I guess she was running around punching and slapping everyone totally unprovoked, just for kicks. Then she decided that spitting at mommy would be a good plan. And seatbelts? She don't need no stinkin' seatbelts! She has also learned that momma has a weakness for a hungry kid. When we start putting her to bed, she will lean toward the kitchen and scream "hungee, hungee, food, food!" It is absolutley awful. There are some nights that I doubt she actually got enough to eat at dinner and I give in, but when I know she's full, it sucks to hear her crying and making little lipsmaking noises. Don't report me to social services okay?

Yesterday I took my parents to the airport to leave for their second mission. I'm going to miss them so much this time around, having Sawyer has changed me so much and has also changed my relationship with them, especially my mom. I really feel like I am finally able to be myself around her without being afraid to offend her delicate sweet nature. That feels really, really good. Granted, just her presence makes me try to be so much better of a person, but I feel more relaxed. One thing lately that has really made me feel this is when I told her about the possibility of meeting 311. I saw her a few hours after Jim at the gym told me that he was their tour manager, and I was so pumped and wanted to tell everyone, so I told her, just thinking that she would get "that look" and tell me to be careful or something. But she wasn't like that at all! She was so pumped for me, I still have her face memorized, it was like Elaine from Seinfeld when she says "SHUT UP!!" and shoves people. It was seriously better than my news itself. It just made me feel so loved and accepted, I cannot even tell you. That was seriously my favorite memory with my mom, bar none. Well, I need to go do my dishes and shower so that I can read some more Twilight. I'm a little late on the bandwagon, but, my goodness, am I on the bandwagon! This is literally the most addicting book I have ever read! I had to go out and buy New Moon because I was afraid I would finish Twilight on Sunday and not be able to start New Moon until Monday. Heaven forbid that I would have to go without Edward for more than a few hours! This is my parents and I at the airport yesterday, aren't they cuties?

a cute little marriage quiz

ABOUT US...
What is his name? Matthew Thomas Davis
How long have you been together? Married nearly 5 years
How long did you date? a year
Who's older? Matt is by a 3 months
Who eats more? Matt
Who said I love you first? I did, shoulda waited, but I was going to explode.
Who is taller? Matt, unless I have heels on.
Who sings better? It's about sixes honestly.
Whose temper is worse? Definately me. I have a problem. We've been working on it.
Who does the laundry? Me, I'm too anal about folding to let anyone else.
Who does the dishes? Again, I'm too anal about how it gets done, gotta lighten up
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? your right or my right? I sleep closest to the door.
Who pays the bills? I do, that's the accountant coming out.
Who mows the lawn? Matt.
Who cooks dinner? I do, but Matt is quite a good cook as well.
Who drives when you are together ? Matt because I don't like him to tell me everything I'm doing wrong.
Who is more stubborn? Me....for sure!
Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Matt, I am too prideful, but he is helping me.
Whose parents do you see the most? It was pretty even, but now that my parents are in Taiwan, probably Susie wins.
Who kissed who first? I did, again I felt like I was going to explode. But I really should have held out for a better kiss with more anticipation.
Who asked who out? Matt hit on me when I was working at J Crew, he gave me butterflies and they have yet to go away. If you haven't heard the whole story yet, ask me cuz it's cute.
Who proposed? Matt did, but we both knew it was inevitable after like the first week of knowing each other.
Who is more sensitive? My hormonal ass.
Who has more friends? Matt knows a lot of people, and has some very good high school friends but I have a very close group of very good friends. We hang out with his friends and mine about evenly though.
Who has more siblings? We are both the babies of large families, mine is obsenley large and his is just plain large. I have six siblings and he has five, but I have about 8 times as many neices & nephews.

good to be home

Due to some awesome communication skills, Matt & I went on separate vacations this weekend. He had made plans to go down to St. George with the Georges, and I had Erika & Greg's wedding and cake as well as my neice Shari's pageant in Idaho, so I went North and he went South. Which actually was okay because every once in a while we like to have a chance to really miss each other. The cake turned out beautifully, (go look at it here) and Erika was a beautiful bride, I'm really so proud of her, what a babe. Then on Saturday, Sawyer and I went on a bit of a shopping spree, I got some jeans, a dress, a shirt and a pair of shoes that deserve their very own post, which will come later. Then we headed up to Idaho which was a lovely drive and went to Shari's pageant, which she totally rocked, and took first runner up. Her talent was absolutley flawless. She sang a song from Beauty & the Beast and accompanied herself on the piano. What a set of pipes that girl has. I'm so proud of how all my neices and nephews are turning out, they are really my heroes. Sawyer and I attempted to sleep in the same bed last night, I was too lazy to go out and get her port-a-crib at midnight, and I figured it couldn't be too bad, it was a king size bed, right? But no, Sawyer wanted to hold my hand all night, so no matter what I couldn't get comfy, and at one point in time she was on the floor, I don't know how it happened, but I found her and pulled her up on my chest like she used to sleep when she was just a newborn and we slept like that for a while, it was pretty nice, although did not make for a very restful evening. We went to church with Mandy & Ron and JJ was ordained a teacher and then Ron made a freaking amazing mongolian bbq dinner for everyone. I did not want want to leave at all. I don't get to spend nearly enough time with my cool family. They are crazy & sometimes they drive me crazy, but they are also so wonderful and fun and supportive in all the things that matter that it really makes me feel incredibly lucky to be a Miller.

that thong-tha-thong-thong-thong

Today while I was doing the eternally never-ending laundry Sawyer decided to help me. She would take random peices of clothing and "put them away" in her drawers. Very helpful. Then she stumbled upon what she thought was one of her cute little head scarf/bandana thingys. Yeah, no, it's a thong. I was laughing my head off. She has started being really aware of having her picture taken. She'll pose and ask for more and really ham it up when I get the camera out. What a goofy girl. Here is Sawyer eating lunch, she started dancing around in her chair and I had to capture it, and of course she started to be even more weird once the camera started shooting.

6 is lots when it's kids

Matt's sister Becky occasionally has us babysit while she and her husband, Craig go on trips. So while they were in Europe for the last ten days that's where we've been. It would seem like it would be a really hard thing to go from 1 kid to 6 in a second, but it actually wasn't really bad. I think that probably has something to do with the fact that they've already done such a great job of raising these kids, they really are awesome kids, so it wasn't too bad at all. They are just always going, going, going. To football or basketball or soccer or dance or choir concerts or volleyball or birthday parties etc.... it was a madhouse. I have never watched so much ESPN or Fresh Prince of Bel Aire (yes it's still on, and yes, I guess kids still love it) or Drake & Josh (surprisingly funny). It is lulling me into a false sense of thinking that more than our planned three kids wouldn't be that tough. Sawyer loved it though, having kids to entertain her all the time, but we were all ready to be home in our little house and get back to our normal schedule. I think that the one most relieved to be home was Charlie though, as she was only allowed inside the house for bedtime, due to a severe (and sad) dog aversion at the Parry house. I just think that pets are so good for children and adults as well. The love that I feel for Charlie is pretty close to the kind of love you can have for a child I think, because they just need you so much and no matter how much you screw up or whatever, they still think you are awesome and love your guts out. She makes me happy when skies are grey. la la la. Anyway, it was good, but I am happy to be home. This movie is kinda dumb, I was trying to record this laugh Sawyer was doing when Coco was licking her face, and she never did it. Her hair is a bit wacky, she had just woken up.

i heart billy corgan

So last Friday my favorite cohort in concert crime, a Miss Jenny Rossi, and I went to the Smashing Pumpkins concert at the McKay Center in Orem. I am forever changed. It was ridiculous. I cannot even explain how amazing that show was. Let's just say that Billy Corgan is an absolute rock god. It was like watching someone that was born for just one purpose do that thing at their absolute peak. Oh, and you have always wanted to see them and you NEVER thought it was possible. I can't even put my finger on what was so awesome. Throughout the night I kept realizing that I was just standing there with my mouth agape in amazement. It was absolutely flawless from the opening band (The Bravery; impossible to stand still, fantastic band) to the cool as hell lighting rig to the rad circa 1980s guitar-style synthesizer to the acoustic Billy only bit (freaking amazing) it was all in all a freaking amazing show. That is the only thing I can think to say, freaking amazing. They played Muzzle and an amazing new version of Adore with this hard heavy rad beat. At one point everyone else left the stage and let Billy just rock out an acoustic set that was ridiculous. There is no point in even writing this post because there is no possible way to express how mind blowing this concert was. I'm done trying.