You say it's your birthday? It's my birthday too!

At 11:47 tonight I will officially turn 30. The Big 3-0. I've decided that thirty feels freeing. I think in your twenties there is a lot of pleasing other people, figuring out who you came here to be, what's important to you, you know, stuff like that. And now I'm pretty settled in those things & just want to move forward, progress & care less about what others think & more about what my Heavenly Father thinks. It feels good.
Yesterday Cyd, Matt, Sawyer, Abram & I went to breakie at The Original Pancake House. That place makes me happy.


Freaking yum. Having a family of five makes me happy. Cydney has been such a joy to have with us. After breakfast Cyd & Abram accompanied me to my hair appointment where my hair was throughly sexified by Elizabeth. Then we met back up with Matt & Sawyer and browsed the Nordstrom Rack. Got me some Meks. Yay for hot, long jeans! Then my cute boyfriend Matt took Mr Abram & I to the Melting Pot for dinner. Our waiter was awesome, our food was awesome, my hair & outfit were awesome, and I wouldn't have changed a thing about the entire day. Bliss. It was such a gorgeous night, we just drove around with the windows down & chatted. Then we went to Target & wandered the aisles, one of my favorite things to do. Once we got home & got kids to bed we tried to watch a movie called The Invention of Lying, but fell asleep halfway through, due to no fault of the movie, believe me. It is hilarious, and we'll try it again tonight, maybe start it before eleven, we are 30 now after all and can't be expected to stay awake through an entire motion picture. This morning I treated myself to one of these:


then my parents came to bring me a gift & flowers & a card. They are so sweet & make such a huge effort to show their love.
I'm such a lucky girl. Sawyer has been making good on her promise to not whine for my birthday. She's such a good gifter.
Anyway, I didn't intend for this post to be a play-by-play of my birthday celebrations. Rather I just feel so blessed at this time in my life & wanted to document how I feel at 30. There are so many things I never thought I'd do that I've done, experiences that have shaped my life that I'd never have sought out for myself. It's funny how God has other plans that bring more joy than we ever could have imagined with all our scheming.
Never thought I'd get married so young
Never thought I'd get divorced
Never thought I'd do accounting during most of my working years
Never thought I'd get to go to France during spring break
Never thought I'd graduate from college (not that I didn't want to, it's just that after getting divorced & whatnot, it just didn't seem in the cards)
Never thought I'd be able to go to so many great concerts & travel to so many amazing places
Never thought I'd still be friends with the pack of dorks I met at the bus stop in the first day of Jr High (I thank God for them everyday)
Never, ever, ever thought I'd do a pageant
Never even remotely wanted to do a drug-free birth
Never thought I'd be a wedding caker (although I think I'm about done, not worth the drama)

These are all things that have enriched my life, introduced me to amazing friends, or taught me remarkable lessons. I used to be a very regular Reader's Digest reader. When I was probably 11 or 12 I ripped a little story out of one that I've saved ever since. It describes a boy who had a dream of how he wanted his life to go. How many kids & what each would be like, what his wife would look like, his career, home, every detail was mapped out, he planned & made goals to achieve everything, then he told God about his plan. God said "that sounds like a nice plan, I want you to be happy." So the man went about his life just certain that it all would work out like he wanted. He goes about his life & then one day he remembered his dream & became very sad. He spoke to his wife, his pastor, his friends, his accountant, anyone who would listen, trying to understand why things didn't work out like he'd wanted. Then one night he pours his heart out to God telling him how disappointed he is that He didn't help him out with his dream "why didn't you give me the things I wanted?" God replies "why didn't you give me what I wanted?". It had never occurred to the man that God was in want of anything. "I wanted you to be happy" God said. God then points out the beautiful life that He had provided for the man, things that far exceeded the dream that the man had for himself. So the man decides to enjoy & rejoice in the life he has & in the fact that God had tailor made it for him with his knowledge of what would really make the man happy.
I love that story. It's so simply written & a beautiful reminder of the fact that we always do better when we place our trust in him & his love for us.
I'm so grateful that He knows me better, that He forgives me better & loves me better than I'll ever know.
Here's to another decade of trying to remember that better.

- Posted from my iPhone

Please bless her be happy

Most times she prays, Sawyer prays for "Charlie at her new house." Depending on the hormonal cocktail coursing through my veins at the time, it may or may not make me tear up a bit. Today was a bit more detailed & I didn't stand a chance.
..."and please bless Carlie at her new house. That she will be healfee & skrong and that her new family will throw tennis balls for her to case and that she can have yummy food to eat at dinner with her new family. Bless that she can jump up on dem beds to sleep at night & not make anyone be itchy. Please help them to put necklaces on her so her can be pretty. Help her to not miss us too much or be sad. And please bless the food. Amen."
Damn I miss that dog. I'm glad that we are keeping her memory alive. That we are remembering that once our lives were graced by a kind loving soul that changed us all for the better. I'm grateful that Sawyer realizes that there was something special about her & that we were lucky to have had her as long as we did. But it kills me that Abram won't know her. Boys need dogs & my little dude will miss out on the best dog ever.
Plus she's super shiny.


- Posted from my iPhone

This guy right here

is going to be totally blowing my mind in T minus 31 days. Because this right here-playing his amazing music, live, in person, big tall, lerpy, uber-talented person, is what God in his great goodness put him on this beautiful earth to do. We all dream about finding our "thing", that one thing in this life that we are meant to do, right? Well Billy Corgan has found his, and I'm just lucky enough to be privy to it for the second time on September 17th. You see, when The Smashing Pumpkins broke up, you know after completely singlehandedly inventing "alternative" music (....okay, they had some help from Pearl Jam...) I thought I'd never, ever be able to see one of my all time favorite bands perform, a thought that sucked more than I can tell you. Then he formed the hugely underrated Zwan, who very quickly also broke up.

And I was sad.

I felt like I did the day Michael Jackson died, well, worse because as awesome as Michael Jackson was, none of his amazing stuff touched me like this does, or this, or this. Plus, I still suspect him to be a child-molester. Anyway, one day Billy swallowed a big, gigantic ball of pride & put out an ad in two major Chicago newspapers asking his band to reunite.
And they did.
And now I get to see them again, and I cannot stop thinking about it.

But today guess who blew my mind. This girl right here-Because she is unbelievably awesome. It was the first day of her second year of preschool today. This year we are going to Bravo Arts Academy & are very excited about it.
Another thing we are excited about is this guy right here- I don't think I need to tell you why.

Bountiful Reverse Sprint Triathlon

I signed Matt & I up for a triathlon just before I had Abram in the hopes that it would be awesome motivation for getting back in shape. It was great motivation, but I wouldn't say that I did much about it, I only swam twice & not once did I run outside or bike like I'd intended. The idea of getting any less sleep than I was with a new baby was probably the problem.
Matt & I had a great time on the run talking & it was literally the most time we were able to spend together all week. We jogged pretty steady to whole first half, Matt dealing with his freaky itchy-when-he-sweats skin problem, then I kinda slowed to a speedy speed-walk while he jogged next to me for the rest of it.


Then came the bike portion, which I was totally freaked out by because I hate having those my feet clipped into those damn road bikes, scares me out of my mind. But Matt calmly talked to through each mount, dismount, shift & turn, literally telling me step by step how to not die, crash or otherwise embarrass myself. He's so awesome. There was a chic on the side of the road, looked like she was just finishing up changing a flat, Matt stopped to help her. Yeah. In a race. My husband. There was a 10 year old kid that Matt befriended during the run, who was looking like he was having serious regrets about signing up for this, so Matt just started chatting him up & encouraging him, it was awesome to be reminded of what an amazing human being I am fortunate enough to be married to.





Then we swam. Swimming isn't really conducive to having a heart to heart, so Matt surged ahead & beat my swim time by like 3 minutes.


Other than that we pretty much just stuck together & had a great time. Susie came out & cheered us on at each stage, and my parents had slept over to take care of the kids & bring them down to watch the last bit. It was great to see them. We are so fortunate to have such fantastic supportive & loving families.
As it turns out I actually took second in my division, the venerable "Filly" class for women over 150 pounds. Gooooo me! My final time was 1:32, way beating my goal of 1:46! Run (3 miles) was 33:32, bike (10 miles) was 40:45, and swim (350 yards) was 12:12. Not too bad for not training or really trying. The thing that killed me was the first transition-it took us a full 5 minutes to get from run to bike.
I think that this'll be an annual event for us, it was really fun. Then I had a nap while Matt took the kids to Sizzler, then massages for Matt & I both. Deeelightful day. I'm only sore from the bike seat and Matt is sore all over, so I win. Right?


- Posted from my iPhone

Lagoon....finally

Sawyer has been dying all summer to go to Lagoon. Generally speaking, Matt & I would rather die than go to Lagoon. Well one of Matt's clients gave us free tickets Saturday, so we went, and it was (surprisingly) a very pleasant family day! The weather cooperated quite nicely, it was not too hot and even a bit rainy in spots, which was nice. Abram loves being outside & Sawyer just loves everything, so we had so much fun. I think Abram thrives amist chaos, he got all his naps just chillin' in his car seat & was super happy all day. Sawyer wasn't as adventurous as she was at Disney World, I think being able to see the entire ride from the line doesn't help. She stuck pretty much to the kiddie rides & the lazy river.



Check out how awesome she looks running through the water fountain though. She looks like a freaking triathlete! I can only hope I look this legit on Saturday.


Matt nearly had to be escorted from the park because he was dominating the games too much. At least that's what he thought. Sawyer came home with four more stuffed animals to add to her gigantic hoard.


- Posted from my iPhone

we've had this song on repeat for the last three months

Literally. Any time Abram is fussy in the car we turn this on & he gets all quiet & serious & quickly falls asleep. It's a bit bizarre. I'm thinking that Abram is going to be my music boy. Sawyer doesn't even like music, at least that's what she says. But this dude pays attention & seems to be interested in whatever we're listening to. It'll be interesting to see if that is a sign on things to come. Although it might be a bit sad if he's a 6'5" 240 pound saxaphone player, but perhaps he could be the next Billy Corgan, that dude is tall. Pretty lerpy, but tall. Speaking of Billy Corgan, guess who is coming to In The Venue on September 17th? Yup. My very least favorite venue, but the very best live band I've ever seen in my entire concert loving life! I'm soooo excited!

Back to the issue at hand.
The purpose of this post is to remind me of how obsessed Abram is with this song.....

The nice thing is that it still hasn't gotten old. It's just background noise that you don't even think about but it makes everyone calm. And please forgive the Twilight picture. It was the only video of this song that didn't include a slideshow of Robert Pattison/Edward Cullen in various states of undress.

Yay for my uterus!!

So as I mentioned earlier, somehow the Ogden Standard-Examiner decided that they should do an article on Hypnobirthing & that I was just the person to interview for it. I was so worried that I'd come out sounding either A)like a hippie or B) like some jerk of a mom that thinks she's better than everyone else because she popped a baby out without drugs. I am grateful that it did neither.

I hope.

Tell me if it does.

I don't think it did....

Here it is anyway.

Anyway, I was stoked to help other mamas realize that you do have options, and that you should look into them. I wouldn't change a thing about Abram's birth, even with the Pitocin, it was all very do-able. I was kind of disappointed that they didn't use more of Jessica's amazing pictures, they are pretty much a work of art.

Speaking of Jessica, she recently had her own little work of art. Last Thursday she gave birth to a gorgeous little girlie that I am going to insist on calling Lulu. I'm working on writing up a betrothal contract to reserve her for Abram. He can thank me later when he gets to munch on his wife's delicious lips.