I've been trying not to just be a huge whiner on here lately. I feel like I have to try hard to not just say "homelessness sucks" over and over and over. There are so many good things about this situation, but honestly, you have no idea how much we all take our homes, our very own homes for granted. I for one get a lot of my own personal sense of accomplishment from doing things around my house, things that can't really be done at someone else's. I have been trying to continue working out, working on my garden, keeping up our normal lives & schedules, but it just feels fake.
Yesterday I had a minor breakdown. I just feel so overwhelmed with decisions and at the same time feel completely in limbo and at the SAME time feel completely overbooked. Seriously, it's been from miscarriage to wedding cake to San Diego to flooding to moving into Susie's to my parent's homecoming and my nephew's wedding with all manner of family in town to photo sesh to cabin trip to making nephew's wedding cake to cake consultations to driving to Idaho tomorrow (with a cake!) then other nephew's priesthood ordinations to driving home to picking up my BFF's dog to watch for a week then up to the cabin to relax which I will undoubtedly not be able to do because I will be thinking about all the crap going on at my house & the fact that I should NOT be up at the cabin when my house needs decisions made if we ever want to move back in. (holy run on sentence, Batman!) And the dog. Don't even get me started on that issue. She was what put me over the edge yesterday, just contemplating a life without my Charlie. Don't worry, it's not happening, but for a minute there, I couldn't see any way around it. But this all may have something to do with the fact that I haven't been taking my happy pills because I am petrified that they are what is causing me to miscarry. (despite the fact that my doctor assures me that they are not.) But the honest truth is this: I can't really do it right now without Prozac. I can admit that. The few days that I wasn't taking them (because the amount of exhausted I was lead me to believe that I might be preggers) I had some icky fights with myself, my husband & Sawyer. The fact that I haven't been making it to the gym this week doesn't help. AT ALL. I need those happy little endorphins that I get from working up a sweat. I need that hour of vacant brain time, where my mind shuts the hell up and I get to listen to my muscles scream instead. Anyway, things are a bit rough around the edges right now, but they will smooth out. Reading NieNie never hurts to put things into perspective.
So now I will reward the one or two of you who have made it this far with some belated pics of Sawyer & I's trip to San Diego, of the damn flood and of things that make me happy.
You don't know joy until you see Sawyer at the beach. No joke.
This literally was one of the best days of my life. Ever. Just me & my girl cruisin' the Pacific Coast Highway and stopping whenever we wanted for whatever we wanted. B.L.I.S.S.
The only thing that could have made it better is if Daddy would have been able to be with us. Regardless, that trip was just what I needed.
We probably walked two miles to get to this park only to find it in disrepair and closed. Sad.
On our last day, we had some time to kill & decided to spend it at the "castle temple" just snuggling in the grass & watching brides & bridal parties.
This is what that whole week felt like to me. Just contentment. Thank you, baby girl for a wonderful time. Thank you, Daddy for letting encouraging us to go (and footing the bill).
And you know what is even better? This wasn't even half of the fun we had! The first part of the week was with Jessica & Max & all their Cali buddies; who are now our buddies as well. But when I'm with Jess, I don't dare take pictures because she'll make fun of me for using my flash & being so dumb with my amazing camera, so you'll have to go here to see all that.
And now for pictures of the flood damage. Are you ready? Please remember that we just finished the basement like fourteen minutes before this happened.All our shish in the garage thanks to our amazing neighbors.The beautiful Mammoth sofa. Dead.The sad, sad state of our drywall.
Anyway, most of that is fixed now, we just need to clean out all the cabinets so they can be ripped out upstairs and get the carpet/laminate guy scheduled, then the new cabinets can go in & then we can go back in! Yay! Here are other things that made me say Yay lately.
Mom & Dad coming home!
My peony bush deciding to give it another go this year!!!The tree I planed last year that surprises us with a new shade of pink each season.And these two.But not these. Yucky. Never go there again. hard as rocks cupcakes es no bueno.OH! And Monday night was pretty good too. But Lola blogs about it better than I ever could, so do a little clicky-click HERE to see.