I have a headache.

Matt has been in St. George since Tuesday. We are missing him allhahahahot this time. Due to poor communication on my part, I had previously committed to watching my friend Kierstin's kids Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, so it just turned into a guys golf trip instead. So I've been a mom of four this week, plus the turdy little quarantined dog, so technically five. I tell you what, there's a reason that typically people only have one child at a time, jumping from one to four is no joke. Plus, when they're perfectionist Swedish supermodel Kierstin's kids, you spend the entire time feeling 100% incompetent. I'm sure all kids do this, but I got a leeeettle sick of hearing "that's not how my mom does it..." or "you're doing it wrong". Kierst, please don't be offended, I'm not bagging on your kids, they were awesome, it is just a testament to how much they like you.
But it got me thinking about how interesting it is that we (not meaning Kierstin & I, meaning people who read this & fit my description.) all have basically the same choices in life, in this little suburban Utah life. Even with all the similarities that our race, religion, age, sex, geographic location, upbringing, etc etc etc; even with all that being largely the same, how people can live such different lives, make such different choices about how they use their time, spend their money, etc. I have a new appreciation for my own bed, my own systems of organization, my own neighborhood, my own toilet even. And a HUGE appreciation for what was once my dog. I am making a Thanksgiving resolution to shift my focus from what I want to buy, accomplish, do or pay off and just focus on the little details of my life that make it mine. Especially this kid of mine. I'm cherishing every moment that she's got left of being my only child. I feel almost grateful for the miscarriages, it's been so wonderful to have a bit more time with just her than I planned in my best laid plans. I hope we've built a strong, solid foundation of trust & respect & love, one that we can fall back on when she hates me or needs me or when life kicks her down a flight of concrete stairs. As Kierstin, Swedish supermommy herself once said, "I don't want to be their friend, my kids will have a million friends in their lifetime, I just want to be the best mom for them." I may be botching that quote, don't quote me, but that's how I remember it. I wish was all eloquent like my friend Ashley. Read this beautiful tear-jerker on motherhood. I love Ashley.
Today Sawyer & I had a "girl day". That's what we call it when we go on a special little outing of some sort just by ourselves. I try super hard to not be on the phone & to just listen to her & just do whatever the heck she wants. (on a side-note: it's amazing how on days like that we have zero discipline problems. It makes me think that perhaps I am the problem. huh.) Anyway today we rode the "bus-train" (ie the FrontRunner) down to the Gateway, did a bit of shopping, visited the Planetarium, saw a cool bug movie in IMAX, shopped a bit more, did the bookstore thing, dinner at Costa Vida, and even pedicures! It was very, very fun! We are both pretty pooped though. Tomorrow we are having a stay at home day. Let's just say that I still have serving dishes soaking in my sink from Sawyer's primo birthday party on Monday. ewww. I will post about that later though because my eyes hurt & they are taking it out on my frontal lobe. Goodnight.