Wednesday, July 16, 2008

this too shall pass. (just wish I could fast forward)

How can I miss someone so bad that I never got a chance to meet? How could so much anticipation and love have been all tied up in something the size of a raspberry? Today was one of the most disappointing days of my life, and I never want to go through this again. I am so grateful to my dear, sweet mother-in-law, who was completely there for me. An unlikely source for just exactly the "girl" I needed. Sometimes you just need a girl, you know? And she is my girl. Sawyer is also my girl and her presence today was literally a God-send. Caring for her not only takes my mind of my big empty cave of a uterus, but also makes me realize that yes, this pain is worth it. Today she summed it all up when I told her that the baby in momma's tummy wasn't there anymore. She was a bit sad for a minute & kinda hung her head until a big smile came across her face & she said brightly "get another one!" Okay girl, we will, but give me a minute.
Melissa's comment reminded me that I never got to post any of the miriad of these pictures I took the day we found out. I tried to keep this on the DL for a while. We bought the David Bowie shirt in Seattle for the kid when it was just a hope that I might be pregnant. One day David will have a little body to be worn by. One day.

18 comments:

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry Celeste.
I'm so sorry.
I keep all my pregnancy tests. So I have the one with Masaru and Yuki that I peed on right.
I also have a third one.
About a year ago I was cleaning out the draw and found it and burst into tears.
I felt like I moron and I'm not saying I know how you're feeling but I can relate to loving something you haven't even met that's only the size of a rasberry!
Again, I'm truely sorry.

schmath said...

That sucks bad! I'm sorry.

Alana said...

I'm really really sorry Celeste. Really sorry. Hope you're doing okay.

AndersonFamily said...

I love you!!! i hope you know that. i am so so sorry!! i know how very bad that stinks!! lets get prego at the same time this time ok :) thats something that is a definite work in progress for us also. i hope you are doing ok and we will keep you in our prayers!!!

The Neilson Family said...

I love you and I love Sawyer and I also started loving that little bean you had for a little while. His precious little spirit must still be getting ready for this big wide world. I'm sure nothing I can say will ever make you feel better, but oh how I wish I could. Gosh, I'm just sitting here. Next time I see you, be prepared for a big fat hug. I just want to cry but know Heavenly Father is going to bless you with many more. Mwah.

Kierstin said...

I love your guts... you know that ;)

Esther Dodge said...

Oh man! I didn't even know you pregnant! How far along did this pregnancy get?
My best wishesh "getting another one!"

Lyndsay Wilding said...

I am so sorry...hope you are doing well

Jana said...

You are beautiful and amazing and strong. I'll be thinking of you.

Kierstin said...

actually, I'm not rereading the Peacegiver, my shelfari list on my blog shows books that I've already read. I'm not super excited to reread that one... maybe when I'm bored some day...

kelli said...

I am so sorry.

Jessica Kettle said...

celeste I am so sorry that you have to go through this! It's just not fair, is it? Just know that we have been thinking about you a lot lately and that your family is in our prayers. When the time is right, we know Matt Jr. will look like a total stud in his Bowie shirt! It will happen. =) Love ya.

HeartStrings said...

k you are seriously the BEST ever!!! thank you so much for adding a link to my site and EVEN more for checking it out!! ps i lovr tim and annie's cake! you just get better and better at that! you amaze me! i have to tell you that i enjoy more and more each day the relationship we are developing! you are great i really look up to you. thanks for being a good example.

WowsRose said...

Oh dear, I'm so sorry Celeste.

Your post made me cry.

I pray that the Lord eases the pain and blesses you again soon. That Sawyer - she sounds wise beyond her years and a total sweet heart!

markandaubrey said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. I love what Sawyer said, so sweet!

Dugovic Domain said...

You are the most incredible writer. Wow. I hope you know how much your writing (and SHARING) helps others (myself being VERY much included). Love you.

Zach and Erika said...

I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing ok!

birdonthelawn said...

my heart just sunk reading this and getting all caught up. i hope your heart is healing well.