Monday, January 29, 2007

having some doubts

arrrggghh, today is hard. I have been so stoked about this pageant, and I knew this would happen, but my enthusiasim is waning today. It's gonna be a lot of work. Finding sponsors, getting out there and asking people for money. Finding a dress that works for me. Coming up with a platform that is consice and that I am passionate about, and that is actually something that, should I win Mrs. Utah, I could really do some good with. I am having all these feelings like "I don't have anything to contribute, why would anyone want to take advice from or look to me for help?" I don't feel like I have the people skills to win anyone over, whether it's the judges or potential sponsors. This really sucks. I am not usually like this. That orientation on Saturday was really great, I left feeling pumped and part of something bigger and excited about meeting new girlfriends and growing. It almost felt like a testimony meeting or something, each of the directors and the current Mrs. Utah (who I met for the first time finally and absolutley love) all spoke about how much the pageant had changed them and how much they loved it, and were able to use it as a springboard to get their various platforms the attention that they need. I really feel like this is something I need to do, it's so much more than just pretty girls trying to be prettier than the next. arrrgghhh I wish I could dredge up my motivation again, and get going on this. I WILL NOT let this be another item on my list of stuff I wish I had stuck with. Speaking of sticking with things, Sawyer is sticking to her no afternoon nap petition, I'd better go get her up.

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