Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 10

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.

Geez Louise! This one is lame. I'm not doing it. It's my blog, durnit!

But I do need to write. I don't know any other way to say it, and I'm sure it's just because Matt AND Cydney were out of town this weekend, and my kiddos are sick, and therefore I haven't been able to go work out and now I have cabin fever, but I sure feel super crappy lately. Unmotivated & lonely mostly. I had that one really, really good day this week, but other than that its kinda been an emotional suck-fest on my part. bluh.
How do you stay in touch with friends when your lives are so dominated by the needs of small people? And you know what? Sometimes (this just happened to me on Friday) even when the stars all align & I'm able to spend time with friends, I feel weirdly isolated even while I'm with them. Like I'm not all the way there. I hate it. It just makes me want to go back to bed & wake up in a different stage of my life.

Sheesh, Miller, might need to up the dosage!

I've been feeling like this around my in-laws too. Bad. They all live like 2 miles from each other. Actually, it's probably less than that, I'm not even kidding. I just feel really out of it, like living "clear" out here in Layton, I miss out on stuff or something. I say "I" because Matt works in Bountiful & so he can make it to a lot more stuff, people just swing by his office all the time. But it's a really close family & I feel like I'm the obnoxious kid sister trying to jump into conversations & stuff. It's not their fault, they are awesome, every single one, it's just a mix of the distance & the stages my kids are at. Probably exasperated by the fact that Matt rarely remembers to tell me stuff that's going on. It's like he's my lifeline to the outside world & sometimes we are so busy that that lifeline is just not sufficient.
I'm probably dropping the ball on my end and stupidly wondering why I'm out of the loop. Anyway it's been a drag & I just needed to vent. Things will get better.
Stupid fricken January.


Melissa said...

That's the reason I had a breakdown Christmas Eve.
All my family were together except me and I lost it.
I hope things get better.

Kierstin said...

Celeste! Oh, I'm sorry my friend. I have your awesome birthday present and I will come bring it to you and visit with my three crazy children... yes? I'm sorry you've been feeling isolated even while you're around other people... I COMPLETELY know how this feels. It's weird, right? It's like nothing else you can put a finger on so it's hard to 'get over it'. You don't need to up your dosage, you just need to talk to someone and vent and bitch and moan so you don't feel the need to be little miss sunshine all the freakin time. Sometimes it's good to just vent and let it all out. I love you. Call me, no wait, I'll call you. xo

Jen Nelson said...

Oh my gosh!! Seriously how I feel! I hate hate hate winter! Boo January!

I totally felt disconnected last time I was out with girlfriends. It sucked. Its almost impossible to have a decent conversation when you have little ones around! It took Laura and I two days and 3 different phone calls to get caught up! (so. freaking. excited. bytheway!)

Wish you didn't live so far away! I hope you feel better soon!