Day 4

something you have to forgive someone else for

this is going to sound so incredibly petty. i'm rarely embarrassed and kind of an open book (obviously) but i'm really hesitant to post this because it's so stinking materialistic & immature. but it's 30 days of truth & this is the first thing that came to my mind, so i think that is an indication that it is the truth so (deep breath) here we go-

when matt & i were getting married i was really picky about the invitations for some reason. i ordered them on this really nice thick creamy yummy classy heavy weight paper. the font was entirely yummy. i had slaved over how to word everything properly. i had serious insecurities about being the "used goods" divorcee marrying the beautiful perfect amazing Matt Davis. another thing that made my insecurities worse was the fact that we weren't able to get sealed in the temple right away because of my previous sealing to my ex husband. also Matt & I come from shall we say.... different financial backgrounds. because i was all insecure, it mattered to me that this wedding not be tainted at all by the fact that i had been married before. i didn't want to feel like i had to do it smaller or change it in anyway, because after all, it was Matt's first wedding!

unbeknownst (what a stupid word) to me, my mom (dear sweet woman) had taken a regular black pen & written (in her lovely, perfect script) "no gifts, please" at the bottom of all of the invitations that were going to people who had been invited to my wedding to Jared.

i think mostly it hurt my pride & the illusion that i was trying to create that this was just like any regular "first" wedding.

i was so mad.

like super mad.

and now, 8 years later, i can say that i know that logically, etiquette-lly she was right to want to add that little addendum, but i cannot think about it and still not get a little steamed. i guess i just wish she had talked to me about it. i think it would have been better to have had it printed on at the printer. but even that probably would have been a stretch for me, because that would be like admitting that i had been through all this before & that i already posessed a few housekeeping items. i don't know.

i don't think i'm really mad at her anymore, it's not like it affects our relationship, and i don't ever think about it, but when i do, i get super annoyed still.

isn't that stupid?