endure to the end?? HA!!

I know I suck at regularly posting, in fact I've also been meaning to really improve my writing on this thing. Most of the time it's just a boring play-by-play of what we've been doing with no character at all, and I really need to do better. Reading Kirsten & Kierstin's blogs makes me smile & laugh and feel part of something bigger than myself, like I'm a part of some vast, enormous Mommy-Army marching on to victory. I really can do a better job with my writing, I used to be quite a good writer in high school. So anyway, I shall do better both with my quanity of posts and quality.

I have felt so stinking close to Matt lately. We recently went through what we have decided was our hardest struggle so far in our marriage (5 years at the end of the year, baby!) and I'm so glad that we were able to come through it stronger and more solid than before. If we can keep that trend up, by the time we die, we'll probably be fused together or something. Maybe that's what this whole thing is all about. I used to think that once you got through adolescence and got married in the temple, that life would magically get easier, that Satan would let up on you and you could just start enduring to the end. I know that's stupid, but I really have been surprised at how challenging marriage is and how hard we have to work at staying close and not letting stupid little crappy distractions get embedded in your marital makeup.

I've never been very disciplined at all. If I want to do something I tend to endulge myself and look at it as being true to myself or my feelings. Now that might work for some small decisions, but when you're married and starting a family, the concequences begin to affect more than just yourself. (I know that this probably doesn't strike anyone else as an epifany.) I am only now begining to really be able to discipline myself. Like last night. There was something that I could have chosen to do, probably wouldn't have been a huge deal, but could have lead to some serious backtracking in progress that I have made, and I am a little proud of myself for chosing to get as far away from that temptation as possible. And now today, I don't have to deal with the feeling that I shouldn't have done that. Today I don't have to start working my way back to good again, and it feels FANTASTIC!!! So yeah, me! Of course now I guess I have to start being less prideful, huh? :)

Sawyer just has been turning two more and more each day. Yesterday she was a bit "violent" at the gym daycare. I guess she was running around punching and slapping everyone totally unprovoked, just for kicks. Then she decided that spitting at mommy would be a good plan. And seatbelts? She don't need no stinkin' seatbelts! She has also learned that momma has a weakness for a hungry kid. When we start putting her to bed, she will lean toward the kitchen and scream "hungee, hungee, food, food!" It is absolutley awful. There are some nights that I doubt she actually got enough to eat at dinner and I give in, but when I know she's full, it sucks to hear her crying and making little lipsmaking noises. Don't report me to social services okay?

Yesterday I took my parents to the airport to leave for their second mission. I'm going to miss them so much this time around, having Sawyer has changed me so much and has also changed my relationship with them, especially my mom. I really feel like I am finally able to be myself around her without being afraid to offend her delicate sweet nature. That feels really, really good. Granted, just her presence makes me try to be so much better of a person, but I feel more relaxed. One thing lately that has really made me feel this is when I told her about the possibility of meeting 311. I saw her a few hours after Jim at the gym told me that he was their tour manager, and I was so pumped and wanted to tell everyone, so I told her, just thinking that she would get "that look" and tell me to be careful or something. But she wasn't like that at all! She was so pumped for me, I still have her face memorized, it was like Elaine from Seinfeld when she says "SHUT UP!!" and shoves people. It was seriously better than my news itself. It just made me feel so loved and accepted, I cannot even tell you. That was seriously my favorite memory with my mom, bar none. Well, I need to go do my dishes and shower so that I can read some more Twilight. I'm a little late on the bandwagon, but, my goodness, am I on the bandwagon! This is literally the most addicting book I have ever read! I had to go out and buy New Moon because I was afraid I would finish Twilight on Sunday and not be able to start New Moon until Monday. Heaven forbid that I would have to go without Edward for more than a few hours! This is my parents and I at the airport yesterday, aren't they cuties?

a cute little marriage quiz

ABOUT US...
What is his name? Matthew Thomas Davis
How long have you been together? Married nearly 5 years
How long did you date? a year
Who's older? Matt is by a 3 months
Who eats more? Matt
Who said I love you first? I did, shoulda waited, but I was going to explode.
Who is taller? Matt, unless I have heels on.
Who sings better? It's about sixes honestly.
Whose temper is worse? Definately me. I have a problem. We've been working on it.
Who does the laundry? Me, I'm too anal about folding to let anyone else.
Who does the dishes? Again, I'm too anal about how it gets done, gotta lighten up
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? your right or my right? I sleep closest to the door.
Who pays the bills? I do, that's the accountant coming out.
Who mows the lawn? Matt.
Who cooks dinner? I do, but Matt is quite a good cook as well.
Who drives when you are together ? Matt because I don't like him to tell me everything I'm doing wrong.
Who is more stubborn? Me....for sure!
Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Matt, I am too prideful, but he is helping me.
Whose parents do you see the most? It was pretty even, but now that my parents are in Taiwan, probably Susie wins.
Who kissed who first? I did, again I felt like I was going to explode. But I really should have held out for a better kiss with more anticipation.
Who asked who out? Matt hit on me when I was working at J Crew, he gave me butterflies and they have yet to go away. If you haven't heard the whole story yet, ask me cuz it's cute.
Who proposed? Matt did, but we both knew it was inevitable after like the first week of knowing each other.
Who is more sensitive? My hormonal ass.
Who has more friends? Matt knows a lot of people, and has some very good high school friends but I have a very close group of very good friends. We hang out with his friends and mine about evenly though.
Who has more siblings? We are both the babies of large families, mine is obsenley large and his is just plain large. I have six siblings and he has five, but I have about 8 times as many neices & nephews.

good to be home

Due to some awesome communication skills, Matt & I went on separate vacations this weekend. He had made plans to go down to St. George with the Georges, and I had Erika & Greg's wedding and cake as well as my neice Shari's pageant in Idaho, so I went North and he went South. Which actually was okay because every once in a while we like to have a chance to really miss each other. The cake turned out beautifully, (go look at it here) and Erika was a beautiful bride, I'm really so proud of her, what a babe. Then on Saturday, Sawyer and I went on a bit of a shopping spree, I got some jeans, a dress, a shirt and a pair of shoes that deserve their very own post, which will come later. Then we headed up to Idaho which was a lovely drive and went to Shari's pageant, which she totally rocked, and took first runner up. Her talent was absolutley flawless. She sang a song from Beauty & the Beast and accompanied herself on the piano. What a set of pipes that girl has. I'm so proud of how all my neices and nephews are turning out, they are really my heroes. Sawyer and I attempted to sleep in the same bed last night, I was too lazy to go out and get her port-a-crib at midnight, and I figured it couldn't be too bad, it was a king size bed, right? But no, Sawyer wanted to hold my hand all night, so no matter what I couldn't get comfy, and at one point in time she was on the floor, I don't know how it happened, but I found her and pulled her up on my chest like she used to sleep when she was just a newborn and we slept like that for a while, it was pretty nice, although did not make for a very restful evening. We went to church with Mandy & Ron and JJ was ordained a teacher and then Ron made a freaking amazing mongolian bbq dinner for everyone. I did not want want to leave at all. I don't get to spend nearly enough time with my cool family. They are crazy & sometimes they drive me crazy, but they are also so wonderful and fun and supportive in all the things that matter that it really makes me feel incredibly lucky to be a Miller.

that thong-tha-thong-thong-thong

Today while I was doing the eternally never-ending laundry Sawyer decided to help me. She would take random peices of clothing and "put them away" in her drawers. Very helpful. Then she stumbled upon what she thought was one of her cute little head scarf/bandana thingys. Yeah, no, it's a thong. I was laughing my head off. She has started being really aware of having her picture taken. She'll pose and ask for more and really ham it up when I get the camera out. What a goofy girl. Here is Sawyer eating lunch, she started dancing around in her chair and I had to capture it, and of course she started to be even more weird once the camera started shooting.

6 is lots when it's kids

Matt's sister Becky occasionally has us babysit while she and her husband, Craig go on trips. So while they were in Europe for the last ten days that's where we've been. It would seem like it would be a really hard thing to go from 1 kid to 6 in a second, but it actually wasn't really bad. I think that probably has something to do with the fact that they've already done such a great job of raising these kids, they really are awesome kids, so it wasn't too bad at all. They are just always going, going, going. To football or basketball or soccer or dance or choir concerts or volleyball or birthday parties etc.... it was a madhouse. I have never watched so much ESPN or Fresh Prince of Bel Aire (yes it's still on, and yes, I guess kids still love it) or Drake & Josh (surprisingly funny). It is lulling me into a false sense of thinking that more than our planned three kids wouldn't be that tough. Sawyer loved it though, having kids to entertain her all the time, but we were all ready to be home in our little house and get back to our normal schedule. I think that the one most relieved to be home was Charlie though, as she was only allowed inside the house for bedtime, due to a severe (and sad) dog aversion at the Parry house. I just think that pets are so good for children and adults as well. The love that I feel for Charlie is pretty close to the kind of love you can have for a child I think, because they just need you so much and no matter how much you screw up or whatever, they still think you are awesome and love your guts out. She makes me happy when skies are grey. la la la. Anyway, it was good, but I am happy to be home. This movie is kinda dumb, I was trying to record this laugh Sawyer was doing when Coco was licking her face, and she never did it. Her hair is a bit wacky, she had just woken up.

i heart billy corgan

So last Friday my favorite cohort in concert crime, a Miss Jenny Rossi, and I went to the Smashing Pumpkins concert at the McKay Center in Orem. I am forever changed. It was ridiculous. I cannot even explain how amazing that show was. Let's just say that Billy Corgan is an absolute rock god. It was like watching someone that was born for just one purpose do that thing at their absolute peak. Oh, and you have always wanted to see them and you NEVER thought it was possible. I can't even put my finger on what was so awesome. Throughout the night I kept realizing that I was just standing there with my mouth agape in amazement. It was absolutely flawless from the opening band (The Bravery; impossible to stand still, fantastic band) to the cool as hell lighting rig to the rad circa 1980s guitar-style synthesizer to the acoustic Billy only bit (freaking amazing) it was all in all a freaking amazing show. That is the only thing I can think to say, freaking amazing. They played Muzzle and an amazing new version of Adore with this hard heavy rad beat. At one point everyone else left the stage and let Billy just rock out an acoustic set that was ridiculous. There is no point in even writing this post because there is no possible way to express how mind blowing this concert was. I'm done trying.

holycrapholycrapholycrap!

so, back in like 2001, 311 came on the Warped Tour, and when they were in SLC, someone stole their scooters that they were cruising around on. My friend Lindi's dad was a cop working there that day, and he found them and mentioned that his daughter was a big fan and their tour manager, Jim, as a thank you gave him his business card said that next time they were in town to call him and he'd get her back stage. Well, we (Lindi, Liz & I) tried to call him once when we were at a show in Vegas, but I think we waited too late in the night to call, because he never picked up his phone. Anyway, fast forward to today, I'm at the gym, and there is a guy there who always comments on my 311 shirts, today he came up and asked if I had made it to their concert this summer, which of course yes, I saw them twice..blah, blah, blah. Turns out he is the very same Jim tour manager guy. He gives me his business card and says that he's sure "they would like to meet you". FREAKING AWESOME!!!! Can you believe that? I do yoga with 311's tour manager! That is nuts. How rad is that? I was just thinking of all the concerts I've been to since Kyle Kerr introduced me to them in my Junior year after early morning swim practice, trying to tally it up for real, because I think I've been to see them 21 times, but honestly, I'm not sure. So here we go:
#1 August 7, 1997 Wolf Mountatin with Kirsten. Came home early from church history tour with my parents, was totally worth it. One of my shoes came off in the mosh pit and nice boys next to me parted the crowd to help me find it. I am hooked on the positive vibe and the amazing performance. (and SA's silly dance moves)
#2 October 13, 1999 (they only toured down under in 1998) Club DV8 with Liz. Jared had a friend who was going to buy us tickets that was sleeping on the street outside DV8 to get tickets to this amazing tiny club tour, but the cops came just as the ticket office was going to open and kicked people of the street, resulting in no one that had been there all night being able to get tickets. Somewhere in there Jared & I broke up and I started bidding on ebay for tickets in other states as well as bitching about it on their bulletin board. Being the fan appreciating band that they are, everyone who posted a complaint on the bulletin board got an email saying that they were sorry for the way things were handled, and if I would go down to X96, they had a pair of tickets for me, free of charge. In the meantime, I had made other arrangements to see them in Colorado....
#3 October 15, 1999 Aggie Theater, Fort Collins, CO with Greg. Don't ask. Not one of my better moments. But it was the first time I witnessed the beloved drum circle during Applied Science.
#4 December 31, 1999 The Forum, Los Angeles, CA opening for Red Hot Chili Peppers with Jared. Amazing concert, very dumb seats, very dumb boyfriend.
#5 April 1, 2000 Saltaire with Jimmy's Chicken Shack with Jared
#6 June 2, 2000 Saltaire with Incubus and Doug I think, I remember because it was Jared's birthday and we must have been broken up at the time.
#7 October 11, 2000 The Joint at Hard Rock, Las Vegas, NV can't remember who with.
#8 November 20, 2000 Saltaire with Jared location and company both equally stinky.
#9 July 7, 2001 Warped Tour, SLC Fairpark with Todd, also bad company.
#10 (kinda) September 11, 2001, went down to Vegas for the show with Greg, but terrorists had other plans, show rescheduled for...
#10 November 1, 2001 The Joint at Hard Rock, Las Vegas, NV with Liz and Lindi. This is when we tried to call Jim & get backstage, but we did meet Simon Rex from one of our favorite TV shows at the time, Jack & Jill. He was very nice albeit very drunk. It wasn't until later when I learned that he had done gay porn that I regretted shaking his hand.
#11 March 4, 2002 McKay Center in Orem with Hoobastank, my first time dragging Matt along, what a babe.
#12 August 13, 2002 Saltaire with Matt
#13 August 30, 2003 USANA with G. Love & Special Sauce with Matt
#14 June 25, 2004 USANA with The Roots with Matt
#15 August 16, 2007 USANA with Matisyahu with Alicia Warnock
#16 August 29, 2007 Seattle, WA at Marymoor Park with Matt
So apparently I have only seen them 16 times as opposed to my estimated 21. That is much less impressive. I will have to compare this list with my remaining ticket stubs and make sure I haven't overlooked anything.

Finally Well, Seattle, Birthday, Dorothy Died

Well, we got better just in time to take our family trip to Seattle. I have never been more grateful for our usually good health. Oh, and something else that hammered that point home, my awesome friend Kierstin somehow contacted Spinal Meningitis and freaked us all out by spending the weekend in the ER. When I heard she was in the hospital I googled meningitis, and started bawling because it is such a scary thing! I am so glad she is recovering, I love her to pieces, and just wish I could have been around more to help her, she's the type who is kind of hard to help, she's so busy and self-sufficient and can just do everything, I hope this helps her to learn to tone it down a bit, and accept help a bit more. (Kierstin, you'd better be reading this) I love her to pieces. Anyway, this trip started out as me being a brat & demanding to go to the 311 show on my birthday, and it escalated into a week long trip with Susie to the Emerald City. It was is so beautiful there! We really loved it. We flew to Portland on Tuesday night, Sawyer did really well on the plane, then we woke up the next morning and took a beautiful 3 hour Amtrak to Seattle. The hotel couldn't take us to the Amtrak station, so we called a cab who didn't show, and we thought we were going to miss the train until the cab that the hotel called for us came, just in the nick of time. If the train hadn't been running 7 minutes behind we seriously would not have made it, I was so pissed at the first cab company. We went to the Mariners game as soon as we arrived which was hilarious, Susie makes me laugh my freaking head off. Then Matt & I went to the 311 show at Marymoor park, which technically was like next door to our hotel, but it was HUGE, so walking to the show, while fun, was quite a trek. I absolutely HEART 311! Every time I go to a show (that was my 21st) I leave feeling rejuvenated, as corny as that sounds, it's like recharging my batteries. There is such a positive vibe and so many good memories. Jumping up and down with a bunch of strangers who all love 311 like I do, just feels so awesome. I know that Matt will mock me to scorn when he reads this, but that's what I love about it. I LOVE IT! The show with Alicia was way fun too, but we had seats, and I cannot do that ever again, GA is too much fun. Anyway, we also went on this cheesy touristy amphibious duck tour which turned out to be one of the highlights, way fun, Sawyer loved it, until she totally passed out on the way home. We took her back to the EMP and laid her down on the couch in the little kid area, and she slept for another hour while Matt & Susie wandered around a bit longer. That museum was pretty cool too, I never made it to the Science Fiction museum, that nerdyness was all Matt, but it was a really fun day. We shopped & spa-ed and shopped and ate out (gained most of my flu weight back, boo.) Sunday we went to a sacrament meeting and then took off to Bainbridge Island on the ferry. When we left church, Sawyer had a little freak out because she couldn't go to nursery, she's such a funny chick. She loves nursery! As soon as the closing song starts, she starts pulling at my hand saying, "bubbles, bubbles, nursey," so she wasn't happy at all when we headed out to the car instead, she literally was screaming her head off. Bainbridge was fun, kinda cute little shops and whatnot, but the architecture is what I really LOVED there. Unfortunately I am a tard and didn't take any pictures. We had to get up at 4:00 am yesterday to make our 6:10 flight, and we had moved to an airport hotel to be closer, but it was only a one room, so we put Sawyer to bed and she couldn't sleep until we turned out the lights, but she was being so stinking funny. Every time I'd tell her to lay down, she would, for like 10 seconds, then she'd get up and stick her head over the top of the crib and play peak a boo. Then she started squishing her face up against the mesh sides of the crib and making piggy faces, and we all LOST it laughing! She is such a silly goose.Oh! We also took Sawyer to the Children's Museum, it was pretty dated, kinda small, but she loved it of course, it was fun to have a day just for her.So then we got home and have been doing funeral stuff for Susie's aunt Dorothy the last two days, so it'll be nice to get back to normal for a couple of weeks...until my crazy girls trip to Phoenix on the 19th!!! Yeah! We also just booked a trip to San Diego for Sawyer's 2nd birthday which I am so excited about.

oh and by the way....

remember how I said I was so sick of Sawyer being sick? Now it's Matt & I who are sick and I am doubly sick of it! What a freaking joke! Sawyer still has a runny nose and cough sometimes, and Matt & I have the flu. Mine is significantly less bad than Matt's, he's come home from work at noon the last two days. We pretty much park Sawyer in front of the TV while we rest, and I HATE doing that! It makes me very excited for our Seattle trip though! Plus, I haven't seen Susie very much lately, so it'll be nice to have her all to ourselves in Seattle! What a fun birthday! Oh, and Dave Co. finally sold our van! Yeah! We were starting to wonder what on earth was supposed to happen with it, because we had about 5 or 6 people interested in it, and they could never get financing. And someone has made a very low ball offer on our Bear Lake lot. We countered and haven't heard back yet. We've learned a very valuable lesson from this though. Matt & I are not short term investors, it's too stressful. I think we'll just buy some duplexes or rentals and let them pay their own mortgages off and that's a much better thing for our brains. I really wanted to go help Kirsten & Dave move into their cute new house, but their kids are very susceptible to sickness, so I figured the best thing we could do is stay away. I'm feeling a lot better today though, so hopefully I'm done. Alicia & I are going to 311 on Thursday and I am very excited although I cannot picture little Mrs. Utah at a 311 show. We have seats though, so there will be no mosh-pitting. I guess we'll see! :)

freakin' cute head

Yesterday Sawyer & I randomly went to Idaho with Grandma & Grandpa Miller to help them do some back to school shopping with Mandy & Ron's kids. It was so much fun despite a rather ridiculous throwing up episode brought on by carsickness. Sawyer loves playing with her awesome cousins, Lizzy & Rachel just ate her up! I am so sick of cleaning up diarreha and throw up, and I am ready for no one to be sick. Matt came home from work sick today as well, so I am just kinda biding my time until things get back to normal. pretty blah day, it's time to be done with it. good night.

Alpine Slide!

This weekend while we were up at the cabin, we decided to go down to Park City and take Sawyer on the Alpine Slide, she loved it! It was just a really fun family time. Of course we had to run by the outlets on our way back, and Matt got some new golf shoes and Sawyer got a new very cute cherry outfit from Gymboree. Jed & Candace stayed over that night, which was very fun, they are very cool. I wish she could come on our girls trip to Phoenix in Septemeber, but she doesn't have anymore vacation time. boo

boo for pink eye...and croup...and ear infections

yeah, that's where I've been. Poor little Sawyer. one right after the other. last night I decided to take her to the InstaCare despite the fact that we had just been to see Dr. Knowlton for croup the morning before. I knew she was running a fever, but if you've ever tried to take a toddler's temperature you know how futile that is. By the time we got seen at the "insta"care, her temp was 104! She was such a trooper, playing in the waiting room, having a great old time with her cute daddy, that I was doubting whether I should have brought her in or not, but I am so glad I did. I guess her left ear is pretty stinkin' infected, poor lil thing. She's been so sweet though. I'm working on a really cool cake for Friday, I'm a little worried about matching her colors in fondant, they're pretty specific and so far have been impossible for me to replicate. (ew... I'm watching cribs now just for background noise, and it is RIDICULOUS how much wasted money there is in the world. You could save an entire nation from starvation with what you spend on your own insecurities and vanity, you stupid whores!) Anyway, I have compiled a list of things to do before I die. Some are really stupid, but here they are.
Things to do before I die…
¨ Train for and complete a triathlon (in the spring!)
¨ Stay in an over-water bungalow in Tahiti
¨ Design & build a home with Matt (one that has a great pool)
¨ Write a memoir
¨ Learn to keep a vegetable garden (starting next spring)
¨ Learn another language
¨ Start drawing/painting again (and keep it up)
¨ Learn to enjoy a team sport (and get good at it)
¨ Take our kids on a Disney cruise
¨ Make money as a model (after all those years attempting it, it would be nice to have some cash to show for it)
¨ Go on a good vacation with my sisters
¨ Develop better relationships with Janene & Carrie
¨ Learn to consistently feel the spirit & receive personal revelation
¨ Go on an African safari
¨ Swim with dolphins with my kids
¨ Go to Australia with Matt to see all his mission sites
¨ Take some culinary art classes and learn to do cakes better
¨ Be a good, cool aunt
¨ Be a great parent
¨ Always grow closer and more in love with Matt
¨ Be well read (classics)
¨ See smashing pumpkins in concert (will do in September!)

family day

Yesterday was so much fun! I went to the gym earlyish and then we took Sawyer up to Grandma Susie's to swim. Sawyer was using a bucket and dumping water out of the kiddie pool onto the edge of the pool, and having a lovely time until she leaned over too far and fell into the pool. I was nearby on the grass laying out, and I think I probably set a new long jump record to get her out. She was fine of course, hardly even startled, but it scared the begebees out of me! Nobody wants to see their child floating face down in the water, not even for a split second. We had a nice lunch at Susie's then everyone settled down for naps. Then while Matt went golfing I took Sawyer, Caroline and her friend to see Ratatouille at the Gateway. Sawyer LOVED it! She hasn't ever stayed that focused in a theater, which probably isn't a good thing at her age. It was really fun though. Today we had Susie over for dinner, I got some recipes for Cafe Rio stuff, and it turned out really yummy. So, yeah, a good weekend. Rossi & I get to go to the Incubus concert on Tuesday, and that's my main excitement this week. Kinda nice not to blog all dramatic-like like I have lately.

distractions, distractions, distrations

Holy cow, just when you start to figure something really great out, all hell breaks loose to keep you from it. I have felt so much opposition and confusion about EVERYTHING right now, it is driving me crazy. I recently have started to develop some very good, important habits that will help me be a better mother, wife and person in general, things that are tiny little tweaks to what I normally do, but seem to make such a huge difference in my attitude throughout the day, and it just feels like Satan knows what an effect these things will have on me & my family and he is throwing everything in the book at me to get me distracted or off on another tangent! It's such a joke! I spent yesterday doing just fine, got up, worked out, did my studying and thankfulness time, had a lovely visit with Caroline, Matt's niece who had stayed over to babysit while Matt & I went to the dry pack on Wednesday night, and then we went to run some errands on the way to take Caroline home. I figured I'd go buy Becky, Matt's sister a birthday present, so we stopped at Barnes and Nobel to get Twilight, this vampire book that my friends cannot shut up about. Anyway, I was also looking for this book I heard about on the Morning Show about helping your daughter avoid body image issues and eating disorders, which they didn't have in stock, but I got distracted by a book called "Skinny Bi---" which at the time seemed to be a kind of smart diet book. Turns out it is a vegan bible riddled with all sorts of other foul language while it tells you of the evils of eating meat, non-organic produce and the FDA. I read over 100 pages of it while Sawyer was napping, it was absolutely riveting because it was so dramatically written, telling of the inhumane ways animals are slaughtered and the disgusting additives and preservatives that go into our foods, and what they do to our bodies. I do not know how much of it is true. It is very confusing and nauseating. By the time Matt came home I was worked into such a frenzy I had already ordered a vegetarian "starter kit" from PETA's website. If you know Matt you will be having a bit of a chuckle right now. He really, reallllly hates PETA, veganism and "all those hippie animal rights type people." I went to lds.org to see what the church had to say about it, and of course it just talked about moderation in all things, but I still really feel strongly about changing our diets to be much more focused on eating fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains and legumes and really, REALLY cutting back on meat. Anyway, the moral of the story is that I am having a hard time focusing on what is really important, and that was really solidified to me today while I was reading scriptures and praying, and that is having the Spirit in our home. And I believe it's my responsibility primarily. The things I say, do, listen to, read, watch, buy, put up with or tolerate will all either positively or negatively affect the ability of the Holy Ghost to dwell in our home & in our hearts. That's the bottom line. All this other crap will not make a difference in any one's eternal salvation. So yeah, tweak our families diet a bit, great, but going all extreme is not going to do anything but shift my focus from what is important. Anyway, after that great peace I felt today, not ten minutes later I hear someone on my front porch & Charlie starts barking, which is very annoying when Sawyer is sleeping, so I go out to look and, someone has put a pamphlet on our door knob. I don't want your crap! This is a trigger for me for some reason, I got really mad & threw it in our garbage can outside. Five minutes later I hear it again and storm out there and tell off the poor little 15 year old kid running around doing someones dirty work. There goes the Spirit. See ya later. I was seriously soooo mad, it was totally embarrassing, I keep looking outside to see if they pass by again so I can apologize. So I had a little breakdown and called Matt & vented which always helps, and then turned on the movie "Finding Faith in Christ" which really calmed me down. You know the part where the woman is taken in adultery and he says "Woman, where are thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?" and she says "no man, Lord." Jesus says back to her "Neither do I condemn thee. Go and sin no more." That 's the thing to remember: He isn't sitting there holding things over our heads, so why should we? Once we repent and make the commitment to do better, just go ahead and do better, don't waste your energy hating yourself for stuff that's in the past! Very good lesson for me today. Moving on.

fun things Sawyer is doing lately

Here's a few little Sawyer-isms as of late, stories I can't help but tell people because, I'm sorry, but she's just so stinkin' cute!
- while I was at enrichment last night, Matt said she pulled all three of her little kid sized chairs out into the front room around the coffee table and then brought out Pooh Bear, Elmo and her enflatable Lion and put them in the chairs. She went around and folded all of their arms and said "prayers" before they "ate". She's such a little silly goose.
- as sacrament meeting is winding down each week, she starts saying "bubbles?" meaning she's ready to go to nursery, then she pulls me down the hall and up the stairs to nursery. Once she gets settled with a toy, she turns to me and waves bye-bye.
- we went up to the outlets at Park City yesterday, BCBG was having a HUGE sale, oh my goodness, I loved it. Anyway, she loved trying on all the beautiful heels and picking out a different purse every few minutes. The sales people were eating out of her hand. She found all these bikini tops and put them around her neck, and would strut around like she was so grown up! It was hilarious!
- monday night when we were having scriptures with her little picture scriptures, she grabbed her teddy bear and held him on her lap and would repeat what we were saying to her, to her bear. She would point at the picture and then look at the bear and go "Jesus." It was so sweet. Her little soul is so sweet and open to the gospel, she just seems to want to pray and understands somehow that this is very important. She must be able to feel the Spirit at this point already. I LOVE IT!

things about me

Kirsten this is for you, it's lame though because you probably know all these answers

4 Jobs I've held:
1. bagel girl
2. shipping supervisor
3. various accounting jobs
4. cake designer/baker/mom
Movies I Can Watch Over & Over:
1. Anchorman
2. Bandits
3. Ocean's anything
4. Lady Hawk
Places I Have Lived:
1. West Bountiful, UT
2. Centerville, UT
3. Bountiful, Utah
4. Midvale, UT(all very exciting I know)
5. Layton, UT
T.V. Shows I Enjoy
1. Prison Break
2. The Office
3. Gilmore Girls reruns (I'm still in mouring about the fact that it's not on anymore)
4. What Not To Wear
Places I have Been on Vacation:
1. The Bahamas
2. Hawaii
3. Mexico
4. France
Favorite Foods
1. Ice Cream
2. Crab
3. Sweet Pork Salad from Costa Vida
4. Miso Salmon from Z Tejas
Websites I visit (almost daily)
1. Hotmail
2. Favorite blogs
3. travel planning places depending on what in next on the docet
4. Brad's Deals
Places I'd Rather Be right now
1. on the beach in Maui
2. at the gym
3. laying out at a pool somewhere
4. at matt's softball game

Thanks Kirsten, that was fun.

yeah for IKEA!

How cute is my girl with her new table and chairs and tea set?

She LOVES it.

I want an f-ing car!

(sorry for the pseudo-profanity if you don't know that reference.)
So, for Matt's birthday/father's day gift, I arranged a trip to Denver to see John Mayer in concert at Red Rocks, a Colorado Rockies game and plenty of golfing. I got a super cheap fare, and things just escalated, and we were really excited to have a quick getaway with just us. Plus, I love golfing with Matt & we haven't been able to do it since we had Sawyer. When I was pregnant we used to go quite often, I'd drive the cart and we'd just talk and enjoy the beautiful course. Anyway, we had checked in online, and weren't in a big rush to get to the airport, so we went to the gateway and ran some errands on the way. We left the Cruiser in long term parking and took the shuttle over to the terminal and things were fine, our flight left in a little over a half hour and all we had to do was check our bags in and wander up to the gate... plenty of time, right? There weren't any lines, and the lady that we tried to check our bags in with told us we had to go to the check in kiosks first. Okay, whatever, never mind the fact that we checked in online and printed out our boarding passes. However, the kiosk took it's sweet time and in the end told us that it couldn't help us, that we had to go back to the original lady. By the time we got to her again, she told us that it was now 7:18, and we had missed the baggage check-in deadline by three minutes. Never mind the fact that she had just send us on a wild goose chase back at the freaking kiosk, all bags must be checked in no later than a half hour before departure. They would not help us at all. What a freaking joke. Matt went into panic attack mode. Basically that means that he cannot see anything other than the big honkin' peice of sky that he believes is falling directly and without delay upon his head. Amazingly it only lasted a few minutes, he suddenly decided that this was okay, that we weren't for some reason supposed to make that flight, and we figured out what else to do. Since Delta wouldn't let us use the return flight either (what a freaking joke they are, by the way), we decided that rather than pay the billion dollars in gas it would cost to drive my land cruiser, to just rent a car and drive that whole night. Expedia.com has amazing customer service, and a very nice lady switched our rental car around, called our hotel to hold our reservation and didn't charge us any sort of cancellation or penalty or anything. I love expedia.com. Boo Delta, yeah Expedia.
What a gift missing that flight turned out to be. I wanted that trip to be this nice romantic easy weekend, but Heavenly Father had a different plan. He knew we needed to have a hard, bonding experience, on that showed us again why we work so well together and how great a team we are. We talked that entire drive, arrived at like 4am, and had so much stinkin' fun together. It was crazy and stressful and hard and I loved every second of it. It was like one thing after another, first the Delta debaucle, then we got lost, then I knocked Matt's teeth out, then I yelled at little boys in the hallway at the hotel, then we got a contact high at the concert, blah, blah, blah. It was hilarious. On the way home, we got kind of sad thinking that we would be home soon and our adventure would no doubt end. Our daily life would probably not be so chaotic. And we have missed it. Don't get me wrong, life is crazy, but that was nuts. I think that the thing that made this amazing experience really stand out for me though was on Monday evening when Matt came home from work and gave me a big hug and said, "I missed you today." I missed him too, and that feeling was worth all that drama and more.

Ta da! No Boob cancer!!! Yeah!

Alright, I admit it, I suck at blogging. As much as I enjoy it (when I actually get around to doing it) I really have a hard time coming up with interesting things to write, the time to write and the sassy mindset in which I find that what I write comes out less boring. So today, at the nagging of Kirsten, bless her daily-blogging heart, I will attempt to rededicate myself to this lost part of my life. I actually do have good excuses, my computer being in the hospital and my phone being in the mortuary and the lump in my left breast and a chaotic family reunion and planning an elaborate going away party for Mrs. Utah being the main excuses. Well, I guess I just summed up what I've been up to, huh? That was easy. I guess I'm done. See ya!

Just kidding.

So yeah, lump. About that... I've been pretending that it wasn't there for about oh... eighteen months now. When I first found it, I was nursing, so I figured it was just a clogged duct or something, but then when I quit nursing and it was still there I kept forgetting the protocol on self-exams (is it best before or after your period? when was my last period? oh, wait I don't even really have them anymore because of my IUD) and after all that procrastination, I just realized that it seemed to be getting bigger, and could not be ignored anymore. Went to the doctor Monday, she thought it was probably just "fiberous breast tissue" which my mom has as well, but she wanted me to have and ultrasound on it anyway. So that was yesterday and it's fine, but it was just such a stinking emotional freakout time for me that I am totally drained. I found it better to stay busy and not think about it, and Matt kept telling me that it would be okay, which, while nice, made me want to scratch his eyeballs out for continuously bringing it up. But all is well now, and we did have some lovely conversations about what would happen if I died. I have decided that Matt would have to move to Idaho and pay Jozet and Kristy to raise Sawyer and make sure that he didn't remarry. That's the deal I came up with and since I was the one dying, I get my way!

My parents got their mission call Wednesday, I'm so excited for them, they'll be in the Taiwan Taipei Temple! They are so pumped! What rockstars. They enter the MTC October 15th, but the people taking care of their house need to move in sooner, so they are going to kind of use our guest room as a home base, and just roam around to my other sisters houses and maybe Yellowstone until October. How fun is that? I am actually very excited to have them, but am a bit concerned with what my fridge will look like while they're here. My mom saves seriously every single bit of food. And she doesn't believe in real tupperware, she likes to use old yogurt cups and reused tin foil to store things. She washes out ziplock baggies to use again. I may have to lay the law down about that. I cannot handle clutter, and looking in my fridge and having so much mismatched goolosh will seriously make me break out. My fridge is a scared place, a place where I know what exactly I plan to do with each little bit, and how long it has been in there. I clean it out once a week and wipe down all the shelves at least monthly. Plus, it's pretty, it was the one thing I really wanted, the bottom freezer is genius, and I love it. Moving on....

I am so excited about this girls trip we're taking in September! Alicia has this timeshare and we've got the NICEST hotel lined up down in Phoenix! It will be so stinking nice. I wish I could get my Ki(e)rsti(e)n friends to come with us. I understand why they aren't, but that doesn't mean I can't be pissed about them not coming. boo, whore.
I need to go get ready, I'm going to go help my parents clean their house when Sawyer wakes up. Remind me to write about Matt & I's remake of Planes, Trains & Automobiles.

Catch-up time

Holy crap, I am finally back into normal life enough from the pageant to even think about blogging. It was a little nutty there for a while. The pageant went better than I could have ever hoped. The whole day went really well, we rehearsed all day, and things just went really smoothly. The little break we had to get ready was totally stressless and fun; I took a second and went outside and listened to some Angels and Airwaves to kinda "get in the zone", and I just felt this amazing feeling of love from my Heavenly Father, like he was proud of me and that this experience would hold a gift for me. Anyway, the day before I had kind of decided that I would be a tad disappointed if I didn't make top ten. But when I didn't, I actually felt NO disappointment what so ever! I was excited for everyone who did, and felt so blessed to be a part of this great group of women. I sat and listened to the top ten do their on stage questions and actually felt really relieved to not be out there. Then when they called us back out for the final awards, I was so freaking shocked to be called up for the Mrs. Congeniality award! I have always thought that one of my weaknesses is meeting new people and coming off as a little snotty until I get to know people better. I'm not generally good at remembering names and making small talk and friends. I remember going to the orientation and giving myself a little pep talk out in the car before I went in that I could do it, I would go out of my way to make people feel comfortable and show an interest and not be self-conscious when I meet all these gorgeous ladies. Anyway, it seems to have worked, I am finally that person who can do that kind of stuff well. I find myself being more pleasant with people that I come in contact with everywhere, I'm not so stuck up. (most of the time at least) Anyway, I hardly realized that change in me until I looked back at the girl that started this pageant, and I feel so changed in so many ways it's hard to put my finger on exactly what has changed. I think that the Mrs. Congeniality award is one of the greatest honors I've ever been given. Then as soon as I got back up to my place on the risers after getting that award, they called my name again for Mrs. Photogenic!!! I hated my head shot so bad that I had pretty much taken myself out of the running for that one. The pageant staff & photographers voted for that one, and Kirsten and her dad were two of the photographers, and the other one couldn't have liked me that much because I didn't use any of the his pictures except for the head shot. Kirsten and Sherwood came up to me after the show and said that they didn't feel right about voting for me, ethically, so I don't know who did vote for me! weird. My sisters Kristy, Mandy & Jozet and her whole family came down from Idaho. Carrie, my parents, aunt Shirleen, Susie, Jen & her mom, Caroline & her friend, Stacey and Kim also all came to support me. It was awesome, I felt so loved. Most of us went to Winger's afterward, and it was so much fun! Apparently as Mrs. Congeniality, I get to plan the going away party for the new Mrs. Utah before she goes to nationals, so that should be fun to get us all together again. I got the judges score cards back, and some of the comments were that I was too young (lacked experience), that they could see my tape-on bra in my swimsuit, and that I lacked confidence in my interview. But those were the only negative things, and my overall standing was twelth. I loved this experience. Not going to do it again, but I loved it! This is a picture of me and the lovely 1st runner up, Laura Dugovic, one of the raddest people I've ever met.