My Ad Page for the Pageant Book

here is the ad page we've designed for the Pageant book. Matt insisted that I use an old modeling picture. I was hesitant to do that because I didn't want to look like this lady in the book last year who used a 15 year old picture so that she looked younger. This is only 6 years old, but I hope no one asks about it. I am getting really anxious for the pageant, the interview is scary to me, and I'm sure that the opening number is going to put me over the edge. I'm trying to delete the idea that I'm not coordinated from my mind, I'm taking more choreographed classes at the gym to build my confidence, and I'm going to practice the hell out of it once I learn the moves. I am determined to not look like an idiot. No, not just that, I am determined to look really good. Dead on. I really, really want everyone to come support me. Everyone in the world. jk. I have never done many sports, or things that people come to, so I really, really, really want people to come to this one thing, make signs and go nuts. It would mean soooo much to me.

Family Pictures

Kirsten is the biggest rock star. I wish I was famous so that I could have a bit in my contracts about how she is the only photographer I will work with. Seriously, I showed these pictures to my parents and as soon as they saw them (in comparision to the other pictures we took with them on Monday) they said "oh, now that looks more like you." She just has "the eye", you know? And Sawyer looks like a little gap girl model. What a sweetie. It was really fun to spend time with Kirsten, and then after we took these pictures we went to the Melting Pot with Kirsten & Dave & Jake & Alicia and laughed our butts off, it was soooo much fun. Easter was awesome too, Sawyer picked up on the whole easter egg hunt thing really really quickly, and she loved the one we took her to on Saturday so much that I stayed up till 1 am setting up one for her to do on Sunday morning.

San Jorge

Oh my goodness, it's been an awfully long time, and I really shouldn't even try to blog right now because my brain is too tired to think of anything witty to write. My sister Mandy had a baby girl last week, that's exciting, her sixth. The named her Grace Nancy Lagerstrom, and I am really excited to meet her this weekend. Kirsten and her mom & I went down to St. George and had a rollicking good time. It was nice because now with kids its too hard to get any real quality time with each other, but when you're together for a few days it can actually happen every once in a while. It was pretty discouraging though because I am such an idiot for my routine. I thought I had grown out of my onery pants mostly, but geez Louise, if I don't get my workout in every day I am an irritable butt-head. It was hard because we only had one car and I will not do that again. I have to be able to go whenever I want. We slept over at Jake & Alicia's last Saturday night, which was fun for us, I'm not sure if they liked it or not. I feel like I'm in junior high again, that's how long it's been since I tried to make new friends, how dumb is that? They're kinda hard to read, but I like them so I don't care. :) Here is a picture of Sawyer watching A Bug's Life with Porter & Mason for the 18th time. Those boys are so stinking sweet. They just played so cute with Sawyer, I loved seeing them wrestle and hug and tease.

Today was a good day

Kirsten called this morning to invite us to go to "Pump it up" with her. This is a cool place, they have all these big blow up toys & slides & bounce houses, and because Sawyer is under 2 it was free for us. I'm going to have to bring Matt back there soon, because he would totally love it. It was really nice to have some time with Kirsten to myself. She had left Mason & Bennett with her mom because she needed to have some one on one time with Porter, but that actually made it easier for me to have some kinda one on one time with her & I LOVED it! Porter is turning into such a sweetie & it is cool to see how great of a mother Kirsten is as well. Then we went to Home Depot & got a bunch of plants & stuff, and then to the gym (I can finally do the "advanced" workout on the climbing wall without falling off, yeah for me!) and while Sawyer napped, I went outside and worked my butt off on the yard. I love doing that. I love working so hard on something so rewarding that time flies and you come back inside just bone-weary and stinky and a cold shower feels sooooo good. When Matt got home, we played in the backyard and it was so much fun to finally be outside having fun as a family. Apparently Sawyer worked up a thirst, because she started drinking out of Charlie's bowl after her bath. It was hard not to laugh and encourage her, cuz that is really gross, but I did get this funny picture.

Happy 311 Day!

such a big girl!

Sunday was technically the second time that Sawyer went to nursery, but it was the first time that when I picked her up she had a little picture that she had colored, and it really freaked me out. In a good way. I just remember being a nursery leader, and writing each kids name on their picture after they had colored it, and I never imagined that one day I would be the one to whom the picture was handed. It was very surreal to me. Anyway, you can't really see her coloring job here, but trust me, it's very cute, and she is the best little color-er ever. She lays down on her tummy & props herself up on her elbows. She's a kid now, I guess, not a baby. weird

bubble wrap is cool

I just wanted to post some pictures of what

my girl is doing lately. Look at how big she is, filling up the whole crib and all. She brings me her coats all the time, and wants to put them on, she's quite the little fashionista. And, oh, the wonders of bubblewrap! I forgot how much fun that stuff can be. I'm glad I have a little girl to remind me how cool the world is.

I found it, I found it HEEEE!

Can you tell me what movie that is from? Land Before Time. That's right, busting out the oldies. But I did find it, my evening gown, that is! I spontaneously picked my mom up today & told her she was coming with me to try on dresses. I have been obsessively looking on the internet at dresses, but I realized I wouldn't have any idea what I liked on myself until I actually tried some on in real life. But first went to see Matt & have lunch with him at his office, and as we were leaving we noticed this weird little building next to his office that said Prom & Pageant Gowns, so we went in against my very judgemental judgement of it's exterior looks. (kinda ghetto) What we found inside was actually a very, very cute little store with a myriad of lovely gowns! At first it looked like they were all poofy skirted promy types, but when I told the nice lady what I was doing & what I was looking for, she started pulling perfectly pageanty dresses out of the woodwork. It was love at first sight when I saw this one. The color looks amazing with my skin & hair color, and it seriously doesn't look cheesy with the added sleeveage/modestness. In the picture we've just kinda tucked the sleeves in kinda like they'll be, but it's going to look so much better when it's all done. Plus, it was so stinking cheap! I had kinda set a $400 budget for a gown, and this one is $250! What a blessing! I learned today how much Heavenly Father takes care of you when you decide to do what he has asked you to. Another nice thing about it is that my mom & I actually had a lot of fun. One good shopping experience together to balance out all of our past bad ones! I love her guts. Yeah!

this is tough

Momma looks like a maniac, and Sawyer's hair is out of control (as always) but we sure love each other. I really hope that we can hold onto the feelings we have for each other right now. Actually I hope it grows deeper as Sawyer & I grow & learn. I've been thinking about how to teach Sawyer so many different things; how to eat healthfully, how to love to be active, how to be kind and share, how to be honest in all she does, how to know how much her Heavenly Father loves her, how to receive answers to prayers, etc. I think I've realized that all I can do is teach her and set a good example (very important), but I've got to be able to give up the control that is so easy to want to have over your kids. You can't force them to learn these things, they are going to make tons of mistakes, and will definataley have to learn things by screwing up and dealing with the consequences. That's true parental love, being able to have the self-control to put aside your desire to force them to do right, and only guide them. That's the example that God has set for us. Think about it, don't you imagine any parent would have pulled out of the deal as they saw their child suffering like Christ did for us? But he knew that it would be a disservice of the hugest porportions to force any of us to do anything. To take away our free agency would be counterproductive. As a parent, that is probably the hardest thing we'll ever have to do, to sit by and watch as our kids make poor choices, knowing that it will cause them pain. Looking back though, I know I would never have become the person I am (who I kinda like) if my parents hadn't allowed me to make a certain number of mistakes (whether they actually knew about them or not). Because they have set such fantastic examples I was able to figure things out with before I really screwed things up. I can already tell that it's gonna be hard though.

the secret ain't no big secret

Dear ol' Oprah. Bless her heart. This whole whoopla about "The Secret" has really blown up since she had it on her show. Greg tried to let me in on it a LONG time ago, I think, but I just didn't take the time to order the DVD or whatever; but it is pretty powerful. The thing is though, it's just really living the gospel. As we strive to become more like Christ, our thoughts naturally will become more positive and less judgemental of ourselves as well as others. It is kind of putting the cart before the horse though, because until we have a true change of heart these won't be lasting changes. I guess you do kind of have to "fake it till you make it" though. I am subscribed to this digital scrapbooking newsletter that is amazing. The owner of the company, ScrapGirls.com writes a little "muse" everyday, basically a blog entry, and it is amazing how much you can connect with someone you've never met. Anyway, she talked about the secret today as well, and I decided to try it out, because it's worked for me in the past I realized. When I realized that I weighed 13 pounds LESS than before I got pregnant, I felt like such a rock star, my thoughts were full of gratitude for a strong body, I was proud every time I went to BodyPump and added weight. I felt so hot, and it just kind of fed off itself. I felt healthy, so I always ate healthy. I was really nourishing my body and it was reciprocating with becoming more and more healthy, and I didn't have to really even work at it. It wasn't until I decided to do the pageant that I started to feel like I needed to lose weight again, and things started sucking again. I was focusing on weight and I started to attract weight. Then I felt badly about myself and I started to treat Matt badly because somewhere inside I didn't feel like I deserved him, and I wanted to push him away!!! How messed up is that?? I even started to see it affect my realationship with Sawyer, I didn't feel like I was "playing my A game" with eating, and that spread out to my ability to be patient with Sawyer and I would find myself being fed up with her for the stupidest things! What a big freaking joke. It is a vicious cycle. Now, granted I would love to lose ten before I have to be in a swimsuit in front of 2000 people, but I am not going to think about that, I am rather going to be grateful that I am so fit, that I am 6 feet tall, that I have such a great gym to go to, that I have a supportive amazing husband, and that I have such an abundance of great healthy food available to me. I am so stinking blessed. I'm excited.

((((Home Show))))

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the St. George Parade of Homes! We took a couple of years off because it was getting kinda old going every single year, and I'm way glad. There are new cool things again. My favorite today wasn't really anything special technically, I guess, but it was just decorated so perfectly, not to froofy, or trying to hard. I would love to have just bought it exactly like it was furnishings and all. It was really open and had amazing views with tons of floor to ceiling windows everywhere. The master suite was divine, good textures and just really peaceful. All the cabinetry was stunning, dark woods with light walls and carpets, it was beautiful. There was also a Frank Lloyd Wright-ish one, totally symetrical with tons of art glass windows and craftsman woodwork. That one was cool, but it was surrounded by this UGLY cinderblock wall. I couldn't get over how stupid the person who decided that would be okay was. eww! I think it's pretty clear that Matt & I want to have a place down here one day. He loves the Entrada area with it's snow canyon views and all the red rocks. It is really so incredibly beautiful. Plus, St. George is just such an active place, everyone is always out jogging, biking, rollerblading or golfing. It's 70 degrees today, and it's February and we're going swimming. It is perfect. We could stay down here from like October to April and then live in Bountiful or Layton for the rest of the year. Yeah, that would be ideal. Maybe when our kids are grown. Of course, we wouldn't be the first to do that. There are so many freaking old people down here. It's a little insane. Well I think I am going to have a nap while Sawyer does. I got up early today & went to Golds, so it's about time.

hello again.

Man, I really let things slide there for a while. Well, I'm back. It has just been insane with pageant crap, I cannot believe how generous people are. With lots of help from Matt, we've been able to raise quite a bit of money. I will still sell ad space until they are due in April, but I think I'll be able to do this pageant without spending any of our own money, which was the goal. It is amazing to me that so many people are willing to support what I am doing. My favorite though, I've got to admit is the money my parents gave me. They said that they wanted to buy a little good luck ad for me, and my dad said that he was thinking about a business card sized one, but when he learned that I only get half of the money from ads, he decided he'd better just sponsor me directly. So they talked it over and next time I saw him, he had a check. I expected him to only give me like $50 because that's what the ad would have cost him, so imagine my surprise, when the check was for $200! Now, that may not sound like much to some people, but from my parents, it is huge. They have done such a good job of teaching me to be independent, and if I want something I know I have to work for it, so for them to just give me 1/4 of my entry fee was really amazing to me. They are so supportive and kind in every way. It really meant a lot to me. Let's see, what else? Oh, Valentine's Day was really fun. Matt bribed me into going to the Jazz game; we were playing the Cavs, so I got to look at LeBron all night which was great for me. I actually have really been enjoying watching basketball with Matt lately though. I think it's coaching the Young Women's team, it's made me have to learn a few things, and Matt is very good to teach me what he can in those rare moments when I try to give a crap about sports. Plus Memot Okur is so clutch, the game was pretty exciting. So now we are in St. George again (I love my life) courting one of Matt's clients until Tuesday. The home show is on this week, and I love going to that, so it should be really fun. Then when we go home, Sawyer and I are heading up to Idaho to help Jozet do some finish work on her house, and watch Jared in the State Wrestling Championship. That kid is so freaking cool. I wish I could raise my kids to be like the Richardsons, honestly. Even McKaye, who has every reason to be a brat (only girl, beautiful, talented) is so NOT a brat. I have the coolest nieces and nephews. It makes me think twice about having only 3 kids. I really think that part of the reason they are such neat kids is that they have had to learn a lot of patience and that they aren't the center of the universe because they all have so many siblings. I dunno, I'm sure that there are advantages both ways. We'll see. Last Saturday was seriously one of my favorite days of all time. It was really pretty normal, but we just felt like a real live family, it was so nice. We got up and went to a BodyPump class together at the gym, then went to Mimi's for breakfast, which I've wanted to do ever since we moved to Layton. Then Sawyer had her nap while Matt & I organized the garage, powerwashed all the yard tools, the front porch and the garage floor. We washed the cars and cleaned them out, and vacuumed the house and dusted. We took down the Christmas lights from our house & our neighbors, and it was so much fun! I sound like a nerd, but I just love how well Matt & I work together, we are the best team. When Sawyer woke up we had cheese toast and soup for lunch and took her to the park. Anyway, it was a really nice day. I love my family. And how cute is Sawyer at the park, seriously? Lots of fun.

gaining control, slowly but surely

Hola! I'm back. I've missed blogging lately, just been too busy worrying about this pageant stuff as well as babysitting for Matt's sister all last weekend. I got my first sponsorship yesterday from Dan & Shellie George @ Community Chiropractic. I'm doing what Matt said, making at least five contacts a day, and things are starting to come around. I just have to make sure I don't get discouraged and overwhelmed. Anyway, I miss Kirsten, they went to San Diego and she hasn't been updating her blog, so that sucks. Honestly, I don't have much to say today, I am pretty beat from the gym this morning, and my brain is not really working either, but it's a beautiful day and I am going to go get some pageant money! Talk to you later.

the out of control stampeeding project

Last night Matt had the thought that I should speak to Spencer Reynolds, an old family friend, about his leadership training project possibly being my platform for the pageant. So I called him to get more information on what he was doing, and 45 minutes later, I'm hooked. He has been doing some workshops/presentations in high schools about leadership skills and financial literacy. He is working on getting a nonprofit organization set up pro bono by an attorney so that he can really make this a huge deal. He has an amazing vision for what he wants to do, and would need non-profit status so that people would be willing to contribute. I told him I would love to be involved and bring attention to his idea through my platform statement as well as an ad in the program book at the pageant. I really didn't have any interest in winning the pageant up until now because it would mean I would have to devote a lot of time and energy to my platform and being Mrs. Utah over the next year, but now, I REALLY want to win BECAUSE I want to work on this with the added outreach that the title of Mrs. Utah will bring. I am afraid Spencer will think I'm hi-jacking his program, but I really would love to especially work with these high school girls in encouraging them to not be afraid to be real leaders and acheive everything they are capable of; to become educated, not just go to college to meet a husband. I really think that girls in this community need that message. I love being a stay at home mom, but I will be forever grateful that I had the opportunity to graduate from college. And I actually am using my degree everyday as Sawyer's mom. But it's really hard to stay motiviated with doing something so big outside of my "easy" life as a homemaker/wedding cake designer. It's intimidating. Like I said yesterday, I've had a lot of feelings like I don't have anything to contribute to the world at large, and today I was really struggling with that, and deciding whether I want to become involved in this because it will take a lot of my time and will be extremely challenging. Anyway, I was having a little prayer about it this morning, and the hymm "Because I have been given much" came into my head. I really feel like I have an obligation to serve because I have been so blessed. I think about how amazingly supportive and awesome Susie has been to me particularly getting me through college, and I would be so ungrateful if I didn't at least try to have the same effect on others. Then I read my patriarchial blessing, and oh boy, am I in for a life changing commitment. It said: "There will be many opportunities which will come to you to bless the lives of others. Through your talents, your intellect and your abilities, you will be an important guide and help to many. You will bless the lives of the young ones and the youth." Okay, well, I feel totally unprepared, but whatever. I know Heavenly Father will bless me with strength to do whatever it is that I am supposed to do. So, I am trying to get motivated not only to get sponsors and do pageant stuff, but now I have this whole beast of getting involved in Spencer's "Start Leadership" program. Geez Louise.

having some doubts

arrrggghh, today is hard. I have been so stoked about this pageant, and I knew this would happen, but my enthusiasim is waning today. It's gonna be a lot of work. Finding sponsors, getting out there and asking people for money. Finding a dress that works for me. Coming up with a platform that is consice and that I am passionate about, and that is actually something that, should I win Mrs. Utah, I could really do some good with. I am having all these feelings like "I don't have anything to contribute, why would anyone want to take advice from or look to me for help?" I don't feel like I have the people skills to win anyone over, whether it's the judges or potential sponsors. This really sucks. I am not usually like this. That orientation on Saturday was really great, I left feeling pumped and part of something bigger and excited about meeting new girlfriends and growing. It almost felt like a testimony meeting or something, each of the directors and the current Mrs. Utah (who I met for the first time finally and absolutley love) all spoke about how much the pageant had changed them and how much they loved it, and were able to use it as a springboard to get their various platforms the attention that they need. I really feel like this is something I need to do, it's so much more than just pretty girls trying to be prettier than the next. arrrgghhh I wish I could dredge up my motivation again, and get going on this. I WILL NOT let this be another item on my list of stuff I wish I had stuck with. Speaking of sticking with things, Sawyer is sticking to her no afternoon nap petition, I'd better go get her up.

Hulkamania

Friday night Matt & I went to dinner at Z. Tejas (YUMMY!) with my parents, and that was nice, until I regressed back into super-wench at my mom. How do I learn to not be such an irritable jerk? My mom is so super nice, and for some reason it really bugs me at times. Sawyer had a diaper emergency, and I had to go down to the car in the parking garage at the Gateway, a place where I feel completely comfortable, (worked there long enough) and when she offered to walk down with me because she would worry, I got sooooo annoyed. I know, I'm a jerk. When am I going to outgrow this? I've been so irritated at Matt all weekend, too. I need to stop. Any suggestions? Anyway, on the way home from the Gateway, Brock and Jordan called, they had both forgotten and/or lost their wallets, and were at Olive Garden by our house and needed to be bailed out of dish-doing duty. We had them stay over and watched Superman Returns after they ate us out of house & home. (Just kidding, guys) I looked at it as a challenge, actually, my reheating leftovers skills were at their peak, and I could do no wrong. Eventually my work paid off, and about midnight they said they were finally full. I love those guys so much, I cannot believe my nephews are such rockstars and rolemodels. They are room mates at BYU this year until Jordan goes on his mission in April, and they are loving it. This picture is old, and compared to Blaine (guy on the left) they look tiny, but they are HUGE, I wish I had taken pictures on Friday.

sometimes i worry...

Sawyer and I went to the mall today. I'm looking for stuff for the pageant, and particularly an outfit for this orientation on Saturday, first impression gear, ya know? Anyway, I didn't really find what I was looking for, but that certainly doesn't mean I didn't buy anything. Granted I only spent like $67 dollars, but the feeling that I got each time I passed the plastic over was so frighteningly satisfying. I am starting to worry about myself, and that I am a shopaholic that just hasn't had sufficient resources for her addiction to come out. I bought a really cute business card holder that was originally $26 and I got it for $7.80! I can hear Matt right now "ya gotta spend it to save it, don't ya, princess?" Whatever that means. jk. And my $45 jeans were only thirty, and the really, really cute $34 shirt rang up as $24, so it isn't like I'm out of control. It just felt so good, and that was a little weird. I've heard it said somewhere that shopping for women is like porn for guys, it activates the same endorphins that make it just as addicting. Kinda scary to me because I don't want to be one of those pathetic women who are always shopping to fill some void in their lives. Anyway, what else? Oh, I'm the young women's basketball coach in our ward, and my girls won their first game tonight, despite my lack of coaching skills. I was all excited to come home and watch Earl & the Office, but they were old, so that sucked, then my parents came over to visit, and it was nice to see them. I cannot get enough of this book I'm reading, I Know This Much Is True. The language is actually appalling, I'm not really recommending it to people because I don't want to offend anyone, but the story is so well woven, shocking at times, and I guess technically it should be depressing, but it isn't for some reason. It is so good. It's over 800 pages long and thank goodness because it's one that I am sure I will slow down reading along at the end just to make it last longer. Come to think of it, that's what I'm going to go do now. Bye.

yeah for today

today was such a good day; you know how some days you're just on your A-game, getting stuff done and all that? Sawyer seems to have outgrown her 2nd nap, so we're trying a new schedule, which actually is great because it allows me to spend more time at the gym in the morning which I need to do to get ready for the pageant. I made a healthy breakfast for everyone, and we finally had family scriptures. Sawyer and I went to the gym, had lunch and then she went down for her nap. While she was sleeping I was able to do some stuff around the house that I've been meaning to do for a long time and I threw some yummy stuff in the crock pot for dinner. Matt & I went to the temple while Caroline watched Sawyer. It's been a while since we've been, and it was really nice to escape the world for a while and be in such a peaceful place, and focus on serving others rather than myself or my family. I haven't been able to spend near enough time with Matt today, but when he comes home from basketball we'll be able to hang out for a while. I am trying really hard to find clothes for the pageant, and it is hard, there aren't very many modest dresses, I may have to have something made or altered. I wish I could take my wedding dress, dye it a sexy blue, red or green and cut the train off. On Oprah today she had people list 5 adjectives for their marriage, and mine were trusting, dependable, fun, good team, growth. It makes me so sad to hear these other people describing their relationships as "mean, stagnant, lonely, boring..." It seems like we have been so sucked in by this Hollywood movie definition of love and romance, that is totally not what a real lasting relationship is all about. It's hard work, and when you say "I do" it doesn't magically make everything you've struggled with better, it just makes it more important that you triumph over those trials. It puts more on the line. I want Matt to come home so I can have him do this 5 word thing too. I feel like newly commited to our relationship for some reason. I really am so blessed, and he is so wonderful, we have such fun plans for the future, and thanks to Matt being such a genius with money, those things are likely to become realities. How did I get so lucky? I found the little scrapbook he made me when he proposed a while ago and my favorite page is the last one, where he just filled the whole page with a huge list of all the things we had talked about doing, and there were so many that we had already done in the 4 short years we've been married! I am so excited to do and to become and to see all those thing we've listed at one point or another. yeah!

'lil miss thing

Sawyer has been so sassy lately, in a good way. She is pretty fearless. Yesterday she was taking a bath with lots of bubbles, and started sticking her face in them and eating them, it was so stinking funny because it made this little bubble goatee on her chin. Then when the bubbles all died, she kept sticking her face under the water for a second, then she would come up laughing her head off. Last night at the gym when I came to get her from the day care, Ashley told me that she was climbing to the top of the little kid-sized picnic table and standing on the edge of the table and laughing when Ashley would freak out and come grab her. Little daredevil! She's gonna be a handful. I put a new shirt on her yesterday, and boy did she think she was hot stuff. How can I help her to not be vain when she is so much already at 14 months!? She looks in the mirror when she gets her hair done and turns her head this way and that and smiles and you can just tell she is quite pleased with herself. It's too hard to not laugh and encourage her by telling her every 12 seconds how cute she is. What a stinker.

punk rock pageant princess

well, it's for sure now. One of my best friends, Mrs. Kierstin Spjut Laws has decided that she will do the pageant with me, so I can't back down now! What a rock star. She was really on the fence for a while, she is intimidated by the whole being on stage in front of lots of people thing, but she is going to face that fear and probably win the whole darn thing. There go my chances. She is such a gorgeous Scandinavian beauty, I can't believe I'm friends with such a beautiful girl. Plus you can see her six-pack through her shirt, that's how in shape this woman is. And she absolutely glows with confidence and kindness. She is such a fun person to be around, even though she is gorgeous, she doesn't take herself too seriously and always makes me laugh my head off with her funny faces and voices. We've decided that it is important that we find gowns that we can still wear our garments with, modest ones, so that when Sawyer is picking prom dresses, I can say "hey dude, I know this is hard, but mom did it, and so can you." Granted it would be fun to wear something that really shows off my hard work, (ie sculped triceps, biceps and shoulders ha ha) I think it's important to always wear my garments, and by dang, if I can do it when I was dating Greg, I can do it now! Anyway, I am so excited to be able to spend more time with her during this pageant process. yeah! This is Kierstin in the middle, holding Sawyer.