Oh Sylvie

We are adjusting to life with a dog again. It's not the same. What was I thinking? Don't get me wrong, Sylvie is a sweet little girl & I have certainly had moments where I just love her, but she simply doesn't have the same presence that Charlie did. Lots less personality. In fact, she's kinda like a cat. She seems like she could take us or leave us. I don't know, maybe she's depressed that she's the only dog here. She loves to be outside, and frankly we aren't really outside people at this time of year. Shoveling the driveway with Matt is pretty much the highlight of her day. Today, unbeknownst to me, she followed me out into the garage, and was probably out there for an hour before I realized that she was missing. When I found her she was just sleeping next to the garage door, soaking up all the cold air. It's funny, she doesn't act like she's hot while she's in the house, but she would just sit in the snow all day if I'd let her. I used to never feel alone when Charlie was around, Sylvie just doesn't have that comforting companionship vibe going on. I can't really talk to her, she doesn't act like she cares or is listening. That sounds stupid, but Charlie so did. I really hope we come to know each other better. I probably just need to quit comparing the two of them. That's not fair is it?



I'll give her this; she is really cute. And sweet. And soft. And fun to play with in the snow.
- Posted from my iPhone

Its a..... a little bit of both

'lil dude!!! Sawyer was mediocre on the idea, but I don't think anyone was surprised!!! Yay for a magical Christmas!


And a girl! Meet Sylvie!


Posted from my iPhone

Bad Momma

Sawyer is in her room screaming "you not very nice to me," and "bad Momma.". This just started today. I guess I'll take comfort in the fact that today earlier today she told me that I was her favorite, nicest Momma. What a fickle little chic.


- Posted from my iPhone

Really? Is there any point to stopping at this point?

Welcome to my first real pregnant craving: seven layer bean dip. I have eaten this much by myself in the last...oh... 2.5 minutes.


Shouldn't I just finish it? I kinda feel like this leftover 1/6 would feel badly if I didn't mindlessly devour it too.

- Posted from my iPhone

Do I even really like making cakes?

I'm being a huge procrastinator today. My cute nephew is getting married this weekend & they're having 2 receptions, so I'm doing 1.25 cakes for them. I say 1.25 because the top 3 tiers are going to be dummies, and I'll just have to do a new bottom tier for each reception. I could have done the top three months ago. Did I? No, no I did not. Now I've got all of it to do this week as well as all the extraneous Christmas crap, working out, not ignoring my child or husband, feeding them, and fighting off the mental & physical exhaustion that growing a fetus requires. Anyway, it makes me wonder if I really even want to keep doing cakes, as they are a huge pain in the booty. Also the fact that I don't charge near enough to make it worth my while doesn't help much. An opportunity came up this weekend to be one of two authorized cake vendors at the Castle recption center here in Layton. Should I persue it? They want me to bring in a sample cd this week for them to show their clients. Yet another thing I should be doing instead of blogging. I'm sure I could start charging more, but then I'd be afraid I'd not live up to expectations. I still feel like I'm faking it, ten years later. I dunno. Plus we're having a new baby join us come spring, and I'm pretty much in survival mode for the first six months. I love the feeling of accomplishment once I'm done with a cake, how much I learn with each one... Also I never want to be "just" a mom, I want to have an identity, interests & talents outside of just popping babies out. Sheesh, I don't know.


- Posted from my iPhone

This is sooo too late...

Sawyer turned four on November 9th. Yeah, I know that's almost a month ago. I woke her up with the Miller tradition of breakfast in bed, and I was go glad to see that she got the memo about how the birthday girl has to look totally hung over in the breakfast in bed picture.
Later we had a gi-gunga party at Kangaroo Zoo. The guest list got a little out of control, but we all had a blast pretending to be circus clowns cramming into our tiny party room. Sawyer had a blast playing on all the bouncy toys with her cousins & friends. And then this random kid came around & made a nuisance of himself. Notice the look of pain on Sawyer's face as his butt runs over her hair, surely ripping it out of the follicles. Not only was he annoying, but he hurt the birthday girl & didn't even bring a gift. We were unable to find any sort of parental figure, but saw him leaving later with a man who had been on his laptop the ENTIRE time, completely ignoring his son & not noticing at all what a pain in the ass he was being to everyone else. I wonder how much attention he gets at home...
Oh, then he also kept accidentally hurting all the other kids in our party. At least I think it was accidental. This is Sawyer with her friend Megan Wood. (On a side note: The other day after Megan went home from a play date, I asked Sawyer if she & Megan had fun playing together. Sawyer said, "oh, she's kind of my weird friend." I stifled a laugh & asked "oh yeah? Why is Megan weird?" because I think she's awesome, one of my favorite of Sawyer's friends to have over. To which Sawyer replied, "she likes Yo Gabba Gabba." See, I've trained her well!)She really loved her cake, and I did too. Notice the cool pattern on the skirt. Yeah, I did that. I'm the shish. Of course her most favorite part was opening presents, and frankly, she made quite a haul. I was really good this time & had her help me write out thank you notes the next day! Yay, me! However, I just noticed that they are all in the bottom of my purse, waiting for postage. Good work, mom.I love this picture of Sawyer & her little buddy Max hugging. They are so cute together. This picture makes me miss hanging out with Danny & Jessica, I hate how busy everyone is right now. I guess that's why I'm posting this nearly a month after the fact.

These are the nights when I miss Charlie the most. Matt went to play basketball with some friends, Sawyer is asleep, I have about 200 things I should be doing, but backache + zero energy = me sitting on my butt watching TV with no one to pet or talk to. In fact I might even attempt to get up & do something if I had her to talk to as I worked. I tried to email the family that has her a few weeks ago, it came back undeliverable. That was the only contact information I had for them. It sucks. I've never missed anyone this bad in my life. I'm sure my whining about this is getting tedious, but it appears as though no one reads my blog anymore so whatever.


(awesome photo by Ashley Thalman)


- Posted from my iPhone

It's the most magical day of the year...

We hurried home from St. George today hoping to get some Christmas trees up tonight. Ever since our over-eager neighbors started decorating, Sawyer has been absolutley aching to decorate for Christmas. But I very firmly believe that Thanksgiving deserves it's own day in the sun, unhindered by tinsel or lights. Last year I bought Sawyer her own pink flocked pre-lit tree on post-Christmas clearance at Michael's, and since then have been collecting the most gaudy glitter & sequin covered ornaments I could find. It is freaking DARLING. Goes perfectly in her room. Watching her decorate it while singing the few lines of the few Christmas songs she knows over & over was seriously the highlight of my month.


When we got downstairs, Matt already had our new pre-lit tree up & ready for be-dazzelment. Which begs the question, "why on earth didn't we buy a pre-lit tree years & frustrating years ago?"
As we watched Elf (such an instant classic, that one, genious!) & decorated, I instituted a new rule; you have to dance whilst decorating the tree, at least during the fantastic songs on the fantastic movie. Sawyer seemed to approve if the new rule & was constantly wiggling her little butt as she put 90% of our decorations at the 4" or below level. And guess what?I'm not fixing it. I love it. I love having a four year old. I can't imagine a more magical age during Christmas. I'm so excited to share this wonderful time with her. Merry Christmas everyone! I hope yours is as magical as ours is shaping up to be.


- Posted from my iPhone

rejected new moon screenplay

http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/my-rejected-new-moon-screenplay/

You want to go to there. You will not be disappointed. (but may spend the next two hours reading other stuff this guy has written, laughing so hard you pee yourself like an excitable puppy, as I may or may not have done.)


- Posted from my iPhone

My (other, more fuzzy) baby

This is our girl! I'm so excited to meet her & have her join our family on Christmas day. They've been calling her Big Twin because she's a twin & the bigger of the two. Obviously we need to think of a better name for this sweet little squishy darling. Matt wants to let Sawyer name her, but I think we might need to have some back-ups suggestions ready in case she wants to name her LooHoo or Princess Jasmine or something 4 year-oldy. Suggestions?


She looks like a little lamb here, huh?
- Posted from my iPhone

There's all this gratitude going around today

I'm still in bed. I'm checking email, blogstalking, and listening to Paramore (at a low volume so no one suspects I'm awake.)
All this without having set my feet upon the ground.
I can hear my husband & daughter in the other room giggling together. A husband who puts up with my shit with grace, patience & love and mentally, financially, emotionally & sometimes even physically supports me like nobodys business.
I am also loving the hilarious conversation Matt is having with his (awesome) brother, Ryan who has graciously invited us to share their St. George condo week for the holiday. I am 90% sure that I can feel my baby squirming around inside of me as I lay here. Our home is full of more love & security than I ever thought possible. And also some very cute new furniture thanks to our fortuitous flooding incident earlier this year.

(and I'm not even kidding, Matt just brought me breakfast in bed. Pancakes & eggs & maple syrup. Fo' real yo.)

I have friends that I would literally lie down in traffic for. Some of them are even family, the ones who aren't, still are.

My daughter tells me at random intervals that she loves me & that I look "piddy". And as soon as I post this, I'm going to read a book that was brought about through countless faithful sacrifices, a book that never fails to enrich my life & bring me closer to my Heavenly Father & my Savior, without whom this wonderful life of mine would be completely pointless.

I'm seriously so blessed.



- Posted from my iPhone

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

After what seems like months of debate and agonizing over allergies & the heartbreak of losing Charlie, we've decided to go for it! We're getting one of these standard poodle puppies! She's about 4 months old, white, already housebroken and beautiful. We haven't actually met yet, she's in Pocatello, but they've agreed to keep her for us until Christmas eve! I'm really excited, all of us have missed having a dog so damn bad. There's just nothing else like it.

It's getting a lot less cute around here

- Posted from my iPhone

This is probably the proudest I have ever been. Yet.

Sawyer usually loves her ballet class. Lately she's been a smidge moody, and I can't figure it out. Today grandma & grandpa Miller came to watch, and I don't know if that set her off or what, but a few minutes into it she wasn't having it anymore. She just kinda broke down. Her cute teacher tried to get her to buck up, but she swore she had a tummy ache. We talked & talked it out, and I told her that if she was really not feeling well, that we needed to go home & have a nap, but if she was ok to finish her class, we could go meet Annabell, this poodle we're testing out. Anyway, she finally decided that she'd go back in, just for the storytime. But she stayed in there for the whole time! She changed her whole attitude! That is powerful! I still need to learn to do that!





I love seeing her grow & learn. It's the single most rad thing in my life to be her mom.


- Posted from my iPhone

I'm so glad my baby is home

Every night after dinner I do the dishes and Matt puts Sawyer to bed. This is due to a combination of factors;
A) by the time dinner is done, so am I. D.U.N. Dun. I have one kid. She is awesome. The fact that I am done at this time is mearly a testament to how impatient & selfish I currently am.
B) dishes are my thing. This is a self-imposed slavery thing. I am too anal retentive about how dishes get loaded and rinsed to ever allow anyone else to do this simple task. If they don't get done right the first time, there are only two things that will happen- they will need to be done again, or I will end up picking crusty food particles from my dishes, neither of these options are in any way acceptable to me. So I do the dishes.
C) Matt is forty-hundred times better than me at putting our squirrely little child to bed. I cannot tell you how many times I've asked him to tell me his secret, but I cannot get her to sleep as fast as he does no matter what.
Typically after these tasks are done, we watch a little tv. Its for sure the way Matt likes to decompress, but he usually only lasts two and a half minutes before this happens:


Bless his heart. (This is why most of our nooky is morning nooky.) I'm so grateful for a husband who: never complains, acts like I'm the hottest woman to ever have walked the earth, encourages me to follow my kooky dreams weather they be random vacations with Sawyer while he stays home to work, going to culinary school (one day...), putting up hot pink damask wallpaper in a bathroom (coming soon), having a second kitchen in the basement, getting my 4 year degree in 3 years, going to New Orleans to see 311day, sacrificing his day at the D-day beaches so that I could see the prehistoric cave paintings in central France,... What was I talking about?....
Oh and he's hot too. I love his fashion sense & the way he smells. One of the first times we hung out, we were walking through ZCMI and went into Mr. Mac. I couldn't get over how he was stroking all the nice suits, talking about Super 100s wool, and tailoring, and what button to leave open on a jacket. It was quite a change from my Neanderthal of an ex-husband.
I love how he is always strong when I am weak. Always hopeful when I can't see the silver lining. He is the most consistent, dependable, supportive person I've ever met. He is thankfully lacking in the manly "must-fix-it" tendancy, he lets me vent & sympathizes, but knows that most of the time that's all I needed. And he is ridiculously creative. You would not believe some of the birthday cards I've gotten, the family nights I've participated in, or the way he proposed. He's just the best. And I'm glad he's home.

- Posted from my iPhone

I have a headache.

Matt has been in St. George since Tuesday. We are missing him allhahahahot this time. Due to poor communication on my part, I had previously committed to watching my friend Kierstin's kids Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, so it just turned into a guys golf trip instead. So I've been a mom of four this week, plus the turdy little quarantined dog, so technically five. I tell you what, there's a reason that typically people only have one child at a time, jumping from one to four is no joke. Plus, when they're perfectionist Swedish supermodel Kierstin's kids, you spend the entire time feeling 100% incompetent. I'm sure all kids do this, but I got a leeeettle sick of hearing "that's not how my mom does it..." or "you're doing it wrong". Kierst, please don't be offended, I'm not bagging on your kids, they were awesome, it is just a testament to how much they like you.
But it got me thinking about how interesting it is that we (not meaning Kierstin & I, meaning people who read this & fit my description.) all have basically the same choices in life, in this little suburban Utah life. Even with all the similarities that our race, religion, age, sex, geographic location, upbringing, etc etc etc; even with all that being largely the same, how people can live such different lives, make such different choices about how they use their time, spend their money, etc. I have a new appreciation for my own bed, my own systems of organization, my own neighborhood, my own toilet even. And a HUGE appreciation for what was once my dog. I am making a Thanksgiving resolution to shift my focus from what I want to buy, accomplish, do or pay off and just focus on the little details of my life that make it mine. Especially this kid of mine. I'm cherishing every moment that she's got left of being my only child. I feel almost grateful for the miscarriages, it's been so wonderful to have a bit more time with just her than I planned in my best laid plans. I hope we've built a strong, solid foundation of trust & respect & love, one that we can fall back on when she hates me or needs me or when life kicks her down a flight of concrete stairs. As Kierstin, Swedish supermommy herself once said, "I don't want to be their friend, my kids will have a million friends in their lifetime, I just want to be the best mom for them." I may be botching that quote, don't quote me, but that's how I remember it. I wish was all eloquent like my friend Ashley. Read this beautiful tear-jerker on motherhood. I love Ashley.
Today Sawyer & I had a "girl day". That's what we call it when we go on a special little outing of some sort just by ourselves. I try super hard to not be on the phone & to just listen to her & just do whatever the heck she wants. (on a side-note: it's amazing how on days like that we have zero discipline problems. It makes me think that perhaps I am the problem. huh.) Anyway today we rode the "bus-train" (ie the FrontRunner) down to the Gateway, did a bit of shopping, visited the Planetarium, saw a cool bug movie in IMAX, shopped a bit more, did the bookstore thing, dinner at Costa Vida, and even pedicures! It was very, very fun! We are both pretty pooped though. Tomorrow we are having a stay at home day. Let's just say that I still have serving dishes soaking in my sink from Sawyer's primo birthday party on Monday. ewww. I will post about that later though because my eyes hurt & they are taking it out on my frontal lobe. Goodnight.

Good times, good times

This is my kid sliding down the same stairs that I used to slide down as a kid. She loves her cousins Josh & Sara. And I love being a mom.


- Posted from my iPhone

This is my friend Kirsten

I love her face. For obvious reasons. I could go into the many reasons I love the rest of her, but that post would be longer than the last one, and only interesting to about two people on the planet.








Thanks for talking to me at the bus stop. I love you.

I made it!!

Second trimester here we come! I have a smidge more energy and am a wee bit less ravenous. My pooch is pooching quite nicely, so it would appear that all is well. If these pictures gross you out, sorry. I want a visual reference for my next pregnancy, so deal.


- Posted from my iPhone

Happy Halloweekend!

Wow, this has been quite a week! We had our ward Halloween party, where Sawyer was a beautiful Princess Jasmine


the Laws' awesome pumpkin carving party where we carved these beauts


And Sawyer did her sassiest modeling ever (she made me take about 852 pictures of her)


then dinner at G-Dawg's, (where I did a cake consult with my nephew Brock & his fiancé and I'm super excited about their awesome cake!!!). On Thursday Sawyer had her preschool Halloween party where she decided that she would now like to wear last years ballet recital costume and be a garden fairy. Unfortunatley I didn't think to get a picture of her and the little stinker refuses to put it back on so I can.
Wednesday we forgot to dress up for ballet because we were in Bountiful babysitting at Parry's, but it was there that she spied her next costume: Bat Girl. So later that day was Ricky's birthday party and she HAD to go as Bat Girl. I told her she could be whatever she wanted, but I wasn't buying anything else, so she'd have to figure it out from her dressup box. Here is what she came up with:


Well, I did the mask & bat logo, but I seriuosly think this chic is so super creative. She even had a bag clip (see that blue thing in her hand?) that she called her "super-computer". I think that the Scooby Doo obsession has caught up with us. Friday was Performax's party which she was finally old enough to attend. We worked on the Bat Girl costume a bit and came up with this which, despite my poor sewing skills, she LOVED.


P.S. I would like to express (yet again) how much love I have for my gym. The daycare alone is a.maze.ing! They did a little parade theough the gym after their party, trick-or-treating at each spot.


The trainer desk.



Mikaela pounding a pixie stix. (evidence that Kierstin's kids DO eat candy)
Friday night brought my favorite party of the year: The Ryan "Mr. Pugs" Davis Adults Only Halloween Karaoke Invitational.
At least that's what it should be called. And although Matt (WWF Wrestler) and Dave (Dwight Schrute) put up quite a fight,



I think the winner (as always) is Eric Wheeler. He totally missed his calling, shoulda been a rock star (click on the picture to see video proof)


We left the party at eleven because we had to drive down to St. George for our Thriller at Touachan tradition. Let it be known that my husband posesses a super-human lack of any need for sleep. Thursday was my sister-in-laws brothers funeral in Las Vegas. (the very definition of a tragedy please see this..... article & keep them in your prayers.)
So Matt had just barely gotten back from that at 3am on Friday morning, then turned around & drove to St. George Friday night. Then he had a 7am tee time Saturday morning. I'm telling you, he's nuts.
Thriller was awesome as always, Sawyer didn't hide under the blanket as much as last year & really loved the whole thing. Our friend Bonnie played Lorena Bobbit and we were laughing our heads off once we realized that the most "off-color" portion of the show was my Relief Society teacher. She's awesome!


Wow, is this post really long or is it just me?
On Sunday Matt took Sawyer to this super cool park while I napped. (I'm awful. I know this. He should be the one napping.)





She's gorgeous, huh? I can't believe she turns four next week. So fun.

Anyone wanna be a huge nerd with me?

When Twilight came out I acted too cool for school and didn't go to see it for like two weeks or something. Like I was above all the screaming hormonal fans and/or bored Mormon moms. Well I'm not. And I am really excited for New Moon. Call me easily entertained if you will, it's certainly true, but I really, RE-HEHE-LLY want to go to a midnight screening on Thursday the 19th. Thing is that they're getting close to selling out, and I'm not about to go by my onesie. So who wants in? Let me know soooon! I'll love you forever.
UPDATE: uh, upon further inspection, the only midnight show with more than one seat left is at thanksgiving point and they are all on the front two rows. The 3:00am shows are even filling up. Let me know.


- Posted from my iPhone

is there a doctor in the house?

sooo, I'm switching docs. I hate doing this type of thing. My other one was in Bountiful, and that gets a bit tedious when you reach the part of pregnancy where you're going every week, so I switched OB/GYNs, but my new one (LOVE her!) is just an OB/GYN, and now I find myself without a family doctor. I am hoping to find someone great at the Intermountain Layton Clinic, you know, the one just east off the Antelope Drive Exit. The only reason I say that is because that's where Dr. Wood is, and it's right next to my gym, but I'm open to anyone near Layton that takes my insurance. Any suggestions? Do you have a doctor that you love? Let me know, por favor. Oh! And a pediatric dentist too.

Two things...

First and foremost: What freaking type of crack were they smoking when they came up with the children's television abomination known as Yo Gabba Gabba? It frightens me more than I can express. Thoughts?
Item #2: Crowfield.
They only have one album. Download it now. Last night Matt & I went to the Rusted Root concert and fell in love with the opening band. AMAZING. Do not be fooled by their hillbilly appearance. Like so many things it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts. (yeah, I'm busting out Aladin quotes.). It's gotta be an awesome feeling for a band when the crowd that was initially very quiet & skeptical is, by the end of your set, out on the floor jammin' and clapping and giving you all kindsa love. There is just sooo much undiscovered musical talent out there that it KILLS me! This is why I love live music!


- Posted from my iPhone

SYTYCD anyone?

Extra ticket up for grabs. Saturday November 7th. 7:30 pm. Only catch: $70.
Bonuses include spending the evening with myself, Lola, my amazing madre-in-law Susie, and darling niece Caroline.
Interested? Comment please. Good time guaranteed. I went last year and seriously, if you like the show at all, you will not regret going. Remember Jason & Janine doing the Jason Mraz song "if it kills me"? Ugh. Freaking hot. Oh my gosh, and the breast cancer dance? And Phillip Chebeb's dance with Janine where they fight & end up on the floor. That one was so cute! I hope they have Phil just freestyle for like three hours. Oh my stars, I'm sooo excited!


- Posted from my iPhone

I {heart} the entire blog-world

Every morning I wake up about 7:30, roll over, snag my iphone. I have promised myself that before I would check email or blogs in the morning, I will read scriptures, which frankly are delightful on the iphone, it's a great way to wake up. Then once all the spiritual crap is out of the way, I delve right into the blog-worldly crap. Matt is still sleeping beside me, so he can't even give me any lip about how addicted I am to reading about my friends whether they be pseudo-friends or real live in the flesh ones. Its really a lovely way to start the day. Especially today. Seriously here is what I woke up to:
a) four comments on my blog from peeps I love being proud of my uterus for keeping the kid around this long
b) grocery store musical improv. Are you kidding? I don't even remember how I stumbled upon a "freelance photographer/street performer living in Brooklyn", but I am ever so glad I did. Color Me Katie is usually delightful, but today I about peed myself watching this clip. Trust me, you want to go to there.
c) The Utah blog world is very small, and apparently it extends to Sparks, Nevada. A ton on my friends have links to Meg's well-written blog, and I (gladly) followed the crowd across the stateline. She's just so witty. But today's remarks were particularly touching & a good reminder of how awesome our female heritage is. If you have breasts and the other parts that go along with them, read this. (actually no, I shouldn't' say that, I'd be fine if you had had a hysterectomy or even a double mastectomy. Women should read it. Now.)
d) Then we have Lola. I've linked to her many a time, she's my concert buddy, my most down for anything friend, my sista in our single childness in a world of moms with four kids. I ADORE this woman. She is quite the writer herself, not even kidding. (Hey! We forgot to have me read your opening paragraph this weekend, you hooker!) Her posts generally leave me in tears, either from laughing at her huge long rant about Kanye West, or bawling about the retardedly gut-wrenching fertility problems her family has experienced. Then you have her photography skills, and her BEAUTIFUL son Kortland who really sucks at having his picture taken as you'll see here. Reading Lola is exactly like talking to Laura, and due to the fact that she lives waaaay too far away from me, that is a good thing. Oh, and then there are the dogs, particularly Bubbuh who I would, not even kidding, commit grand theft canine in a minute just to have a few hours of his love.
Sure, blogs can set us up for some serious comparing & competing issues. It can allow us to see everyone's best self, and put it up against our worst selves, but that is dumb. Cut it out. The blogs I adore and that make my day are the ones that are real and honest. I'm having mine made into a blurb book, and though there are some things I'd like to edit, I have forbidden myself from doing so. That was how I felt then. I don't want to forget the crappy times and the dumb things. A life glossed over with rainbows and butterflies isn't what I want to read about. Heck, I don't even want to live it. Ewww.

The Dude Abides

So, we've made it past the danger zone with this kid. YAY!!! Yesterday we went for a little check up & got some delightful pictures, it actually looks like a person now, not just a peanut. I love it!
If it's a boy, I'm for sure getting this shirt I found in some random hippie catalog that got sent to me. I'm just happy to announce that the freaking kid has some staying power. Finally.

puppy play-date anyone?

I'm looking for someone who has a full-size poodle so that I can see if Sawyer reacts to them. I am seriously dying without a dog. There is still the matter of Matt not at all being a fan of this idea. In fact somedays I'm not so sure about it either. But I really can't imagine us going the rest of our lives without a dog. Not that I could ever replace Charlie, but I hope that I will be able to stop my biweekly bawl-fests at some point. I've been doing a ton of research & it actually sounds like a poodle would be a great match for our family. Which is weird because I've always kinda hated them. Without knowing a single one. Judgemental, much?

Anyway, do you know anyone?

She's kinda killin me

Kirsten and Laura and cousin Brooke and I are at a mothers retreat in Idaho. There is a beautiful vizsla involved. She's my new lust object. Even Kirsten is snuggling her. Such a lover.


- Posted from my iPhone

Seriously? At ten weeks?

When I was pregnant with Sawyer I think I didn't start pooching out until well into my second trimester. The times I miscarried at 12 weeks, I don't remember really feeling like I was showing at all. I guess I should take it as I good sign that yesterday when I woke up, my abs had gone completley to hell. Not that they were much to speak of to begin with, but....
I'm a whoping ten weeks, people.



please disregard any stretch marks. they are a figment of your imagaination.

- Posted from my iPhone

why oh why didn't you come out ten years ago when I could have been a groupie?

Remember this post? Well, last month Laura & I saw them in concert & I am still freaking out about it. The more I learn about The Airborne Toxic Event, the more I like them. The lead singer/writer used to be a music journalist writing for Filter Magazine. In one week his mom found out she had pancreatic cancer, he had an autoimmune disease of some sort & his long term relationship hit the skids. So where do you go from there? You write a bunch of amazing songs & then form an amazing band. I swear each of the members play about three different instruments. Plus there's violin. Yeah, I know. It's beautiful, heart-wrenching, relate-able lyrics plus beautiful amazing, melodic/rockin', music. With violin. Plus I think Mikel is one of the top ten hottest lead singers. What is it about lead singers? I adore them beyond all reason. He is a perfect mix of Don Draper and Adam Levine with even a bit of Sylar from Heroes thrown in for fun. And that voice..... wow. Anyway, I highly recommend.

I'm getting dumber by the trimester

k, so do you remember that incredibly fun clutzy part of pregnancy? it hit me hard today. I'm choosing to look at it as a joyful omen that this pregnancy is here to stay, but for real? I have dropped everything I've touched today. If I spill one more thing I think I will scream. I was loading new gallons of milk into the fridge & somehow, I don't even know how, I dropped one of them & it exploded onto the floor. Quicker than you can say shitdamnhell I had it up off the floor & in the sink, but managed to lose a full half gallon anyway. Apparentley my kitchen floor slopes a bit to the west, and it all went right under my kitchen island. Lovely.
Any suggestions as to how I can avoid having my house smell like rotten milk short of ripping apart my cabinets (again).

State Fairapalooza

Sawyer & I on the Ferris wheel.

Sawyer & Daddy on the Octopus-leggy-kinda ride.

Let me just begin by stating that the State Fair (Utah or otherwise) is unequivocally the greatest place for people watching. The airport has NOTHING on State Fair. The mall? Chopped liver. It is worth the six buck admission for the entertainment value of the...um... diverse crowd it draws. Wow. And I am only slightly ashamed to admit that I was extremely tempted to pay the measly dollar to view the snake-woman. Extremely. Anyway, we were really glad Ry & Stacey invited us; we'd been meaning to go, but just hadn't gotten around to it. Sawyer loved it, the kiddy rides and weird food, fried everything and funnel cakes. I am very sad that I was feeling icky that night, I couldn't take the rare & undervalued opportunity to have myself a funnel cake. I always see those funnel cake makers at Bed, Bath & Beyond and carry them around in my cart for a few until I come to my senses.
And as an added bonus for those who still check in on my blog in all it's recent suckiness... this is Ryan & Stacey's baby girl, Hanne, (that's "Hannah" for those who don't know this cool spelling.) probably one of the top ten cutest babies currently on the planet. Sorry, these pictures are from my phone, and kinda blow.